Advice please support anything
Hello everyone. I need help, advice. I’m in a messed up sticky situation. You see my mom and I use m*th, my boyfriend knows about it I was very open from the beginning and of course he told his whole family so they all know. Well my boyfriend and I live in one house with our 1 year old. And his dad step siblings and step mom live in another house same property. Here’s the catch, his step mom was a recovering addict with a good amount of clean time. At first she was very supportive and tried helping me when I wanted to try to recover. None of it stuck sadly I’ve been using since I was 14 and I’m 22. I don’t know how to be normal without it. If I wasn’t so open and blunt about it no one would’ve even thought twice I’m a “high functioning addict” when I’m not I’m struggling. Getting a little off track but all of a sudden she says things like she supports me doing it because she sees how it’s the only way I can function. She’s seen me curled up in bed for weeks and has helped me brush out my dreads multiple times from lack of self care motivation ect. Then she actually gave me money so I wouldn’t have to “suffer” when I didn’t have it. My mom was the one I always got it from, because before I’d just steal it from her. Well while my mother was up here visiting me helping me get things done around the house helping me with my son chores yard work ect. Well my boyfriends step mom we will call her Joanne she insisted on hanging out while I smoked I felt weird but she said she wanted to see if she had self control and I told her even if she asked for a hot I’d tell her HECK no. But my mom.. you see my mom has had 4 strokes and she’s not even 50 yet. A lot of her cognitive functioning itsnt 100% she has issues with time management, problem solving, self control, judgement stuff like that. Joanne knew these things. And while I wasn’t there she asked for a hit and my mom didn’t say no she didn’t really know her recovery story/journey. I know my mom didn’t do it in an evil way like ya let’s ruin her sobriety lets get her hooked again” no not even close. She just wasn’t thinking. Well now Joann has been using here and there, ( prior to actually using she was on prescription aderall ) so she tried and tries to play it off like it’s her aderall immediately her daughters could tell. When Joanne told me she was using again my heart sank. Like f me. Here I am always messing up and ruining peoples lives just by simply being in it. God They immediately went to me and asked me they said they wouldn’t blame me ect I was panicking and joannne snd her daughters all texting me so I said I personally didn’t know anything she does know where I stash my stuff she could’ve possibly gotten into it I don’t know. Fast forward 2 weeks. Joanne tries to come clean to her husband saying she DID IT WITH ME ! With me are you kidding I didn’t give you it. No.! He goes on yelling at her saying he’s going to have a talk with me I need to go ect she tries to play it off like she was kidding. Mind you I moved 2 hours away from my family my support system to a whole different county quit my great paying job with benefits to be a “family” with my sons father because he needed to move closer to work. This is all falling on me and I’m literally feeeling so guilty and in a panic once she tells him “the truth” that’s not even how it actually went ! it’s going to ruin my whole life/ relationship ect and just flip it upside down. Joanne had a past with you kno what she’s not using in that way yet but she is very paranoid and accusing her husband of cheating looking way too into every little thing on his phone. Back when she was using n****** she went into psychosis. People are going to catch on, the truth always comes to light. I know what to do I think.. I need to pack my stuff and leave move back in with my grandma, and tell the truth so she can get help ? Or what do I do. I feel horrible. I’m crying in bed while my son and boyfriend sleep next to me. Please any advice or words support anything would help. I know I’m in the wrong but I never meant for this to happen I never thought this would happen.
@Melzabelza
Every addict I know claims to be high functioning on drugs... you look at your mom see the damage and the harm it has caused. I am glad you seem OK now but damage is often added up over time. Maybe it is time to face that really poor decisions that led to this whole thing.....
You had previous knowledge Joanne was a former addict and never once saw her helping you stay on drugs seems odd for a recovered long clean person? You let her hang around when you smoked.... did it even cross your mind she may be setting it up to get back on drugs? You also seemed to know your mom would let Joanne take a hit if asked .. but seem to minimize your part since you told her NO when she asked you..
Did you alert/ talk to your BF that Joanne was showing an interest in the drug use... giving you money for it to stop anything bad from happening?
Did you speak up to family with concern before she slipped back on drugs?
You never mentioned what your BF thinks......... does he think you are innocent and just a victim of circumstances... does your son hang out with you all while smoking? Would you like your BF's dad to read this post? do you think that would excuse what happened?
You may feel bad about it, guilty even ....feel unfairly accused and unhappy that your BF whole family blames you. If you tell them how you let her hang out while you did drugs but it was your MOM fault... that will not change their view.
Even packing up and running back to your grandmas does not change anything.... you are linked to these folks for life ..... by your son.. they will always see it the way they framed it if you feel you can explain NOW is the time to do that not leaving.
You need to face what happened ......you may not have let her... but you let her around when you did this.... blaming her and your mom will not absolve your feelings of guilt .... you need to face your part in this sad story and for the loss of her sobriety.
You may never have a close relation with extended family again.
Your only 22. You still have a chance. Embrace the suck. Cuz its gonna suck. You need to go anywhere you can thays out of state. As far as you can from the people you know. Go thru the withdrawls. Get a *** job. Stay away from drama and only do whats good for you. After 18 months your mental will be strong as ***. Dont and have more experience like this one.
My advice is to have or obtain enough courage to get your mom and yourself to either quit on your own or go to a drug rehabilitation center/clinic/facility to get to the point where both of you quit. And once you two quit, keep yourselves as far away from harmful, damaging stuff for the rest of your lives. If you truly care for each other and yourselves which I believe you do by creating this post which alone took some courage so I applaud you for doing that :)
Respectfully I ask this question.
May I offer a counter point?
More a evolving discussion then a debate.
