Everything hurts make it stop
I’ve posted about this kind of before. My ex broke up with me about 3 weeks ago, and it hurt. My anxiety was super high and it just… I guess scared her away? The thing is, it’s a whole mess.
She was my first girlfriend, which I know is probably making this pain worse. She was the first person in over a decade who actually pushed past, what I call, my “happy mask.” For years, I buried my emotions, and I pretended everything was fine. I pretended I was perfectly okay, and I actually had started to convince myself I was okay. But she managed to make my happy mask drop. She made me feel safe enough to feel all of the emotions I had buried. And with that, my anxiety skyrocketed as I started to process them piece by piece, and I had looked to her for some emotional support in hard days because she made me feel safe. But then she left. I guess she just got tired of me trying to reach out for help, or she thought I turned into someone other than who she fell for.
The thing is, now that the floodgates are open, I can’t close them. All of my anxiety and hurt from years of being buried are now flooding through me, and now adding on the pain and anxiety of a breakup with someone who meant everything to me…
I hurt. Everything is pain right now. I am so drained of fighting to process my emotions and not drown in the flood. I can’t stay afloat for much longer. I have therapy, and I’m hoping that will be a life raft to help me survive this, but right now it’s just hard to do anything.
I am barely eating because of my anxiety. It makes me feel so sick. I’m lucky if I get in 2 meals a day. I’m losing weight at an unhealthy rate, and I just have no motivation to do anything anymore.
I feel like my ex isn’t even shedding a tear about our relationship. I know her well enough to know that she hides her emotions amazingly, but she is also more of a go with the flow kind of person, so I just can’t tell if she is even hurt by this. I’m trying not to care but it’s hard not to when all I feel is hurt, and she looks perfectly happy. I’m just struggling so much, and I’m exhausted from it
@Squishy20338 I'm really sorry to hear about your breakup. Please know that your feelings are valid, and you truly matter 🤍 it's completely okay to vent — you don't have to go through this alone ❤️ Sending lots of love your way 🐾💕
@Squishy20338
It must be so hurtful to you🫂🫂🫂💖 suppressed problems can be very difficult to deal with and I'm sorry you have to handle them all at once now that they are causing you pain💖 my tight hugs🫂🫂🫂🫂
Hi, I have also had a big heartbreak around 7 months ago and it hurt me deeply. It was a bit similar to your situation as it was my first relationship. You can text me if you want. I am not a listener but would be happy to chat if you think it can help you.
We are vulnerable while in love and I get you fully. But it is important to understand that the first person to protect and take care of ourselves is us - not our partner, not our family, not our friends. You can grieve the relationship and closeness. But try to ground yourself in the present and protect yourself as much as you can. When you are too harsh on yourself, think of thoughts that make you happier. Or do things that YOU appreciate and YOU care about - even small ones. This is what has helped me through time.
Take care !
Sorry I wrote a whole message and then realized maybe this app doesn’t allow you to text me.
Anyways, if you have any questions you can write them here. I know there are so many questions in your head - why did she leave? Did I do something wrong? Was there something wrong with me ? Does she even care ?
But there are some questions in this life that we will not have answer to. And usually it is for the best. Maybe the purpose of this girl in your life was to awaken your feelings and let you process it…
I believe that if someone is mature; really cares about you and values your presence, they won’t leave you because you show emotions. Don’t blame yourself for anything. Try to hold your hand like you would hold the hand of a child and guide them to a brighter future.
Protect yourself from self-sabotage. You can also read some books if it may help you or watch some videos about your specific situation. Sit with yourself and process your emotions.
Get used to it son. I'm 32 and after 3 serious relationships, it doesn't get better. It's almost like the women just get progressively more selfish as they get older. Keep dating. Get laid by as many women as possible, and never waste time on long term feelings of love again, because majority of women don't have the ability to love anyone after sex gets old.
