SingingDandelions288 Member Profile

I dont want to be a helpless victim anymore

20 & Over / by SingingDandelions288

May 11th, 2023

...See more I want to get out of this mentality. I am not forcing it infact I spent a significant amount of time staying and indulging in this idea and my feelings and it has helped me work through it. But i am at a point where i feel i am just made even more stuck the longer i stay this way. It feels powerless, hopeless, helpless. I no longer want to feel this way. I want to rise up and take control of my life. I dont want to be a victim anymore. Whatever thats happened in my past is already in the past i have worked through them, and i feel i am almost there fully resolving all my perceived trauma. I am no longer a child. I spent a considerable time whining and complaining feeling like the whole world is against me. I feel like growing up now, albeit a bit later i feel than usual from my peers. I am 25. Its about time i leave being childish behind, but you will see theres a lot of this behavior being encouraged on social media. If theres one thing i can give advice to younger people who need it: number 1 is Theres a lot of false information out there. Narratives that only seek to perpetuate making us feel stuck in our own victimhood. Beware- and really take care of your mind dont put garbage thoughts or ideas. We young people can be impressionable but we never realize it until we’re much older because as much as we hate hearing it its true what older folks (or my parents in my case) say that young people can be SO arrogant and proud. We think we know everything- and what we feel is always true. Yes I am merely speaking from experience and I realize i really am getting old. I realized, at the risk of oversimplifying, pain trauma whatever we experienced and continue to experience in the past and present, is simply part of life. While I can NEVER speak for victims of severe abuse and trauma, i feel like personally, in my own life, i need to get over it. Its about time i grow up. I had some trouble with family and school. Self esteem issues. Depression and anxiety. Some experimenting what teenagers and young adults do. And I tried to find a reason or purpose in everything- from philosophy to religion to new age spirituality, but Social media pop culture what you read on the internet blogs etc were the worst. Its just a sea of even more helpless confused people not one better than the other. This is literally just a long winded rant but i hope i get my point across. If i were to summarize, the last 10 years had been also difficult for me but one that was filled with a lot of exploration, and questioning and confusion, and pain and fun as we try to make sense of ourselves and our world, which is what our younger years are for. But for me at this time i feel like I am reaching a turning point. While by all means i still dont claim to know everything, at least now i know a little SOMETHING, about the world and myself. This is progress. But in the next chapter of my life i need to be an adult. Leave childish thinking or feeling behind. Be mature and handle responsibility. Be kinder understanding yet also disciplined. Deliver on tasks and accomplish something, like an education, career, family. Work and make money. You know… big grown stuff. Build something real in the real world, instead of being in my head.

I cant do anything and i just feel so jaded

20 & Over / by SingingDandelions288

May 9th, 2023

...See more I feel hopeless and helpless. I cant seem to get back on track, it takes me a long time to get started again. it has been some days since and i just dont feel like doing anything. I just want to relax. i am still quite lucky. In fact i am VERY lucky because i get to take a break when others would have a lot of trouble. I am THANKFUL for my parents and family for even being patient with me still. I am thankful for a HOME. And a comfortable one at that. I’m thankful for having some money and food, other people would have a hard time not having a job or education and here i am. …..i just wish i could pull myself together. do something i want, for myself. I am THANKFUL i am no longer depressed. At least even when i get sad like this i can mostly get myself out of it. i think i feel the most “hopeless” when it comes to pushing myself to do something with my life. This (good life) wont be forever. If i dont get a job or finish my education i will certainly have a hard time in the future. i just cant seem to get myself together. Despite all this “relaxing” and doing nothing i still feel tired. I dont know whats wrong with me.

