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boanerges1
1 738 M Little Steps
PathStep 50 Compassion hearts49 Forum posts18 Forum upvotes24 Current upvotes24 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2026 Member sinceMay 5, 2026
Bio

I’m in a process of trying to understand myself more fully—emotionally, mentally, and in my relationships. I often struggle with internal conflict, emotional overwhelm, and shutting down instead of expressing what I feel.

I’m looking for support that helps me be honest with myself, stay grounded, and slowly build healthier ways of connecting with others and handling my emotions.

Recent forum posts
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abstinence log
Addiction Support / by boanerges1
Last post
 June 8th
...See more I’m struggling, if I’m being real. I’m trying abstinence from porn and compulsive sexual habits because I’m tired of feeling pulled around by urges and instant gratification. I don’t hate myself for it, but I don’t like how dependent I feel on it either. I want to know what life feels like when I’m not constantly chasing stimulation or numbing things out. I know this probably won’t be easy, and I’ll probably mess up at times, but I want to try anyway. Mostly, I just don’t want to feel alone in this.
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stuck in my head.
Self-Esteem / by boanerges1
Last post
 May 13th
...See more I'm trying and failing. The time between slips isn't helping me see that I'm trying. That's backwards, but it's the reality I'm currently stuck in. I'm trying to get better and failing at an alarming rate. I'm at a point where healing hurts and im starting to dislike myself. All I can see is what I'm doing wrong. I know that the act of trying is a step in itself, but I can't get over my own failures though. It's not just what I've done, but how much I'm messing up now that I'm trying to fight with. I'm not sure if it's because I'm uncovering the problems or if I'm making them worse. the feeling is heavy and suffocating.   the part no one told me about is how hard it is to be kind to yourself through the journey to healing. im still moving forward. pushing through because im at a point that staying in the dark parts of myself is more painful then changing.  
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my path step 23 is make a post. here is a poem i wrote.
Mindfulness Center / by boanerges1
Last post
 May 7th
...See more There comes a moment before every journey where the soul stands motionless at the edge of itself. Not because the path is hidden, but because beginning asks something from us that staying still never will. Starting is heavy. Heavier than the miles that follow it. Because to begin is to loosen your grip on the person you were when surviving was all you knew. People praise endurance, but rarely the quiet courage it takes to take the first step while still afraid. To move before certainty arrives. To choose change while part of you still aches for the familiar cage. And maybe that is the journey— not the distance, not the healing, not the destination— but the moment stillness finally breaks. I used to think starting was small, just the beginning of something greater. But now I think it may be the greatest part of all. Because the version of me that could not survive the storm had to fade so another version could rise from it. So I no longer say “I’m starting my healing journey.” Because somewhere between the fear and the first step, I already started.
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Just a place to talk.
Autism Support / by boanerges1
Last post
 May 9th
...See more I just wanted to create this thread to give people like me a place to go to talk to other people that are going through similar things. My eldest son is autistic, I am his father and also autistic. Sometimes it's difficult for me to navigate parenting him. This can be a place where similar people can share stories and talk about their experiences.
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Overwhelmed
Relationship Stress / by boanerges1
Last post
 May 6th
...See more Hi, I’m looking to talk with someone who’s comfortable discussing kink/BDSM topics. My wife has strong BDSM/kink preferences that I’m trying to understand and engage with, but I’m running into internal resistance, anxiety, and a kind of freeze response when I try to meet her needs. It’s starting to affect my confidence and how I feel about myself in the relationship, especially around feeling like I’m not fully able to satisfy her. I’m not just looking for technique or “how-to” advice—I really want to dig into what’s going on emotionally and mentally for me, and how this is affecting my connection with her, and how I can approach it in a healthier way without shutting down or feeling overwhelmed. I’d really appreciate someone who can help me sort through both the kink side and the relationship/emotional side together.
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