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braveSpruce7209
5 9,963 M Pacing Forward 2
PathStep 9 Compassion hearts283 Forum posts40 Forum upvotes57 Current upvotes57 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2025 Member sinceMay 1, 2025
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Loneliness
Depression Support / by braveSpruce7209
Last post
 June 24th, 2025
...See more It has became a home to me it hurts me a lot but I want that hurt a lot I desire pain of being lonely I'm not able to let go it.. I don't know why but I prefer numbness over happiness or emotions.. Being like this for years this feels safe than letting someone break me again.. Lack of trust creates loneliness and I've isolated myself from everyone.. I'm becoming empty day by day I know this is eating me up... I many times feel likes there's no hope for me to continue but still I'm here.. I'm stuck in this pattern and I know I would never live my life I'll stay like this forever and then in moments of my last breaths I'll regret that maybe I should had choosed different path but I'm not able to.
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Inferiority
Self-Esteem / by braveSpruce7209
Last post
 July 4th, 2025
...See more Well I'm a introvert and I'm entangled with many issues in my life lack of self confidence, low self esteem, feeling of inferiority and all I'm never happy and I don't think so I'll ever be but I just don't want to continue my life like this I'm not inferior than them but I feel it.. Infact I observed that I feel Inferior bcz of way my childhood was never got attention and love from parents never got any value by classmates never got friends and whenever I had friends I have them more value and then they took me for granted and treated me like nothing other than waste. I'm done with living like this.. How can this be so that someone else is less or more valuable than me I too deserve and in fact everyone deserve everything everyone deserves love right I need to be happy but I don't know the way to.. I've became too much reserved cuz I don't want to get hurt anymore so I've stopped trying to make friends. I don't want to feel inferior or less anymore so I've stopped showing myself my authenticity I stay alone and never let anyone to see me or know me I stay rude sometimes and sometimes quiet to others.. They may find me rude or dumb cuz I don't speak or I stay just in studies.. But haven't all this costed me happiness I want to smile but now I can't this was the pattern I unconsciously choosed but I don't I just don't want to follow the same pattern .. It's just worse to not have any friends or any source of happiness in life . I personally feel that till now I've just survived in my life and never lived but I don't know how to even live... I feel bad for the way I'm.. In fact I still remember when last bench was empty my benchmate started arguing with me cuz he didn't wanted to sit me u know why cuz I don't speak cuz I'm not friendly I was too hurt at that moment but I wasn't able to show I always stay kind of numb and I always seem Emotionless to everyone but I'm not so I too want to feel I too want to live life I'm a human too..And I don't think so that any human deserves this.. Maybe being a introvert is kind of challenge in the world I live cuz I know that ok I can't socialize too much but it doesn't means I don't want anyone to talk to share.. I've always been like this but it's tiring.. I too want to have someone to talk I too want to have happy moments and sad moments too.
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Hatred
Depression Support / by braveSpruce7209
Last post
 June 20th, 2025
...See more I don't feel anyone understands me or I'm anle to connect to anyone I'm just becoming more numb day by day and I've started hating everyone even any living thing I'm getting more lonelier day by day and I'm getting filled with too much hatred and negativity.
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Lonely
Friendship Support / by braveSpruce7209
Last post
 May 6th, 2025
...See more I've never been able connect with anyone I never felt heard I always got betrayed bcz I was the one thinking that maybe something is less in ke that's why I don't feel ppl understand me. I'm not even agle to express basic emotions bcz I feel ppl around me won't get it. I've never shared how my day was in school with my parents always worse I've mostly sat alone bcz who likes quiet one.? Maybe I'm not enough to grab their attention but at least I was always pure I've never had intentions to hurt anyone still it was only me who got hurt. Ppl comment me that I reflect negative energy why they can't get it's my arrogance hiding my softness bcz of fear of getting hurt again. Each time I letted someone enter I never felt loved I never felt being heard. I try to accept the fact that maybe I'm not meant for it but still my heart aches. I try to accept that it's just human desire to get heard psychologically bcz they want to feel that they made some change in world they came and they mattered, their lives made some safe space but mine never. I see ppl happy around me but I'm not able to share smile I try my best to smile but I can't when I'm breaking inside else why would anyone choose to not smile, I try to blend in hut I'm not able to I'm not able to share their mentality . I see them happy I tried many times being with them but I always felt empty and worthless no one ever valued me then I distance myself everytime maybe I'm not meant for it but still feeling lonely has became home. I don't know even when I balance my life with work still on those days I want to feel pain, I'm not able to welcome happiness, even anyone I'm not able to grap happiness and even I don't want to I just want pain in my life bcz that's what I always got and it feels gud bcz I feel it crying makes me feel sad and that is okay to me but not when I'm actually crying but when I'm feeling numb.