Hate as a driving force to get better

General Support / by SingingDandelions288

April 29th, 2023

...See more (first off, i dont know how to start this. And english is not my first language - so while im good at it “technically” having studied it for years in school, expressing in it can still be a struggle especially when dealing with an emotional topic) Hate is a dirty word. It’s heavy and there is often another feeling that follows or accompanies it: vengeance. At least it is that way for me. Especially in healing spaces, we tend to avoid that word, and say it is no good, it is better to “channel” that energy in more productive ways. Simply ignoring that person and getting on with your day/ life. And in my usual positive demeanor I would have told you the same. i have done a lot of healing. Two years. Or even more than that. And i believe i HAVE gotten better. I no longer deal with negative emotions on a daily basis. In fact i am more likely to be more positive - in a truly healthy way. I am able to take a step back, and reassess my emotions, while still feeling them and not being dismissive, but also think more or less rationally - as in not get stuck in a loop of destructive thoughts and behavior. I had learned a lot of coping strategies that I keep in my personal development toolbox. that said, there are still those times i feel a sharp hurt when i remember certain things that happened or realities that are happening to me or my loved ones. I usually am able to turn it around right away, but THIS time, i almost want to indulge in it. There are some people I hate. There are some feelings that are so strong they cut deep into my heart, and i feel more enraged, i feel motivated or pushed to take action (i hope this makes sense - english is not my first language and i’m trying to capture that really strong feeling of hate that drives you almost to doing something you might regret). i am still mostly harmless and i wont do anything stupid BUT this is also how i feel. I dont want to censor it. I know this is a positive space and i have every intention to uphold that, but sometimes I just want to get this out of my chest. this is really heavy, and maybe even dark. I feel like i could hurt someone if i gave in to all my feelings. If i lost control of all my mind. But sometimes i imagine it and it gives me a sense of satisfaction. Relief. Like finally, i can be avenged. I am justified. I am simply indulging in these feelings but have no intention of acting upon them. Going back to my “training” i can turn negative feelings into positive action. Thus, the title. While I never advocate for using “hate” as a driving force in your life, maybe it can have a positive effect if i try. I can work on my goals harder. I can push myself to be better. Even if the “reward” is a bit sinister like thinking to myself “that i did better than this person” or i finally proved them wrong. Maybe that can be done. And i do not need to feel guilty about it. -end- thanks for listening

Feeling a bit behind in life (somewhat a long winded rant but just want to share my thoughts

General Support / by SingingDandelions288

April 25th, 2023

...See more my batch at my second uni just graduated last year. I went to college 2 different times already and failed. It was always a matter of pushing through, despite doing well the first years. I am feeling a bit behind even more now that so many people I once knew are moving onto the next chapters of their lives, travel, work, some even getting married and having kids (not that I want them), but it’s just sometimes get to me. I don’t use social media often, and have very few close friends (mostly just people I live with and around like family in the neighborhood). I don’t have very high wants either, like being particular about status or money, clothes or where I live that type of stuff (it helps I got off most of social media a long time ago - *** and *** influencer culture is huge driver of consumerism, so I am usually realistic and can curb all my wants). Overall I’m actually quite happy and live comfortably, and I focus on my real hobbies like reading or now recently, taking an interest in gardening (a result of a deep dive in sustainability and taking care of my health - diet choices). I actually made quite a progress on my mental and physical health ever since moving back home to the slow living in the countryside. I am in a much better now and I learned so much from books and documentaries about literally anything that interest me, and I try new things I never did before like paint or sing or cook or ride a bike. However it’s just little moments when I decide to log on for 15 minutes on *** and I see some of my previous acquaintances share life updates that I get curious about their life, and wonder a little bit about mine if I made the right choices. I am obviously a bit drawn to the alternative life, I am a bit weird in that I never really thought the same way as other people since I was a child, and despite showing some academic capability I struggled most with my mental health and family relationships that I quit school a few times now. now i am planning my next steps. I am doing better on all fronts except on one area - income/ work. I am currently unproductive but I will change that before this year ends. I should be currently looking for work, maybe online or my local area. thanks for reading, if any one of you got to the end. Tell me what you think, i appreciate it. 🍀

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