Issues with a new therapist - can anyone offer some advice?
I'm an adult woman with social anxiety, general anxiety, depression, also I'm Autistic with ADHD. I'm long-term unemployed which has caused autism regression and my mental health is suffering as a result.
I've been trying to access mental health care but kept coming up against road blocks due to insufficient training on autism within mental health care staff and as we're not sure mental health care could do much as my issues are primarily due to being Autistic and long-term unemployed, which can't be helped. I've been messed around by the mental health team, countless pointless assessments followed by therapists deciding that they can't help me so just throwing me out of the system again.
On Wednesday I had another assessment, I was expecting yet another appointment where they'd go over the same things we'd been over before and then just tell me they were going to kick me out of the mental health care system again. I was thus very stand-offish, defensive, irritated, and generally pretty unpleasant to the therapist I talked to...turns out the appointment was with my new therapist.
I feel guilty for how I acted with this new therapist, but please bare in mind that he wasn't clarifying why I was there, at this point I was frustrated and really upset at being messed around. He got mad at me for being irritated with him - accused me of being defensive and uncooperative, he also said if I wasn't going to cooperate I could just leave and not come back. A bit of a 'do it my way or else' kind of tone.
We got past that initial confusion, he gave me a booklet to read through and sheets to record how I feel when I experience anxiety and depression - I find it impossible to identify my feelings, also between ADHD and needing to keep my mind busy to stop myself slipping into depression it means that for me to stop to focus on how I feel is potentially really bad. I'm seriously getting angry and upset about the idea of having to fill in these sheets, I mean really...as in self-harm kind of upset about the idea.
I now feel trapped - this is a BIG problem for me, when I feel trapped I have a meltdown (for those who don't know: autistic meltdowns are uncontrollable emotional outbursts as a result of over-stimulation or stress, they are painful and can mess-up our ability to function for days afterwards) - it feels like I have to fill in these sheets and do what this therapist says or else he'll kick me out of therapy, I'll get no help.
Surely therapists should work in such a way that is comfortable for you, not expect you to accommodate how they work? Sure this may be an NHS controlled thing, but it's not helpful if I have to work in a way that doesn't help me or when I'm with a therapist who I'm scared will reject me from therapy if I don't play ball.
Although we got past that initial rough patch of the last appointment that initial bad impression doesn't exactly fill me with confidence about the next few appointments, if I don't feel comfortable or safe with him as a therapist that's not helpful...but I don't know if I have the option to ask for someone else, I'm not sure if there is another therapist available (I only like male therapists, but apparently there aren't many of those locally). The appointment before this I had an absolutely amazing appointment with a therapist I felt a real connection with, as an Autistic person for me to feel a connection with someone is literally a one in a million thing so that's a big deal, I wish I could see him again but not sure if that's an option. I don't know what to do, keep with this current therapist I don't like or risk asking for someone else.
Should I avoid filling in these sheets (to stop myself getting upset)?
Should I consider asking for a different therapist?
personally i would give it the benefit of the doubt. i had a similar experience where i lost it at a therapist and did not want to go back and face her afterwards. i said i would give it 2 more appointments and if it felt awkward, i was done seeing her. but it all blew over and was fine afterwards. i've learned that sometimes when you push someone away just like that, you could be pushing away someone who could actually help you. if you don't push away, and it doesn;t work out, you may be no futher ahead, but you will know. If you do push away, you will never know, and will always wonder if they could have.
as far as the papers go. i personally think do them if you feel you can. even if it's only 1 question here or there. even if you don;'t have it finished, at least you tried to do the ones you could manage at the time. i'm sure he will understand if you explain you tried but could only do so much before you became overwhelmed.
i speak from my experiences,and had to respond as alot of this sounded like similar situations i was in.
Hi, Kasha. I hope that you find the resources that are really going to be good for you and that will help make you happier in your life. I would suggest trying to finish a couple of sessions with this new counselor to see if the two of you start to connect better.
I live in the United states so I don't know what resources are available to you but I found a website in the UK called autism.org.uk/counselling hat looks like it might have some good info for you.
I hope you find someone to talk to! Good luck .
Hi Kasha. I think it is worth giving these sheets a try. They may help you keep track of your feelings and help to manage them.
For example, in my situation, I felt that there wasn't much going on in my life and I felt useless. But after speaking with a hyponotherapist, she suggested I write down my personal achievements since I last saw her (4 weeks before today). And now that I have written it down on paper (well, on a sticky note on my PC screen), it seems that I have achieved some goals within the 4 weeks but I was not able to percieve it until I wriote it all down. It helps to visualise and track your progress.
Perhaps it's worth a try and you may get some benefit from it which you do not yet realise?
