Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
Squishy20338
1 500 M Embraced 4
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts58 Forum posts11 Forum upvotes28 Current upvotes28 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2025 Member sinceAugust 16, 2025
Bio
Recent forum posts
Squishy20338 profile picture
Everything hurts make it stop
General Support / by Squishy20338
Last post
 August 27th, 2025
...See more I’ve posted about this kind of before. My ex broke up with me about 3 weeks ago, and it hurt. My anxiety was super high and it just… I guess scared her away? The thing is, it’s a whole mess. She was my first girlfriend, which I know is probably making this pain worse. She was the first person in over a decade who actually pushed past, what I call, my “happy mask.” For years, I buried my emotions, and I pretended everything was fine. I pretended I was perfectly okay, and I actually had started to convince myself I was okay. But she managed to make my happy mask drop. She made me feel safe enough to feel all of the emotions I had buried. And with that, my anxiety skyrocketed as I started to process them piece by piece, and I had looked to her for some emotional support in hard days because she made me feel safe. But then she left. I guess she just got tired of me trying to reach out for help, or she thought I turned into someone other than who she fell for. The thing is, now that the floodgates are open, I can’t close them. All of my anxiety and hurt from years of being buried are now flooding through me, and now adding on the pain and anxiety of a breakup with someone who meant everything to me… I hurt. Everything is pain right now. I am so drained of fighting to process my emotions and not drown in the flood. I can’t stay afloat for much longer. I have therapy, and I’m hoping that will be a life raft to help me survive this, but right now it’s just hard to do anything. I am barely eating because of my anxiety. It makes me feel so sick. I’m lucky if I get in 2 meals a day. I’m losing weight at an unhealthy rate, and I just have no motivation to do anything anymore. I feel like my ex isn’t even shedding a tear about our relationship. I know her well enough to know that she hides her emotions amazingly, but she is also more of a go with the flow kind of person, so I just can’t tell if she is even hurt by this. I’m trying not to care but it’s hard not to when all I feel is hurt, and she looks perfectly happy. I’m just struggling so much, and I’m exhausted from it
Squishy20338 profile picture
Feeling anxious and confused
General Support / by Squishy20338
Last post
 August 19th, 2025
...See more I made a posts about this yesterday, but I have some more I’d like to add, so ima make another one. My girlfriend broke up with me recently, which hurt a lot. I was doing relatively “okay” all things considered. I was healing, but then 2 nights ago I got some texts from my ex. She sounded super loopy and weird, but I thought nothing of it. I thought she was just reaching out to be friendly, but then in the morning when she finally texted me back again, she apologized and said she got drunk. The big problem with that is… neither of us are old enough to drink yet. We are both still in high school. While I get this is an unfortunately very normal thing, when I was getting to know her before we dated, she told me how she hated the taste of alcohol and how she wasn’t planning on drinking until she legally was allowed. I don’t know why this is effecting me so much, but it keeps sending me into mini panic attacks. I don’t know if it’s because she betrayed the last bit of trust I had in her. I don’t know if it’s because I still care about her enough to want her to make smart and safe decisions. I don’t know if it’s because drinking in general goes against my personal values, and maybe that has something to do with it. I am starting to regret ever dating her. Yes she made me happy while we were together, but… looking back she also caused me a lot of pain and anxiety. She ended our relationship pretty badly, and while I don’t blame her for it, it still stung. If I never dated her, I wouldn’t be as anxious. I wouldn’t be grieving the relationship she forsake. I wouldn’t be concerned about her drinking. I know things will get better one day, and when I look back, I will not change a single thing, but right now it’s just so hard to trust that. All I feel is anxiety and pain and confusion and grief, and I am running out of ways to cope with it. Do you ever feel like life keeps kicking you while you are down? Like every time you learn to start to live with something it throws something new at you and suddenly you fall on your face again, and are forced to pull yourself up, just so life can throw another thing at you? I’m just getting sick of feeling. Just feeling anything in general. I’m tired of constantly pushing through life’s problems just to find another one. I am tired of caring so much about people who don’t seem to care about anything. I don’t plan on quitting life. I just wish I could pause everything.
Squishy20338 profile picture
Concerned and Confused
General Support / by Squishy20338
Last post
 August 18th, 2025
...See more My gf broke up with me recently, which sucked, especially the way she ended things, and I was doing… relatively fine as I healed, but I found out recently she got drunk (more context soon). I found this out because in the middle of the night she texted me sounding all loopy, and in the morning she apologized saying she got drunk. The thing is… neither of us are legally old enough to drink. And while in the state I live in, it is legal to drink underaged if you are with guardian consent and supervision, I don’t think she was. I am pretty sure she was out with a friend at the time. I can’t tell if what is eating at me is the fact she betrayed the last bit of trust I had in her (she had promised me months ago she wouldn’t drink until she was old enough legally) or if it’s the fact that she is putting herself in danger, and while I no longer am dating her, I still want her to be safe. I just feel so overwhelmed and confused, and I am not sure what to do.
Search more from @Squishy20338
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
13 total badges
Hand Shake Linked First Post Reaching out Helping out Appreciated Voice Contributor First Compassion Helpful heart 7 Day Streak 14 Day Streak Teammate Forum Friend
Report an issue