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RamblingInOrbit
136 M Embraced 1
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts10 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2021 Member sinceJuly 4, 2021
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Walking Away Before Flooding
Relationship Stress / by RamblingInOrbit
Last post
 July 8th, 2021
...See more My husband is getting upset because he will tell me I'm acting like I'm flooded and I will then angrily walk away to take space so I don't yell or say mean things. He is asking me to let him know if I'm going to take space, where I'm going to take space, and for how long I will need space before I go, then wait for acknowledgment and answer any other questions he may have. I am feeling way too emotionally flooded to do all that. So I told him I would let him know as soon as I suspect that I'm getting flooded and then take my leave. During this conversation I felt the beginnings of it, because he was asking "isnt that a reasonable and adult expectation?" TBH, no, I don't think it is reasonable and adult to expect someone who is upset to go through a checklist and make sure the other person is reassured prior to taking the time to calm down. When I complied he got angry. I suspect he feels i took this time as a way to get "revenge" rather than because I needed it. I don't know how to address this and we don't see our therapist until next week Tuesday.
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Renewal of Vows Ceremony?
Relationship Stress / by RamblingInOrbit
Last post
 July 5th, 2021
...See more When my husband and I got married 15 years ago it was rushed so I could get on his insurance. We agreed we would get married a second time when money and time were better. Money and time never got better. I would ask every year and it wasn't a good time. Eventually he asked me what he could do so that I'd stop asking and just be happy. I thought MAYBE if we had pictures done in front of the courthouse it might help. For a couple years it did. Then it just didn't. I told him and he got angry, "why did you tell me it was okay when it wasn't?" I didn't know what to say. Now we have been fighting constantly for almost 2 years and he says he won't even consider it even though NOW we have the money and the time, because it will be a waste when I just leave him anyhow. Am I asking too much? Should I just let it go because I said I would stop asking after we had pictures done?
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Body Language is Criticism?
Relationship Stress / by RamblingInOrbit
Last post
 July 5th, 2021
...See more My husband has been telling me he can't handle the constant criticism where everything he does is wrong. While a couple years ago I did blow up at him when I had a mental breakdown, falling into a clinical depression where made many angry accusations, I have since apologized for and tried to make amends. He says I still criticize him daily. I haven't been able to figure it out. I've been actively trying to fix any critical words or requests for a few months now, but been told there are no changes in how he says he is "treated like shit" by me. This stems from whenever he starts to confront me about my poor treatment of him i break down again and get angry. I cannot understand what he wants to feel loved again and it breaks me every time. Finally he said to me, when I asked if I had criticized him TODAY he said, "your body language tells me I've done something wrong, again. It's never good enough." The previous day I said "what else can I do to help you forgive me for the awful things I said 2 years ago?" He said he doesn't know, but I don't seem sincere. He's suffered terribly and he hasn't seen me suffer at all about my behavior. I've made great strides in how I use my words but now my body language is betraying my true feelings, apparently. Feelings I and my therapist believed I had gotten past. Is he right? Are my facial expressions and slumped shoulders, taking too long to answer a question, or asking for alone time, all ways of continuing to criticize him and treat him poorly? And if so, how can I be more conscious and show what he needs to see in order to forgive me?
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