Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
convivialWatermelon3441
1 1,076 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts72 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes17 Current upvotes17 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2025 Member sinceJune 12, 2017
Bio
Recent forum posts
convivialWatermelon3441 profile picture
Narcissistic Mother? Helicopter parents??
Family & Caregivers / by convivialWatermelon3441
Last post
 June 17th, 2024
...See more Wasn't sure where to start. I'm 30 years old, have been married almost 6 years and have 2 kids. My parents have never cared for my husband and it's always caused a lot of tension and winded up driving me to move out of my parents home in my early 20s. My dad passed almost 4 years ago now so my husband and I moved in with my mom to help her out with the house and financially. Since then, it's been battle after battle with home repairs and issues with my mom not helping, etc. When my dad passed my mom filed for bankruptcy to help cover some bills, but it winded up costing her more... my husband and myself have done/do everything we can from keeping the house clean, to yard work, to buying extra groceries, etc. The house needs even more work now with the AC breaking on us, dryer went out, etc. We are outgrowing the house as well.. it's a 3bed, 1bath and a little over 1,000 Sq feet with 3 adults and 2 kids... i just have really felt like I just can't sink anything else into because we're not going to stay there forever and it's taken so much out of us already. The plan was to let my mom get out of bankruptcy, which would have been 2.5 more years...then selling the house. Well....we were offered a home for rent from my husband's family in our proce range. It's a 3bed, 2 bath house, 1,600 Sq feet. Perfect for us and the kids. It was a bit unexpected. I sat down with my mom and told her what was going on. She has the option of selling the house were in which would pay off her debt and give her some equity of out it. This is such a good opportunity for my own family and I didn't want to pass it up. My mom is still very well capable of caring for herself. But she's upset with me over wanting to move. I told her that we would help her as much as we could to get everyone settled. But she's upset that I don't want to continue living with her. If I were to spend the remainder of her life with her, then over half my life will have been spent living under the same roof with a parent. And that's just not a goal for me. I don't want to be in my 50s before finally getting some privacy with my own family. My mom has always been a bit too involved. I was her best friend growing up, not my dad. So when my husband and I got together, I think it was hard for her because she felt like she was losing me. But they pushed me away more by being so controlling and unsupportive. As na adult, it seems lik3 every decision I've made, they have hated... really. So now, she's blaming my husband and his family for, "taking me and the kids away from her." Anytime we do something she doesn't like, my husband gets the blame and I, "let it happen." But it was fine for her to move in with her boyfriend a year ago and leave us having to pay for her house by ourselves... it wad fine for her to go on a cruise to the Bahamas with a man she knew a month...2 weeks after my daughter (her granddaughter) was born... And anytime I try to say something to her about something that's bothering me, she feels like I'm attacking her... And now she's trying to guilt trip me over moving by making comments like, "I always told your daddy I would die alone." And "I'll never see you and the kids again." Or new one today.. "I'll die within a year because I don't ever est nothinf." But yet doesn't cook because she says we don't like what she cooks, but she doesn't like what we cook...never eats because she would rather drink beer and never eats even if I do cook something she likes...but because I want to move, she's going to starve?? Make it make sense.... There's so much more I could throw in here....I just needed to vent. I'm so tired of fighting and slaving and being guilt tripped and being used... I want my house with my husband and my kids....I want to be free.
convivialWatermelon3441 profile picture
Adult daughter doesn't want to live with me
50 & Over Community / by convivialWatermelon3441
Last post
 April 11th, 2024
...See more My only child is 30, married and has 2 small children. My husband, her dad, passed almost 4 years ago and to help everyone out, they came to live with me. Since then, we've had major problems with our home, natural disasters, etc. I put myself through bankruptcy after my husband's passing because I felt no other way out. I have about a year and a half left then I will be done with it. Part of me knew they probably didn't want to stay with me the rest of my life but I was hoping. Our house isn't big enough, but its our home and it's a roof. It's a 3 bedroom, 1 bath. She has a son (5) and a daughter (2) and she reminds me all the time that when they are older, they will need their own rooms, which I know. She's a good kid and a good mother and I tell her that all the time. Now, the house needs more work. Repainting, new deck, new AC until (completely gone). Yesterday, my daughter came to me and asked me what I thought about the house. If we sold it, it would pay off my bankruptcy, my truck and we would have equity out of the home. I would need to find somewhere to go. They have been offered a 3 bedroom, 2 bath house in their budget and don't want me to come with them. She told me she doesn't want to put me in a bad position and will help as much as she can to get everyone settled. But I don't want them to leave. I don't want to live alone. I would have to move and sell out because of my bankruptcy, but could afford to live alone once it settles. She said if I need somewhere to stay temporarily, I could stay with them, but it is still a 3 bedroom so that means I couldn't stay there permanently. And her goal is to raise her kids there. She made the comment yesterday that if we stayed together, she will be hopefully be well into her 50s before anything happened to me (I'm 63) and her and her husband have only lived completely alone for 2 years out of their 8 year relationship. I told her living alone isn't all it's cracked up to be. And I have never cared too much for her husband, but I tell her I love him anyways. She just hit me with this and I have no idea what to do, what to think, what to say.... I don't want this. Nothing ever goes right in my life.
