Should I break up with my boyfriend and how should I do it?

I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years now. We've been engaged a year, we have lived together practically since we started dating, we are on a lease at our apartment, and own 2 dogs together.

I've had doubts about my boyfriend for over a year now on and off. There's moments for a few months where i feel like everything is okay, but then I have months where I'm just miserable and don't want to be with him anymore.

it's not that I don't love him, because I obviously do. I just can't see myself being happy with him like I should long term. He's very hard to talk to about feelings or anything. I'll vent to him about all that I'm going through and it's dead silent. His response is always "I don't know what to say." There's no communication. Or if I talk to him about my day or something that I'm into, he cuts me off to talk about something else.

I don't even like having sex with him anymore or kissing him. He's not an affectionate person, something I want so bad from someone. His version of "affectionate" is trying to have sex. But the problem with that, is having sex with him is basically doing it on his terms and how he wants it. He tries to get me off but I know he's in a hurry to do it. It's obvious and always ruins the mood. He told me he just doesn't like getting me off? He still tries to but it's not the way it should be. When I want to have sex (it was like this for over a year), he would just push me away and say not tonight so I just gave up trying. He says he just doesn't like sex that much, but I don't know if I believe him.

The other issue is he REFUSES to let me speak to my best friend, who is a guy, who I dated when I was 15 for 1 month (I'm 25 now mind you). His excuse is he doesn't trust my friend, he knows his intentions. I said who cares about his intentions? Trust that I won't do anything and let me have my friend back, but he won't because he's not comfortable with it. This happened toward the start of our friendship. Now, it's more complicated because my friend messaged me not too long ago and I've been secretly talking with him. It's nothing romantic at all, just friends catching up on everything, but I've kept it hidden from my boyfriend. I know it's not good to do that at all, but I know he won't let me talk to my friend, my best friend in the world, anymore if I told him so it's been so difficult.

im not going to lie though, there were always feelings on and off between my ex and me from before. I'm not saying I want to break up with my boyfriend to get with this person, but I'm also having dreams about this person too, sexual and romantic dreams. I think about him all the time and miss him all the time. To me, if I'm thinking about someone else, I'm sure not thinking about my current boyfriend.

I know I seem dirty, I feel dirty even saying all this out loud. But my problem now is, I'm terrified to break up with my boyfriend. I tried to on several occasions and it never worked out. The last time I did was the worst. He cried and begged me to stay with him the entire day, he wouldn't let me go. It was so uncomfortable.

I still tried to leave, and I did and I was going to pack up my stuff throughout the week. But when I did leave that night, he went for a walk. He didn't respond to me the ENTIRE night just to let me know he made it home okay. I even told him I just wanted to make sure our dogs were okay. Finally, early in the morning, I was so scared I drove almost an hour to get to the apartment, banged on the door, and he was sleeping. I said why didn't you text me back, he said he didn't want to because he was too upset. I said you could've at least let me know you or the dogs were okay. He didn't seem so bothered by it.

i don't know if it was the guilt, him not responding and scaring me , or what. But I told him, I'm giving him the choice of being with me if I tell him the secret about my ex/friend. He said he still wanted to be with me after all that, he was hurt, but accepted me back anyway. Later that day, he said he still doesn't want me talking to my friend and he's not gonna trust me for a while. I got mad because this is why I gave him the choice. I told him if he was upset and couldn't accept it I'd leave and let him figure it out, but he didn't. So I'm stuck again.

im terrified to leave him because of how he acted before. I'm terrified he won't take it well. I don't want him to hurt himself or put himself in bad situations because I still care about him. I hate keeping secrets from him, but I'm miserable. I have no friends. My family isn't much of a support system. I don't know what else to do.

im so confused about everything. We also have this apartment together where I know he wouldn't make it on his own without me, plus we have dogs and I feel wrong leaving them (I would never want to take them from him).

I'm sorry if this is all over the place, I just don't know what to do, please help.