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TaoistDragon88
1 793 M Little Steps
Dealing with social anxiety one day at a time.
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts122 Forum posts53 Forum upvotes91 Current upvotes91 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2025 Member sinceJuly 9, 2025
Bio

Hi, I'm Tao. I'm a socially anxious person in their 30s, I am self-diagnosed as autistic. I'm hoping to find other introspective people to talk to so we can support eachother. I have tonnes of interests here are a few: 2D animation, gardening, dogs and cats, old literature.

Current Practice: Reflecting on the Tao Te Ching, IFS parts meditation, 5-min meditations, some self-EMDR, Person-centred therapy



Recent forum posts
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Trying to stop flowing away from myself
Self-Esteem / by TaoistDragon88
Last post
 August 19th, 2025
...See more I've been making efforts over the last month or so to sit with my experiences and new things I learn instead of instantly trying to turn them into something that will serve others. I've realised I have a habit of always imagining how I can pass on a kernel of something useful to the next person, but I haven't even given myself a chance to benefit before I'm trying really hard to pass it on. It's subtle, but for me this habit demonstrates that it's more important to give something useful so somebody else, to prioritise others over myself. I'm trying hard to at least concentrate more on sitting with my discoveries and using them for myself first, giving myself some time. It's so hard though, I feel like I'm trying to damn an inevitable tide, I'm so used to passing useful ideas onto others, they flow away before I even think of catching them. I want to sit low and relax by myself, like lying in a hammock. But I keep reaching out away from myself, reaching towards others, hoping for validation from them.
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Using dreams to reflect
General Support / by TaoistDragon88
Last post
 August 8th, 2025
...See more I've been taking time to reflect on my dreams a lot recently. My dreams are often bad. I used to just ignore my dreams and jump out of bed, trying to ignore how the dreams made me feel and just get on with my day. These days I'm listening to them more. In my dreams I'm always trying and trying but I never get anywhere. People reject me and I can't follow simple instructions or solve problems. I'm lost a lot. Now I'm listening to myself I feel sad, my subconscious had a lot to tell me about how I'm really feeling...I'm hoping by listening instead of ignoring it, it will slowly improve. Does anyone else do dream work of some kind? Has it helped?
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Struggling to connect with others over emotional journey
Autism Support / by TaoistDragon88
Last post
 July 30th, 2025
...See more As an autistic person, my interests get unnaturally intense, and that makes it hard for other people to connect with me. I think recently introspection and mental health has become one of my 'interests' and now it has become a bit too intense an interest and is weirding people out instead of finding connections. People don't mind making general statements like 'oh that sounds hard' or 'I'm here for you' but I want them to talk much more in-depth and get into the nitty gritty of how it might work from a psycholanalytical angle or for people to reference a famous theory or a classical literature that might match my interest. I think basically my interest in self-healing has gone the same way as my interest in movies for example, like how I want somebody to recommend me ten more similar movies and for us to talk about the making of and things.... but when it's mental health that's too intense for most people. A lot of listeners have suddenly stopped messaging me and gone offline, or their messages are very general reples - this doesn't work for me, and I don't think the things I am saying is working for them. I think I'll have to figure out a different way of feeling connected to people about mental health than the listening service... People think I should talk to a therapist if I'm talking too in-depth, but I am talking this in-depth because the subject has started becoming a fascination for me, but now I feel really awkward, because I want to connect, but it's hard not to rush forward and become too intense for most people.
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Tao's self-help book reviews and reflections
Reading & Writing / by TaoistDragon88
Last post
 July 30th, 2025
...See more I hope it's ok to randomly start a thread reviewing self-help books I'm reading/ have read, I haven't heard many people mention a lot of them here yet, but maybe some of these books can help other people too, as I've found a lot of them helpful! I would love to hear other people's opinions, too. ----------------------- The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron Difficulty: This book is in a language that is very conversational and easy to read. Who should read it: I recommend this book for anyone who seems more anxious or upset than people around them, or feels like they don't fit in with the loud, cheerful society around them.  It is aimed at adults so there are sections talking about adult life - relationships, work, parenting etc. But it also talks about childhood, which might be helpful for teens. Trigger warnings: None really, it talks about quite normal lives, nothing too upsetting. I avoided this book for a long time because I honestly thought it was embarrassing to be sensitive, and that I definitely wasn't sensitive. I'm a bit of a tomboy and thought of myself as very straightforward. But recently I finally got around to reading this and it is very different from what I expected! It talks about how 1 in 5 people are more sensitive to everything - their surroundings, how people are feeling etc. and those people have a special role to play in society - they help to look after everyone else by showing warning signs of when society isn't sustainable, or how to progress successfully instead of accidentally charging into disaster. Sensitive people are like the canary in the mine, that alert less sensitive people to danger, and to how to live in a way that will benefit everyone. With these special senses it is easy to get overwhelmed and need more quiet alone time to recover though, it's just part of being sensitive. Other people and events hurt sensitive people more easily, too. Some people mention the writing style of the book is too simplistic, a bit like a magazine article or horoscope reading, but personally I liked its tone and a lot of what it said made a lot of sense and really rang true for me. Overall, the book made me feel much more confident about being more sensitive than most people. There is a simple quiz at the beginning and I ticked most of the boxes. It made me think very differently about how I experience the world and helped me to stop thinking there is so much wrong with me.
