RobotPuppy Member Profile

I cut off all my friends.

Friendship Support / by RobotPuppy

July 1st

...See more Tonight I unfriended my friends on *** and left their server, and so far none of them have atleast attempted to reach out. I suspected this outcome. They're not mean people. They weren't unkind to me. But they made me feel alien. I had to force myself into their friendgroup. I had to join everything myself and make things entertaining. They never invited me really, or asked if I wanted to join. I wanted to stream a game to them, and was met with "Oh, another friend is doing that another day." and I decided to wait. I asked them to ping me. Verbally. And they didn't. I told them this when I joined call tonight. They didn't even tell me the correct date of when we were doing it. I told them this. One of them said they didn't think they were on call when I asked for them to ping me, and they were. They knew they were. They never left call once. And the other one said they forgot, which is fine. I get it. None of them have reached out. None of them have asked me about my concerning behavior. Last week I had a mental health crisis, and only one person asked me how I was, and then they completely ceased to speak to me unless I spoke first. It's exhausting. I want to feel wanted in friendships. They seem to only care about eachother. I feel unwelcome. I always blindly believed that people would tell me if they had enough of me. I was proven wrong. Actions always speak louder than words. Perhaps they were only kind to me because they didn't want to feel like bad people. I'm so tired. Atleast I get a job next month. Maybe I'll be given a fickle chance. I'll rinse and repeat as many times as I need. I'll go through heartbreak after heartbreak if I have to. I will find someone who wants me around. There has to be someone. I won't give up on finding friends.

Will it get better?

Autism Support / by RobotPuppy

June 28th

Fear of Breaking Up

Relationship Stress / by RobotPuppy

June 21st

...See more I've been having a lot of relationship troubles recently. My boyfriend is wonderful, amazing, and understanding. However, he has problems with BPD. The other day, he confessed to me that he seeks attention from others when he's mad at me, but not in a romantic way. I guess I could call it emotionally cheating? I don't know. I was hurt by this. I didn't tell him I was hurt by it and told him I understood because he had BPD. And really, I did understand. But it piled up. He told me about a dream he had where he fell in love with someone else, but still liked me, and we became polyamorous. I was stricken with jealousy because I have bad jealousy problems, and he knows this. He proceeded to say he wonders if he'll meet this person one day. I made a distasteful joke about how I'd disappear. He proceeded to tell me to not do that because he'd like both of us in that scenario. And me disappearing would leave him with that person. It wounded me deeply. We argued all afternoon. I confessed to him how much it all hurt me and how jealous I was of him having friends and how possessive I felt, and that I had relapsed days prior due to the stress of him confessing he sought attention from others. I told him I wanted to seperate, but took it back. He told me he was sick of me lying about how I felt, which was fair, because I said it was okay. It was my fault for not telling him. He said he was seriously considering dumping me. We haven't talked about it since. I sent him a long apology and he said "I forgive you I guess." I told him I didn't believe that, and he said "I don't know, sorry." We ended up chatting all day about fickle things like games instead of our actual problems. I'm scared. I sent him a message an hour ago asking to talk about it, and he hasn't been online. Despite all of this, I don't want to lose him. I'm so worried he's going to leave. I don't know what to do without him. I just wish I didn't argue with him. I'm scared.

Personal problems & retrospective

Trauma Support / by RobotPuppy

June 21st

...See more I'm new here, so I'm sorry if this isn't appropriate or something like that. But, anyhow, I needed to vent. I have really bad attachment issues, specifically to my boyfriend. We're in a bad argument right now, and I don't know if our relationship will survive through it. I've been sick all morning because of how attached I am to him. Losing him feels like the worst thing that could possibly happen to me. I began looking into something called glass child syndrome, which is where the sibling of a sick or chronically ill child is neglected and given adult responsibilities to support their sibling. I don't know if I have glass child syndrome. My brother wasn't ever sick per say, but he needed special care due to his autism. I grew up severely neglected because of my mother's attachment to him, and she would let him fight and hit me when he wanted because I would fight back. She thought it was just us regulating, I guess. Looking into the symptoms of glass child syndrome, it mentioned the affected taking on a caretaker role and hiding their own emotions or feelings about things as to not cause stress. I guess that speaks to me, because that's what me and my partner are arguing about. My inability to open up and tell him when I am struggling. I really hope our relationship can survive. But I said a bunch of hurtful things that I can't take back, and I'm worried he's going to fall in love with another person and leave me forever. It's a painful feeling. I guess I'd like some reassurance about it, even if it ends up not going well.

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