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Loneliness my enemy or companion it is
Friendship Support / by braveSpruce7209
Last post
 May 4th, 2025
...See more I've never been able connect with anyone I never felt heard I always got betrayed bcz I was the one thinking that maybe something is less in ke that's why I don't feel ppl understand me. I'm not even agle to express basic emotions bcz I feel ppl around me won't get it. I've never shared how my day was in school with my parents always worse I've mostly sat alone bcz who likes quiet one.? Maybe I'm not enough to grab their attention but at least I was always pure I've never had intentions to hurt anyone still it was only me who got hurt. Ppl comment me that I reflect negative energy why they can't get it's my arrogance hiding my softness bcz of fear of getting hurt again. Each time I letted someone enter I never felt loved I never felt being heard. I try to accept the fact that maybe I'm not meant for it but still my heart aches. I try to accept that it's just human desire to get heard psychologically bcz they want to feel that they made some change in world they came and they mattered, their lives made some safe space but mine never. I see ppl happy around me but I'm not able to share smile I try my best to smile but I can't when I'm breaking inside else why would anyone choose to not smile, I try to blend in hut I'm not able to I'm not able to share their mentality . I see them happy I tried many times being with them but I always felt empty and worthless no one ever valued me then I distance myself everytime maybe I'm not meant for it but still feeling lonely has became home. I don't know even when I balance my life with work still on those days I want to feel pain, I'm not able to welcome happiness, even anyone I'm not able to grap happiness and even I don't want to I just want pain in my life bcz that's what I always got and it feels gud bcz I feel it crying makes me feel sad and that is okay to me but not when I'm actually crying but when I'm feeling numb.
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Loneliness is my desire or requirement to be fulfilled?
Friendship Support / by braveSpruce7209
Last post
 May 1st, 2025
...See more I've never been able connect with anyone I never felt heard I always got betrayed bcz I was the one thinking that maybe something is less in ke that's why I don't feel ppl understand me. I'm not even able to express basic emotions bcz I feel ppl around me won't get it. I've never shared how my day was in school with my parents always worse I've mostly sat alone bcz who likes quiet one.? Maybe I'm not enough to grab their attention but at least I was always pure I've never had intentions to hurt anyone still it was only me who got hurt. Ppl comment me that I reflect negative energy why they can't get it's my arrogance hiding my softness bcz of fear of getting hurt again. Each time I letted someone enter I never felt loved I never felt being heard. I try to accept the fact that maybe I'm not meant for it but still my heart aches. I try to accept that it's just human desire to get heard psychologically bcz they want to feel that they made some change in world they came and they mattered, their lives made some safe space but mine never. I see ppl happy around me but I'm not able to share smile I try my best to smile but I can't when I'm breaking inside else why would anyone choose to not smile, I try to blend in hut I'm not able to I'm not able to share their mentality . I see them happy I tried many times being with them but I always felt empty and worthless no one ever valued me then I distance myself everytime maybe I'm not meant for it but still feeling lonely has became home. I don't know even when I balance my life with work still on those days I want to feel pain, I'm not able to welcome happiness, even anyone I'm not able to grap happiness and even I don't want to I just want pain in my life bcz that's what I always got and it feels gud bcz I feel it crying makes me feel sad and that is okay to me but not when I'm actually crying but when I'm feeling numb.
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