Adjusting to being alone and regaining myself

The transition from being in a relationship back to being alone is challenging. You learn a lot about yourself, the good and the bad. You figure out where you were right, and how you were wrong. You find yourself, and you’re forced to confront the parts of yourself that a relationship made easy to hide away.

I’ve learned that I need to find, investigate and tightly control my priorities. I’ve learned that, especially when I’m tired, beat down, and feeling physically exhausted, I will often sacrifice the energy I would spend fulfilling my promises to others; effecting the impeccability of my word. I’ve learned that I can be easily intimidated, leading to my boundaries being compromised. However I’m much more resourceful and tenacious than many people think I am.

I’ve learned that I was trapped in a negative cycle of a toxic relationship. I slipped into codependency and completely lost myself, my values, and my own principles. I learned that I should have noticed and took action on so many red flags that I saw. And I learned that what I was going through was psychological abuse disguised as the mental afflictions of my ex-partner.

I also learned to love myself again. I learned to respect myself again, and what those things truly mean to me. I’m still learning how to radically accept what has happened in the past and how to move on, and I’m becoming comfortable with being alone with myself. I’m learning what my purpose in life is, and how to act on it. And through all of this, I’m learning what I want in a partner, and how my past relationships failed because they didn’t match up with what I need.

By helping others, I help myself. I exercise my own values and principles. And I can make a difference in other people’s lives.