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Smileykyliee
378 M Embraced 3
PathStep 18 Compassion hearts20 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2024 Member sinceOctober 26, 2018
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i don’t know
Trauma Support / by Smileykyliee
Last post
 January 5th, 2024
...See more i don’t really know how to even start this. over new year’s eve, i think i was taken advantage of. or SA. idk which one to use. but on new years i was very drunk. i’m 20 years old. i drank with my older sister but she went to bed, and so i was going to sleep too. but my little cousin, who’s 16 i think, came over and got me to go over to his house next door to keep drinking. i was already really drunk but i agreed. we go to his house and drink and talk. he pulls out a bottle and makes me a mix. i don’t remember anything that happened next. i only remember getting a couple glimpses and then nothing. we were sitting on separate sides of his kitchen table, then it goes black. the next second i see he’s now sitting beside me. it goes black again. then he’s kissing me. it goes black. and we’re in his living room now, and he’s kissing me more. goes black again, i look down and see i have nothing on anymore. but he has all his clothes on and only pulled his pants down. he had me on top. it goes black, and suddenly i’m on the sitting back on the couch and his older brother saw us. he’s getting mad at my cousin who stands up mad and they start to fight. i didn’t know what was happening but there was a blanket covering me. his mom woke up from all the fighting and yelling. she sees them fighting, sees me with nothing but a blanket, and comes over to me and slaps me across the face. she yells at me. i got dressed, couldn’t find my shirt or sweater, but there was a cardigan behind me so i put that on and covered myself. i get up and grab my phone, i tell her i’m sorry and i didn’t know what happened. i walk home crying and confused. and called my friend sobbing. i go to my room and text my sister and mom. my sister laid with me and helped me. i found out his girlfriend had made a snap about me. i don’t know what she said about me cause i told my sister i didn’t want to know. but im so scared. i don’t want anyone knowing, im embarrassed and humiliated. his family saw me. i feel disgusting, uncomfortable, embarrassed, and ashamed. i haven’t left my house. my friend came over to stay with me so im not alone. but im still scared. im so exhausted. i just wanted to get this off my chest. so if you’ve read it all thank you for listening.
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drained
Depression Support / by Smileykyliee
Last post
 September 11th, 2023
...See more I don’t normally say anything about how i’m feeling. but lately i just don’t know what to do anymore. it’s gotten so bad. i don’t want to be the way i am. i want to get better but it’s so hard and so draining and i feel so useless. i cant do anything. i haven’t eaten anything, i haven’t slept, i haven’t gotten out of bed. im so tired of everything. i want my family to see me, to notice me, but all they see is my flaws. how im not helping out, im too lazy, im never up, or im too mean. it’s just so overwhelming. i feel like i can’t do anything. i don’t want to be a burden anymore. but i’m tired of being ignored, or being put down, or just tossed aside. i want my family to see how much i’m struggling but i don’t want to bother them. they have their own problems and i feel selfish for even writing this.
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too much
Eating Disorder Support / by Smileykyliee
Last post
 December 7th, 2021
...See more hello, idk what i’m doing tbh. i don’t know what to do. i think i used to have a eating disorder early in the year. like from january to april. i used to eat little bit during the day, and when night came, i ate everything and made myself throw it up. and it made me feel in control. but i stopped doing it. but right now i feel the need to do it again. i feel overwhelmed with everything and need to do something to feel in control again. how do i stop this?
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diary
Journals & Diaries / by Smileykyliee
Last post
 January 10th, 2021
...See more i can't seem to focus on the good parts of my life. i only see the bad. i want to be alone, but it's lonely. if that makes sense. idk. i cant keep up with all these expectations. i'm supposed to graduate this year and i want to, but i can't find the motivation to do my work. wanting to graduate isn't enough to get me to pick up my laptop. i just want to sleep and dream. dreaming is my favourite thing to do. i love the way i can escape into my own world and get away from my worries and be free. but i always wake up. please is there a way i can just dream forever and never wake up?
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