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Wilsonskye14
1 151 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2021 Member sinceMarch 19, 2020
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Why do I cry every time we have sex?
Relationship Stress / by Wilsonskye14
Last post
 November 25th, 2021
...See more I don't know what's wrong with me lately but I have been having a lot of issues when it comes to my sex life with my boyfriend of 3 and a half years. We had a pretty healthy sex life-it was about 1 or 2 times every day/other day, then went down to 1 or 2 times a week, and now it's been non-existent. We just had sex for the first time in 2 months a few days ago. It's both of our faults, but I'm only speaking from my perspective because he is terrible at communicating with me. For me, I just have no desire having sex with him anymore. Every time we do, I can tell he's impatient and wants me to finish so he can get on with it. He only lasts like 5 minutes max and I always feel like I have to pretend and fake an orgasm so we could move on with it. He is a smoker so he loses his breath fast and tries to hurry so he finishes to get it other with. I also feel like he's not happy with my "tightness" now because when we have sex he squeezes my legs tight together. I've gained weight as a result of depression from losing my job and I also feel like he isn't attracted to me anymore. He tells me he is, but I can tell he doesn't want to have sex with me anymore either. Anytime I try to get him in the mood, he pushes me away and tells me not today. He never used to do that until a year into us dating. He doesn't compliment me, make me feel beautiful, nothing. The worst part of all of this is for the past year or so I bawl my eyes out EVERYTIME we have sex. Whether it's during or after. I'm always crying heavy and can't put my finger on it. I feel like a lot of it is I don't really feel a connection when we have sex anymore. I don't feel like it's passionate, special, or fun. I'm partly to blame because I just lay there anymore. But I can't exactly pin it on one thing. I don't understand why I cry like I do-it's not shedding a few tears. I have to go into the bathroom and start hyperventilating from crying so hard. And yes, I've tried talking with him. I feel like I try to have a conversation with him about it at least once a week but he never really responds to me in a way where we can resolve or find the root of these issues. He doesn't seem bothered about it which makes it worse for me because what if I'm overreacting? Is any of this normal? What does it mean? I'm so lost.
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I'm completely alone
Relationship Stress / by Wilsonskye14
Last post
 November 10th, 2021
...See more TW: this may address SA at some point. I've never felt so alone in my life. I'm angry I'm 26 and have no social life. My boyfriend of 3 years that I live with NEVER talks to me. He barely contributes anything to the convo, has 1 or 2 word responses, and never seems to care about what I have to say. I've mentioned that this bothers me at least once every other week it seems. It's so mentally draining. Besides him, all I have are my parents and my younger sister, but they are extremely toxic, confrontational, close-minded, and narcissistic. What makes it worse is I was very sheltered and have bad social anxiety, so most of my social life was spent with them. When I say I have no friends, I mean it. I have no social media, had no one I kept in contact with before I deleted my social media, and I've been alone in regards to friendship for the past 7 years now. In high school up until I was 18, I had a best friend I was inseparable with. She was the only person to this day I could be myself around and I saw us being friends until our dying breath. Dramatic, I know, but we had a great friendship I thought. That was ever since her and her boyfriend got me blackout drunk and her boyfriend SA'ed me with her in the room. I don't know if she knows he did what he did, which haunts me to this day, because I haven't spoken to her since. Ever since that happened 7 years ago, the trauma has made it so hard for me to connect to others, to make friends, to let people in, and trust them. Not to mention, my last friend before her who was like family up until shortly after high school, stopped speaking to me because I got drunk, had a panic attack at her birthday party, and had to leave. That, and I thought I was gay and came out and she hasn't spiken to me since. I've practically "ghosted" everyone that I almost got close to because I'm terrified they're going to hurt me in the same way or worse. I'm terrified no one wants to be my friend because of who I am. I'm angry I let myself feel this way, I'm angry my friends did what they did, I'm sad I'm at this point, and I'm at a loss for what to do. It's so lonely. I grieve over the fact that I may never experience what I did with my last 2 best friends, that I'll never have that connection, or ever come to trusting someone that way again. I feel pathetic for asking, but what should I do? How do I go about making friends?