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Feeling a bit lost with my role
General Support / by TaoistDragon88
Last post
 July 28th, 2025
...See more I'm having a year 'off' of starting new and challenging projects and work. I like the idea of helping people, but I suffer from so much anxiety around people that I have decided to have a full break this year. Sometimes I think I should withdraw from situations that involve lots of people permanently, and just turn inward to more creative things in my spare time, and accept that busy, social activities can't be a part of myself if I want to stay healthy. But then I feel like it would be great to do more and challenge myself to help others. I think I could join a charity and work with them, or start a local community project for a good cause. I find these things so stressful but I feel like helping to make the world a better place is really important... Does anyone else feel like they can't choose between more introvert activities and actively getting out there and helping others?
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Tao's thoughts
Journals & Diaries / by TaoistDragon88
Last post
 August 17th, 2025
...See more I have been needing somewhere to connect to others about my mental health and general introspections, and this seems like the best option because people can just read it if they feel like it, and message back if anything resonates with them. I feel very self-centred and a bit ridiculous writing about myself and my thoughts and feelings, a bit like a narcissist, but at the same time I know a lot of self-reflection is important for growth, and I would like to grow a lot more! I'm also scared to write publicly, but at the same time I think it is an important practice, I spend a lot of time observing other people's interractions, too hesitant to step in and send my own messages even though I would like to feel the connection that comes with messages in the chat room etc. I also felt some listeners were a bit mystified by me or my messages were too long, so hopefully this will work better. If you are a listener and want to try talking with me, please do get in touch :) ---------------------- Content: Autism, childhood, school experience, social anxiety Yesterday I listened to a video of a lecture by Sarah Hendrickx. She is an autism specialist and was talking about autism in women. She mentioned a lot of things that I already knew, but she reitterated a couple of points that I have continued thinking about today. * when you are autistic and female, you are often quite still and silent in social situations, as you carefully watch those around you and take in how they are behaving, so you can do the same to fit in.  * You aim to fit in with social circles by carefully copying the 'most successful' versions of social success that you see. Yesterday I thought that I don't really do those things, but as I reflected today I realised that I do, perhaps much more than I realised. I spent a large amount of time and school watching other children's actions from the outside, and trying to catch the trick of how certain things are achieved. I couldn't seem to get ready for the next lesson or task quickly like the other children, and sometimes seemed left out of interactions that I wished I was part of. I also remember being confident at some things - but they were things that held a lot of structure, like running games in the playground, and drawing. Because of these small successes, I still felt like I was doing something right as a child at school. Once I hit secondary school and girls were successful if they dressed, looked and talked a certain way, no amount of observing others could help me fit in. I was very hesitant to try and copy something that was so alien to me, but there didn't appear to be any other ways to be socially successful. I realise now at least some of my social anxiety comes from some part of me that finds success in excelling at an activity others feel has merit - it is my way of fitting in successfully with a group. When I don't look the same or behave the same as somebody else that I can see, I feel very scared and lost. Somehow when other socially savvy people are present, I lose my sense of self entirely. I have found society extremely confusing so I think I use the people around me as a guide of how to fit in. But that means when I don't feel some way that I look or act fits in, I feel terrified, like I have broken some kind of concrete rule about how to live correctly, and I'm lost in some way that is terrible. Today I can see a bit more clearly some of the chains that bind me to my anxiety. It is currently no easier to break them, just because I can see them, but I think learning more about myself is important, and hopefully it's another small step towards unpicking the threads of my anxiety a filament at a time.
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Looking for a lister
General Support / by TaoistDragon88
Last post
 July 22nd, 2025
...See more Hi, I'm looking for somebody long-term-ish to listen to me. I'm in my 30s always suffered from social anxiety but it's slowly improving. I have 'Little t' trauma - nothing outstandingly awful happened but I've suffered hurts that have created my anxiety. I've been reading 'body keeps the score', 'drama of the gifted child', 'the highly sensitive person', 'no bad parts' 'Tao the ching'. Looking for somebody to hear my realisations and progress, and maybe share an interest in books I've read, just to keep me company on my journey long- term, somebody to see my messages and reply when they have time (doesn't have to be immediate - maybe more like a pen-pal) with some interest and support. Thank you for reading
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