Building Self-Esteem Series : Setting Up Emotional Boundaries
When we think about self-esteem, we often think about things we can do for ourselves as self care tips.
Like every safe country has an effective defensive system against external threats. If we want to keep our high self-esteem, we must also have a strong emotional boundaries.
Emotional boundaries keep others emotions outside of our mind. When others want to vent, or dump their negative discontent on us, we must say those emotions does not belong to me!
When we keep others emotions outside of our mind, we can take full responsibilities on how we feel. We want to find ways to deal with our emotions and process our feelings.
Once we have built that strong emotional fenses, our self-esteem and happiness will steadily rise and in a stable way because now we are not impacted by external factors.
❤️
@amicableTortoise8718
Thank you for sharing your wise reflection on the critical difference between "personal" emotions and "other people's" emotions. This is especially important for empaths, and those who are highly sensitive to absorbing other people's emotions.
Having emotional boundaries is indeed quite necessary. I like how you linked emotional boundaries with self-esteem, I do think they are very complementing too and definitely quite impacting on one another.
Would you like to share any tips on establishing emotional boundaries with self and others?😊❤
@sunisshiningandsoareyou
Yes I am very excited now that having been living for the past 30 years, I only started recognizing the importance of emotional boundaries but it has instantly changed my empath/over sensitive emotionally traits.
There are really two aspects to a strong emotional boundary.
One is to the outside influence, we must consciously move away, excuse ourselves, let go of, detach and assert ourselves when others are emotionally either dumping their emotions on us (it can be a conscious manipulative move or just lack of self awareness from their end), or when they try to draw us into complimenting them (purposefully want to make you laugh at their jokes, or seek validations thru showing off their achievements).
The key with interacting with anyone externally is to remind ourselves that “our feelings matters and they are responsible for how they feel and I do not wish to change them in any way”.
The most important key to remember is “ we cannot change anyone and should not change anyone in our emotional or other efforts.”
The internal emotional boundary is like our little inner child and how our inner parent learn about healthy ways to comfort her and listen to her.
One example I recently had was that, I had an unpleasant interaction with someone and my inner child told my inner parent “I don’t want him, I want you to protect me.” By me listening to my inner child, the inner parent takes actions to cease interactions with the person and firmly tell the person to leave us alone.
The inner parent is also the strong one to take actions to love our inner child and help us to feel better and defend ourselves or reiterate the importance of emotional responsibility to ourselves but not to others.
By the end of it, my inner child was so excited that she could play like a princess and her inner parent could be proud to say no to bad feelings other try to put on us. They both feel like a queen and a princess in the body they live in. (Improving and with higher self esteem). 👸 ❤️😍
@amicableTortoise8718
I am soooo appreciative of you taking the time to explain this so beautifully and with examples, thanks a lot for sharing. It makes a lot of sense, gentle compassionate reminders to self that our feelings matter too and having an internal boundary to protect our inner child by listening to their needs and providing them the safety and comfort they deserve is so so important!
I'm happy you've been learning, growing and doing better on this front, allowing your inner child to feel safe and happy too. She deserves this, soo much. Much love your way!💗
Thank you so much! I am glad you are finding this to be useful. :)
@amicableTortoise8718 Gosh, I had no idea until reading this how I was taking other people’s emotions on as my own. I’m not sure where to even start figuring out what mine vs what’s theirs. I feel like my mind just exploded. Thank you for posting this.
Glad you find this information as revolutionary as I do.
@amicableTortoise8718 emotional boundaries🤔🤔🤔🤔
Thanks. Let me know if you have more questions!
@amicableTortoise8718 could you define a bit more what emotional boundaries are? Sometimes I feel like I have a hard time dealing with this because I want to move on with my life in some areas as an adult, but I also feel like I am being held back a bit by my mom. How do I bridge the gap between the boundaries while still being there for my mom when I move out? Emotionally, I feel sad about this, but I also feel a sense of tension and growth. I have not lived on my own for a few years and am nervous about it, but I am not sure when this will happen anyways... I am just thinking about the near future.
E
It is important to explain to yourself and her that
“her emotions are not yours so while she can feel sad for you leaving, it’s ultimately up to her to find a way to feel better.”
You can feel for her but not become one with her emotion.
You can notice her feelings but look at it from a third persons perspective.
I hope that helps.
@amicableTortoise8718 yes, this helps a lot. thank you :)
@amicableTortoise8718
This post was very valuable. Thank you!