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Should I break up with my boyfriend and how should I do it?
Relationship Stress / by Wilsonskye14
Last post
 December 28th, 2020
...See more I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years now. We've been engaged a year, we have lived together practically since we started dating, we are on a lease at our apartment, and own 2 dogs together. I've had doubts about my boyfriend for over a year now on and off. There's moments for a few months where i feel like everything is okay, but then I have months where I'm just miserable and don't want to be with him anymore. it's not that I don't love him, because I obviously do. I just can't see myself being happy with him like I should long term. He's very hard to talk to about feelings or anything. I'll vent to him about all that I'm going through and it's dead silent. His response is always "I don't know what to say." There's no communication. Or if I talk to him about my day or something that I'm into, he cuts me off to talk about something else. I don't even like having sex with him anymore or kissing him. He's not an affectionate person, something I want so bad from someone. His version of "affectionate" is trying to have sex. But the problem with that, is having sex with him is basically doing it on his terms and how he wants it. He tries to get me off but I know he's in a hurry to do it. It's obvious and always ruins the mood. He told me he just doesn't like getting me off? He still tries to but it's not the way it should be. When I want to have sex (it was like this for over a year), he would just push me away and say not tonight so I just gave up trying. He says he just doesn't like sex that much, but I don't know if I believe him. The other issue is he REFUSES to let me speak to my best friend, who is a guy, who I dated when I was 15 for 1 month (I'm 25 now mind you). His excuse is he doesn't trust my friend, he knows his intentions. I said who cares about his intentions? Trust that I won't do anything and let me have my friend back, but he won't because he's not comfortable with it. This happened toward the start of our friendship. Now, it's more complicated because my friend messaged me not too long ago and I've been secretly talking with him. It's nothing romantic at all, just friends catching up on everything, but I've kept it hidden from my boyfriend. I know it's not good to do that at all, but I know he won't let me talk to my friend, my best friend in the world, anymore if I told him so it's been so difficult. im not going to lie though, there were always feelings on and off between my ex and me from before. I'm not saying I want to break up with my boyfriend to get with this person, but I'm also having dreams about this person too, sexual and romantic dreams. I think about him all the time and miss him all the time. To me, if I'm thinking about someone else, I'm sure not thinking about my current boyfriend. I know I seem dirty, I feel dirty even saying all this out loud. But my problem now is, I'm terrified to break up with my boyfriend. I tried to on several occasions and it never worked out. The last time I did was the worst. He cried and begged me to stay with him the entire day, he wouldn't let me go. It was so uncomfortable. I still tried to leave, and I did and I was going to pack up my stuff throughout the week. But when I did leave that night, he went for a walk. He didn't respond to me the ENTIRE night just to let me know he made it home okay. I even told him I just wanted to make sure our dogs were okay. Finally, early in the morning, I was so scared I drove almost an hour to get to the apartment, banged on the door, and he was sleeping. I said why didn't you text me back, he said he didn't want to because he was too upset. I said you could've at least let me know you or the dogs were okay. He didn't seem so bothered by it. i don't know if it was the guilt, him not responding and scaring me , or what. But I told him, I'm giving him the choice of being with me if I tell him the secret about my ex/friend. He said he still wanted to be with me after all that, he was hurt, but accepted me back anyway. Later that day, he said he still doesn't want me talking to my friend and he's not gonna trust me for a while. I got mad because this is why I gave him the choice. I told him if he was upset and couldn't accept it I'd leave and let him figure it out, but he didn't. So I'm stuck again. im terrified to leave him because of how he acted before. I'm terrified he won't take it well. I don't want him to hurt himself or put himself in bad situations because I still care about him. I hate keeping secrets from him, but I'm miserable. I have no friends. My family isn't much of a support system. I don't know what else to do. im so confused about everything. We also have this apartment together where I know he wouldn't make it on his own without me, plus we have dogs and I feel wrong leaving them (I would never want to take them from him). I'm sorry if this is all over the place, I just don't know what to do, please help.
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