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OracleSilver
105 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts11 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2018 Member sinceJuly 27, 2015
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Is there any way to change username?
Newbie Hub / by OracleSilver
Last post
 August 16th, 2017
...See more I didn't think about the username being used on this account, it would make it far too easy for the person I've been writing about to find my posts (if he was so inclined) which could cause problems for me. Is there any way to change my username to help protect myself? Thank you
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How do I break away from this guy?
Relationship Stress / by OracleSilver
Last post
 March 6th, 2017
...See more This is actually a follow on from this situation [https://www.7cups.com/forum/RelationshipSupport_66/RelationshipQuestions_1034/IwasplayedforsexhowdoImoveonfromthis_60916/], if you want a little background. I've been dating a guy for about two months, although fairly recently I ended things for about two weeks...I tried to get out, but I found I just regretted ending it and really couldn't get him off of my mind, I tried to look for new dates to take my mind off of him but I was comparing everyone to him and stressing myself out thinking about him all the time. He contacted me and we're now back together. He cleared up a lot of things, but it's not really much better - I thought he was using me for sex but he's not, however he's looking to date/have sex with multiple other women - I sort of knew this was the case, this is why I ended it and it should be a deal breaker for me. So he doesn't believe in relationships or love, he's into dating multiple women at once, also he's into things sexually including threesomes - there's nothing to make me feel he's not being genuine in having a different view of relationships/love (not just a run of the mill jerk). He claims to like me most of all and not to have had sex with anyone else yet, but I can't know if it's the truth or how it'll be when it changes. I'm monogamous, I believe in love, I like long-term relationships with security of trust and exclusivity, my value is tied into a guy being totally into only me and me alone. Even the insecurity of starting a new relaitonship or dating people turns me into a basket case. This guy has me so totally intoxicated with him that I can't seem to break away, I already have feelings for him and damn it if they're not going to grow if I stick around...he's great on so many levels: attractive, great in bed and could get better, very intimate, very interesting, socially aware, arty, I feel safe/comfortable with him like I've never before with anyone else, and I feel happy/content when I'm with him. BUT...I'm anxious thinking about him with other people or thinking how easily replaceable I'd be, I don't get enough attention from him, and I'm worried about how I'd keep him interested sexually...I'm worried I might try to push myself to be okay with things I'm not okay with, or if he rejects me I'll blame myself. Ultimately I'm going to have my heart broken and I'll feel like a loser for getting into this situation, I know better...I've known from the start this wasn't a good idea...I know I should have a little more self-respect and it's healthier to get away now. I've never felt this way, never gone back once I've left. I can't break away from him. I don't want to break away from him. I'm once again trying to convince myselt that I can be casual with this guy, just have a little fun until ready to move on...enjoy the potentially great sex and experiment a little, enjoy time with an interesting man...but I know this will hurt like hell when he rejects me.
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I was played for sex, how do I move on from this?
