Trying to stop flowing away from myself

I've been making efforts over the last month or so to sit with my experiences and new things I learn instead of instantly trying to turn them into something that will serve others.

I've realised I have a habit of always imagining how I can pass on a kernel of something useful to the next person, but I haven't even given myself a chance to benefit before I'm trying really hard to pass it on.

It's subtle, but for me this habit demonstrates that it's more important to give something useful so somebody else, to prioritise others over myself. I'm trying hard to at least concentrate more on sitting with my discoveries and using them for myself first, giving myself some time.

It's so hard though, I feel like I'm trying to damn an inevitable tide, I'm so used to passing useful ideas onto others, they flow away before I even think of catching them.

I want to sit low and relax by myself, like lying in a hammock. But I keep reaching out away from myself, reaching towards others, hoping for validation from them.