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MrDrumz16424
348 M Embraced 3
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts14 Forum posts8 Forum upvotes21 Current upvotes21 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2019 Member sinceAugust 25, 2019
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Male Survivor of Childhood Abuse
Trauma Support / by MrDrumz16424
Last post
 October 9th, 2019
...See more I am an adult male survivor of child abuse. I was abused physically, sexually, and emotionally...by my own parent. I don't remember the exact age, but I was molested between the ages of 8-10. Between the ages of 9-16, I was physically and emotionally abused as well. My was an alcoholic. I don't even know if he remembers half the stuff he did. From the age of 8, till my early twenties (My age now), I kept it to myself. It eventually built over time, and I broke. I came out about my abuse to a few of my pastors, close friends, and eventually my family. I have not told ANYONE who abused me though. I feel like if I said anything, it would DESTROY my family, and I would end up in danger. This has caused me to feel trapped. I feel I'm in a deep hole, that I can never get out of. My dad and I work in the same place, so even when I don't want to see him, I run into him from time to time. I can't just quit either, because it's my only source of income. How could someone be attracted sexually to a child. How could someone lay hands, or tell a child they are worthless. I don't get it. Pedophiles are disgusting! Child abusers are heartless!
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Feelings After Therapy
Trauma Support / by MrDrumz16424
Last post
 October 13th, 2019
...See more I'm not sure how exactly to describe my feelings. The only logical way I can describe, is it's like a sick to my stomach feeling. I also feel as if I need to cry, but I can't seem to let it out. I feel trapped. Today, I discovered in therapy why I feel trapped. I was abused physically, sexually, and emotionally by my own father as a child. I've told close friends, and family about the abuse, but not who the abuser was. I'm trapped, because I feel I need to tell people to feel free from myself and from the past. But, it would DESTROY my family and relationships. This would also make my father unhappy, and there is a possibility I might be in danger if I say anything. My therapist told me that it isn't me as an adult hurting, but rather me as a child, because I was told not to have feelings as a child. This...hurts. A lot. I'm struggling today.
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Just Okay Today
Trauma Support / by MrDrumz16424
Last post
 October 13th, 2019
...See more Hey all! I figured I would share. I am doing just okay today. Yesterday was rough. I had a moment of anger, and screamed into my pillow. Also felt weak, and vulnerable. Woke up this morning, and felt depressed. However, as the day is progressing, I am getting better, and my mood is boosting. I still have yet to take my medicine as well, so hopefully I'll keep getting better. Figured I would check in. Thanks for reading, and hope you are are doing okay today.
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A Challenging Day
Trauma Support / by MrDrumz16424
Last post
 October 7th, 2019
...See more Today has been a challenging day. From the ages of 8-16 I was abused physically, sexually, and verbally by my own father. I am now an adult, and live on my own, and about a week ago, I was over for a visit. I asked a simple question, and got snapped/yelled at. This triggered some trauma response. I felt fear, guilt, and sadness. I know I did absolutely nothing wrong, but I felt as if I did. I also went straight into defense mode. I told him that that was not okay what he did. This just got him angrier, and he yelled at me more. I've now been struggling with trauma symptoms for the past week. Today has been the worst. I feel like no one cares. I'm also afraid to ask people for help when I need it for some reason. I feel lost. It hurts today.
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Abused by my Own Parent
Trauma Support / by MrDrumz16424
Last post
 October 12th, 2019
...See more I was abused physically, sexually, and emotionally when I was a child from the ages of 8-16. My parents were alcoholics. I will disclose that I am a male. This is important, because I always got told "Boys don't cry, suck it up!" Most of this came from my parents. I wish I could undo it. I wish it never happened. I wish I didn't have to hurt every day. I feel stuck. I know that there is no cure. What happened, happened. What's done is done. I can't bring myself to accept that. People constantly tell me it gets better with time, but I'm having a hard time believing that.
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