Relationship Stress / by OracleSilver
Last post
 March 3rd, 2017
...See more I was dating a guy for the last month. He was so beautiful, interesting, and amazing in bed. We had sex after our second date and on two occasions he came to mine just for sex, I'm a big girl and after a long-term relationship with a guy who showed me no affection this felt like something I needed - for the record I don't believe rules like denying sex until X number of dates if you want a relationship, but I don't have sex with just anyone, for me the sex meant something so it didn't feel cheap and part of what made the sex good was that I felt comfortable with him. I don't regret having sex, it was enjoyable and I felt happier than I've done in a while. The sex was amazing and it was very intimate, it felt like it was a lot more than just sex...thus I developed feelings for him. But there were some niggling doubts as there were hints that he was possibly still dating or having sex with others, I felt he wasn't putting enough effort into getting to know me, and I didn't feel prioritized - I kept convincing myself it's just because he was busy and it's a new relaitonship, also there were hints that he was interested in me for more...clearly I did not realize that he was 'breadcrumbing [https://www.bustle.com/p/breadcrumbing-is-the-new-ghosting-but-heres-why-this-dating-trend-is-worse-33661]' to keep me on the hook. I kept convincing myself I was overthinking things, I tried to tell myself just to relax and enjoy it as even if just as something casual the sex was so good it was worth continuing, but I kept feeling anxious so it was just unhealthy. I hoped something would change. When I didn't hear from him Valentines Day it confirmed to me that he wasn't genuine about me and I decided to stop it, I told him I was ending it and explained it's because he didn't want a relationship and I could no longer pretend to be okay with that. His reply: "So much to point out there; but hey, life is short :)" It was cold and cruel, within just a few lines it was over, just a 'whatever. bye.' I was still holding out hope even after this that he'd be back in touch tonight, he'd clarify his last message was just mocking me for being silly because he did really want a relationship and wasn't dating anyone else (he was very good at being unclear about what he wanted so I still believed this was possible), that he'd come over and it'd all work out. That didn't happen, he's still on my Facebook friends list and so instead I've spent all night checking to see if he's online and feeling like I'm a big fool...as well as feeling sad it didn't work out. I was played: - He dismissed the idea of 'rules' about when to have sex to get me to have sex. - He was good at making jokes about dating other women to dodge being honest. - He made me feel so special when we were together to keep me hooked. Honestly, I'm really unhappy I get no more sex with him - it was so good, so intimate and so kinky, so much potential for it getting better - it's the best sex I've experienced and the way he held each other, slept together, looked into each others eyes, etc. between sex was so incredible that it made me feel like it was completely real and he may have even developed strong feelings for me too. It was that good. I need to remind myself it's a good thing that I ended it, we likely wouldn't have made a good couple and I knew he didn't value me - his cold/cruel response to my ending it was my proof. It was a good thing that I chose to take control to end it...if I'd continued with dating him my feelings would have grown and I'd have felt more used, if I'd found out he was having sex with others it would have hurt more. I need to remember that the emotions I felt were only mine and he didn't feel the same, they were based on my fantasy and his deceitfulness. I had this whole thing in my mind that this free-spirited begining was the beginning to a love story, I thought about what it'd be like if we continued having sex, how it'd be when we made it 'facebook official', meeting his friends, learning new languges from him, watching him perform, having long discussions snuggled up together...all complete fantasy, too big a fantasy built on something so new and with someone I didn't know. It wasn't real. It was only sex, intimacy, and my being infactuated with his beauty. I'll find better...I hope! He knew I wanted a relationship, and the sex did mean something for me. I don't regret having sex with him, but now I'm feeling heartbroken. I'm well aware I was an idiot...but what do I do now?
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Issues with a new therapist - can anyone offer some advice?
Anxiety Support / by OracleSilver
Last post
 November 16th, 2015
...See more I'm an adult woman with social anxiety, general anxiety, depression, also I'm Autistic with ADHD. I'm long-term unemployed which has caused autism regression and my mental health is suffering as a result. I've been trying to access mental health care but kept coming up against road blocks due to insufficient training on autism within mental health care staff and as we're not sure mental health care could do much as my issues are primarily due to being Autistic and long-term unemployed, which can't be helped. I've been messed around by the mental health team, countless pointless assessments followed by therapists deciding that they can't help me so just throwing me out of the system again. On Wednesday I had another assessment, I was expecting yet another appointment where they'd go over the same things we'd been over before and then just tell me they were going to kick me out of the mental health care system again. I was thus very stand-offish, defensive, irritated, and generally pretty unpleasant to the therapist I talked to...turns out the appointment was with my new therapist. I feel guilty for how I acted with this new therapist, but