convivialWatermelon3441 profile picture
Moving and pet problem
Family & Caregivers / by convivialWatermelon3441
Last post
 April 9th, 2024
...See more I made a post a few days regarding some issues with my mother, whom I live with. It's my husband, myself and our 2 children that all live with my mom. We moved in after my dad passed a fee years ago. Living here has been somewhat of a nightmare from my mom not wanting to help to problems with the house to natural disasters, etc. My husband and I have been offered a house in our budget that's more spacious for us and the kids. My father-in-law is renting us the house and does not want any pets at all and we've had our cat for 7 years now. Normally, I would not be quick to take the offer, but we really need our own space. Big downside is he doesn't want pets and we've had our cat for 7 years. The kids love her, she's clean, quiet, declawed...buy no matter bow much we have tried, no pets... I'm torn because we love her and we want to do the right thing, but this is such a good opportunity for us to finally have a place of our own...I'd hate to pass it up... I feel irresponsible almost because like we chose to have her...idk. Any advice? Words of encouragement...
convivialWatermelon3441 profile picture
Issues with Mom as an adult
Family & Caregivers / by convivialWatermelon3441
Last post
 April 2nd, 2024
...See more I have no idea what to do here... Part of me feels bad, then another part doesn't. Backstory: I'm 30, my husband and I have been married for almost 6 years and have 2 children. My parents have never been a fan of my husband and were controlling when we first got together (I was 22, paying for things on my own and carrying my weight around the house with my parents). I eventually moved out due to the controlling behaviors. My husband had never done anything to either of themand I had known him for several years.. Jump ahead a few years, after we were married and our first was born. In July of 2020 my dad passed from a massive heart attack. It was very unexpected. My parents, myself and husband had all planned on getting a house together before he passed, but we're waiting until our lease was up in our apartment, which was in August. So, my husband and I decided to move in with my mother to be there and help both support and financially. We moved in August and September we were hit with a severe hurricane. Had 2 trees on our roof with damage, without power for a few days, etc. My husband and I forked out $2500 to remove trees until insurance money came to have it fixed. By this point, my mom has filed bankruptcy for herself as she felt she couldn't pay off debts her and my dad had accumulated. She had said she would give us back the money after everything was fixed as we would have plenty left over...well we've never seen that money. Since then we've forked out more money for the house (which only has her name on it) because we've needed AC work done and hot water heater, pipelines, etc. We're up to close to $9000 total in the last 4 years, some of which has gone on credit cards that we've worked hard to pay off now.... whew. This isn't even the main problem. We've bought more groceries, my mom barely helps around the house. And she is healthy and capable... spends a ton of money on beer and cigarettes, curses around the kids (I now have 2 children). When my daughter was born, she had been seeing a man. He is nice and is great with the kids, but she had just met him when my daughter was born and decided 2 weeks after she was born that her and her boyfriend were going to go on a cruise out of the country. She knew this man a month...her exact words to me when I confronted her about how I was feeling were, "I can't put my life on hold for you." That stung because I had just spent the last 2 years making sure she was good. When my dad passed, she never once looked at me and said how are you? I don't necessarily fault her for that because I haven't lost a spouse, but it stings a bit. When we moved in she said, "if yall will drive me to the bar sometimes, I will keep my grandson so yall can go on a date night sometimes." Well we reciprocated our end of that deal, but she didn't. Everytime, we have asked her and gave her at least a weeks notice, she's said no. Alright, cool, your not obligated to watch him, he's my kid, but I told her she could drive herself to the bar and be responsible. I've gotten to where I just don't ask her for anything... I don't even like her offering anymore. She leaves dirty dishes out or puts them in the sink instead of washing them. We have no dishwasher... I wash up my dishes... and was doing hers for a while but I'm just tired of it. I cook, clean up afterwards, watch my kids, don't ask her for a single thing. My husband andni work opposite shifts so he helps as he can but he's not always here... This is not my time to raise a 60 year old capable woman. It's my time to raise and spend time with my children.... and I'm just tired of feeling like a slave or a maid. She has terrible hygiene and I'm OCD and suffer from anxiety so I'm suffocating here. My father in law has offered us a way out. Offered to buy any house we wanted and he would rent it out to us for $700/month. There's nothing that cheap in out city that's good and safe. House would be ours when he passes. But my mom can't afford to live here by herself and will immediately say, "yall just going to let me be homeless" or something to that nature. She is also the type that will make herself the victim in any situation so I will immediately be the bad guy here... but I can't take it. I love her, but I feel like we would have such a better relationship with distance, with separate house holds.... There's so much more tiny bits of info I could throw in. Things she's said, done, trauma, hurt... etc. I'm not perfect....but she's the parent I strive not to be. She was great as a child, growing up she was there...but as an adult building my own way, not at all... not at all... Any advice, criticism, similar experiences welcome!
Search more from @convivialWatermelon3441
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
19 total badges
Hand Shake Linked Quintet Super Active Chief Chat Honest Voice Confident Voice Strong Start Reconnect First Post Reaching out Helping out First Compassion Helpful heart Bundled Teammate Group Friend Forum Friend Strong Bond I
Report an issue