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ScottYhePhoenix
42 1,311 M Little Steps 4
PathStep 107 Compassion hearts283 Forum posts27 Forum upvotes62 Current upvotes62 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2026 Member sinceJune 5, 2026
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Home is wherever you can find yourself.
35 & Over Community / by ScottYhePhoenix
Last post
 June 26th
...See more Home is truly wherever you want it to be. It’s taken me a long time to be able to find comfort anywhere I can find myself. I grew up in the suburbs of a moderately large city, then moved out to a smaller town, where I struggled for a long time with the learning curve of small town living. Now I’ve moved to an even smaller town in the countryside. It’s important to find community wherever you are. You need a support network, and people you can trust to help you when things get difficult. You need to be able to care for yourself through all circumstances, because you will eventually encounter problems that you couldn’t imagine or control. There’s a lot more that goes into self reliance than just having a lucrative career. I believe humans aren’t solitary creatures, we cannot handle every circumstance in life on our own. So the ability to make friends in any situation is a tremendously remarkable skill, but it must be cultivated over time. I’m happy where I am, but I still miss my old hometown, and the consistency and comfort that came with it.
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Adjusting to being alone and regaining myself
Relationship Stress / by ScottYhePhoenix
Last post
 June 12th
...See more The transition from being in a relationship back to being alone is challenging. You learn a lot about yourself, the good and the bad. You figure out where you were right, and how you were wrong. You find yourself, and you’re forced to confront the parts of yourself that a relationship made easy to hide away. I’ve learned that I need to find, investigate and tightly control my priorities. I’ve learned that, especially when I’m tired, beat down, and feeling physically exhausted, I will often sacrifice the energy I would spend fulfilling my promises to others; effecting the impeccability of my word. I’ve learned that I can be easily intimidated, leading to my boundaries being compromised. However I’m much more resourceful and tenacious than many people think I am. I’ve learned that I was trapped in a negative cycle of a toxic relationship. I slipped into codependency and completely lost myself, my values, and my own principles. I learned that I should have noticed and took action on so many red flags that I saw. And I learned that what I was going through was psychological abuse disguised as the mental afflictions of my ex-partner. I also learned to love myself again. I learned to respect myself again, and what those things truly mean to me. I’m still learning how to radically accept what has happened in the past and how to move on, and I’m becoming comfortable with being alone with myself. I’m learning what my purpose in life is, and how to act on it. And through all of this, I’m learning what I want in a partner, and how my past relationships failed because they didn’t match up with what I need. By helping others, I help myself. I exercise my own values and principles. And I can make a difference in other people’s lives.
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The End is Also The Beginning
Relationship Stress / by ScottYhePhoenix
Last post
 June 9th
...See more Yesterday was hard, today was harder; I have hope for a better tomorrow. A couch is only that, an item; but we bought that couch together. We decided as a couple that it was the most comfortable for us, and had the most unique color that matched our style. A dresser is only that, another item (or two); but we both had our own. When we moved into our first apartment together, we had to make sure we had enough space for both of our dressers. We ended up renting a two bedroom apartment, and use mine for the guest room (of course). It made sense anyway because yours had a mirror. A makeup vanity is just a thing, but I found it on clearance and pointed it out to you. It was one of your favorite pieces of furniture, you used it everyday. You had your writing desk for homework or whatever you wanted to do at the time. You got a nice little cabinet from a friend, with glass doors; I remember how much you loved it. Now they’re all gone, and I’m laying on the mattress alone, on the floor, in an empty house. All the memories are so fresh and vivid in my mind, that it’s hard to believe that she’s gone. We weren’t right for each other, and my problematic priorities made things worse. We were both so toxic for each other, and economic issues only exasperated our issues until they boiled over. Sometimes my mind becomes so attached to the good times, that I have a hard time thinking about the toxic things she did to me. Actions that hurt me, words which could never be taken back; so many instances where any other person than me would have left her right then and there. I didn’t, though. I always had hope; perhaps too much. And now I’ve shed away the toxicity, everything is gone. And I’m free to start over again. Do things the right way, this time around. The memories are still there, though. The house might be empty, but it’s filled with memories of the bad and good days. I wish I could donate those things to charity… So I will. I’ll use them to help others, and by helping others, I will help myself become free from the pain. The past is gone, the future has been planned; now I only have my present time. In an empty house, alone. I’ll be okay; I hope she’s okay. One day the hole in my chest will heal from my own self love and respect. One day the sinking feeling in my stomach will become butterflies again. The tears will be replaced by joy. I wish I didn’t feel so conflicted over that transformation, but that’s my mind playing tricks on me, because it’s hard to remember how many bad times there were. Moments of terrible anxiety, panic, and fear. The feelings of abandonment, and being alone while she was right next to me. “Ever forward.” I say to myself. I’m going to put one foot in front of the other, take each day as it comes. I’m going to stay true to myself, my values and principles. And I will better manage my priorities. I will learn and grow, relentlessly pressing myself forward. I cannot, and will not be stopped from my goals; but I will also never forget. And that’s a blessing, and a curse.
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