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amicableTortoise8718
13 128,681 M Soaring Heights 4
PathStep 14 Compassion hearts9,064 Forum posts17 Forum upvotes52 Current upvotes52 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2024 Member sinceOctober 4, 2023
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A poem I made about the lost childhood and finding love again
Mindfulness Center / by amicableTortoise8718
Last post
 July 21st, 2024
...See more Just this morning after more traumatic healin, I realized the absence of love is hate and that hate is all around us, within ourselves and breeds from some of our parents and our childhood. All the love was wasted  In a dreamland  All the peace was destroyed  In a dreamland All the hope was gone In a dreamland All the hate was an endless buffet All the pain fueled this world All the fear screamed our names Leave it all behind The burden of hate Leave the world of the dreamland Dreamland was the childhood That was a dream of luminating laughter and warmth Love is the absence of hate When hate is the only thing we know  Love cease to exist Give up the weapon  Give up the war  Cease the firing rage Return to the nature  Return to self Living the space of reality  Giving some room So love can grow  Let me know your thoughts. Love ❤️
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How Trauma Bonding teaches us to connect thru hurt
Trauma Support / by amicableTortoise8718
Last post
 May 8th, 2024
...See more So, this morning, I wondered why we keep attracting bad things into our lives. It's called trauma bonding. We go out into the world looking for people who share similar hurt. We want to take in their pain, and they take ours.  We experienced whatever we experienced in our lives, and we wanted more of the same thing. But the pain is also so painful we want to give it to someone else. For example, we want to dump our feelings of inadequacy, shame, pain, being ignored, bullying, and lack thereof onto someone else so we don’t have to keep all of it in us. Someone else who has the same beliefs will take it on and feel a traumatic bond. To break away, we simply do not accept others' trauma projection, and we do not give our trauma projection to others. If the trauma occurred in our childhood, we must say we don’t want to connect to people in our past with that trauma anymore. We are ready to move on and only accept good love making us whole.  The messages speak highly of me, the beautiful beliefs about us. We don’t want others' pain, and we are tired of it. We are loving, and we seek love, and we receive love.
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When parents were bad
7 Cups Online Therapy / by amicableTortoise8718
Last post
 April 29th, 2024
...See more We tend to take an all-or-nothing approach to how our parents raise us. We are in total agreement with the way our parents are and look for partners precisely like them. Or we despise everything the parent has and look for the opposite of one or both of our parents, especially if a parent has hurt us and was distanced from us. Deep down, we have developed some hobbies just like what they have. It would not be easy to separate our interests from our parents completely.  If we try doing that, we most likely won’t have any feelings for the new hobbies we develop and will end up feeling this intense love for the things we were raised with. For example, I am interested in finance and singing because my dad loves investment, and my mom always sang when I was growing up. I now work in the biotech field, in which I don’t feel the same passion as singing or finance because it was my chosen field after I was 27. It's the same as looking for a life partner. We either want someone exactly like our parents, or we try to look for the opposite of our parents. If we try to look for the opposite of our parents, we often won’t have a strong feeling for the person. If we look for someone just like our parents, we will have this fatal attraction that might result in a bad relationship. For example, I was always looking for a partner like my mom. She is absent-minded, aloof, doesn’t care about her kids, likes to spend time with friends, and is very childish. But I realize that some parts of her are good, like how quiet she is and not loud or her love for music and her sensitivities.  So the key is to embrace some good qualities in our parents, understand what are unhealthy, and do our best to shift into some parts of sound qualities from our parents and none of the toxic qualities. Perhaps a better look at this would be acknowledging the good qualities in our parents and adapting to healthy qualities another healthy partner will have. This also applies to our work and our chosen hobbies. We will always have the imprint of our family, and we have to see them for what they are. Good or bad.
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Building Self-Esteem Series : Setting Up Emotional Boundaries
Self-Esteem / by amicableTortoise8718
Last post
 April 11th, 2024
...See more When we think about self-esteem, we often think about things we can do for ourselves as self care tips. Like every safe country has an effective defensive system against external threats. If we want to keep our high self-esteem, we must also have a strong emotional boundaries. Emotional boundaries keep others emotions outside of our mind. When others want to vent, or dump their negative discontent on us, we must say those emotions does not belong to me! When we keep others emotions outside of our mind, we can take full responsibilities on how we feel. We want to find ways to deal with our emotions and process our feelings. Once we have built that strong emotional fenses, our self-esteem and happiness will steadily rise and in a stable way because now we are not impacted by external factors. ❤️
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