please bare in mind that he wasn't clarifying why I was there, at this point I was frustrated and really upset at being messed around. He got mad at me for being irritated with him - accused me of being defensive and uncooperative, he also said if I wasn't going to cooperate I could just leave and not come back. A bit of a 'do it my way or else' kind of tone. We got past that initial confusion, he gave me a booklet to read through and sheets to record how I feel when I experience anxiety and depression - I find it impossible to identify my feelings, also between ADHD and needing to keep my mind busy to stop myself slipping into depression it means that for me to stop to focus on how I feel is potentially really bad. I'm seriously getting angry and upset about the idea of having to fill in these sheets, I mean really...as in self-harm kind of upset about the idea. I now feel trapped - this is a BIG problem for me, when I feel trapped I have a meltdown (for those who don't know: autistic meltdowns are uncontrollable emotional outbursts as a result of over-stimulation or stress, they are painful and can mess-up our ability to function for days afterwards) - it feels like I have to fill in these sheets and do what this therapist says or else he'll kick me out of therapy, I'll get no help. Surely therapists should work in such a way that is comfortable for you, not expect you to accommodate how they work? Sure this may be an NHS controlled thing, but it's not helpful if I have to work in a way that doesn't help me or when I'm with a therapist who I'm scared will reject me from therapy if I don't play ball. Although we got past that initial rough patch of the last appointment that initial bad impression doesn't exactly fill me with confidence about the next few appointments, if I don't feel comfortable or safe with him as a therapist that's not helpful...but I don't know if I have the option to ask for someone else, I'm not sure if there is another therapist available (I only like male therapists, but apparently there aren't many of those locally). The appointment before this I had an absolutely amazing appointment with a therapist I felt a real connection with, as an Autistic person for me to feel a connection with someone is literally a one in a million thing so that's a big deal, I wish I could see him again but not sure if that's an option. I don't know what to do, keep with this current therapist I don't like or risk asking for someone else. Should I avoid filling in these sheets (to stop myself getting upset)? Should I consider asking for a different therapist?
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How do you deal with aftermath of awkward social situation?
Anxiety Support / by OracleSilver
Last post
 August 2nd, 2015
...See more I've been directed here to this site to help with what is a really small ridiculous thing to be anxious about, but I'm anxious and worried it's going to cause further problems. I've recently joined a gym, I'm Autistic with social anxiety so this is a big deal for me, especially as I seem to be one of the weakest and more unfit there, also the staff seem to be picking up on how anxious I am. I'm coping well, but a couple of situations have thrown me a little and are making me feel anxious about going to the gym... One situation was today when I went to a new class. I was early but didn't see trainer so I thought I'd gotten my times mixed up, so I went to check, by the time I got back everyone had started class - it was only the warm up, although it's a short class at the same time it was only a few minutes into class. It was a different trainer to the one who was supposed to be there, thus why I'd not seen who I was looking for when I first walked in, and the trainer shouted to me to hurry and come in but as it was my first class I'd no idea what equipment I needed. I stood there like an idiot for a few minutes watching, the trainer at no point tried to get me to join in, not even when he walked around the class. I didn't know what I was supposed to do, I felt so stupid. Maybe he could have just shouted to grab what I needed, or when he was walking around the class he could have quickly pointed me to what I needed or could have quietly suggested I tried the class another time instead. I decided to leave the class - it was probably best to leave and try the class another time so not to disturb the others, but it would have been nice for the trainer to say one way or another rather than just leaving me standing there looking like an idiot. As the gym was busy today so I went back home. I now feel really upset - anxious, embarrassed - I no longer self-harm, but the feeling todays class has left me with is similar to what would trigger me to self-harm. It's a little thing, but it's bruised what little confidence I've worked-up to go to the gym and I feel really horrible right now.
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Does anyone know what 'Online CBT' involves?
Anxiety Support / by OracleSilver
Last post
 July 28th, 2015
...See more Hi folks, new here and thought I'd try this question here as I'm getting very little insight elsewhere. I've been for a mental health assessment via NHS, I suffer anxiety (largely via online communication, but as I'm Autistic and largely socialise online this is an issue) and what I'm referring to as 'low-mood' (I'm not sure it could be called depression). They've decided to send me to face-to-face CBT for my low mood - I've never had CBT before, not sure what to expect or how well it'd work with an Autistic person if the therapist isn't well-educated about autism - but for anxiety they're putting me online CBT. I have NO IDEA what this might involve, if it's just online tasks via some web site then that seems like a cop-out on their part and ultimately not helpful. Any ideas what it may involve?
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