Issues with Mom as an adult

I have no idea what to do here... Part of me feels bad, then another part doesn't.

Backstory: I'm 30, my husband and I have been married for almost 6 years and have 2 children. My parents have never been a fan of my husband and were controlling when we first got together (I was 22, paying for things on my own and carrying my weight around the house with my parents). I eventually moved out due to the controlling behaviors. My husband had never done anything to either of themand I had known him for several years..

Jump ahead a few years, after we were married and our first was born. In July of 2020 my dad passed from a massive heart attack. It was very unexpected. My parents, myself and husband had all planned on getting a house together before he passed, but we're waiting until our lease was up in our apartment, which was in August. So, my husband and I decided to move in with my mother to be there and help both support and financially.

We moved in August and September we were hit with a severe hurricane. Had 2 trees on our roof with damage, without power for a few days, etc.

My husband and I forked out $2500 to remove trees until insurance money came to have it fixed.

By this point, my mom has filed bankruptcy for herself as she felt she couldn't pay off debts her and my dad had accumulated. She had said she would give us back the money after everything was fixed as we would have plenty left over...well we've never seen that money.

Since then we've forked out more money for the house (which only has her name on it) because we've needed AC work done and hot water heater, pipelines, etc. We're up to close to $9000 total in the last 4 years, some of which has gone on credit cards that we've worked hard to pay off now.... whew.

This isn't even the main problem. We've bought more groceries, my mom barely helps around the house. And she is healthy and capable... spends a ton of money on beer and cigarettes, curses around the kids (I now have 2 children). When my daughter was born, she had been seeing a man. He is nice and is great with the kids, but she had just met him when my daughter was born and decided 2 weeks after she was born that her and her boyfriend were going to go on a cruise out of the country. She knew this man a month...her exact words to me when I confronted her about how I was feeling were, "I can't put my life on hold for you." That stung because I had just spent the last 2 years making sure she was good. When my dad passed, she never once looked at me and said how are you? I don't necessarily fault her for that because I haven't lost a spouse, but it stings a bit.

When we moved in she said, "if yall will drive me to the bar sometimes, I will keep my grandson so yall can go on a date night sometimes." Well we reciprocated our end of that deal, but she didn't. Everytime, we have asked her and gave her at least a weeks notice, she's said no.

Alright, cool, your not obligated to watch him, he's my kid, but I told her she could drive herself to the bar and be responsible.

I've gotten to where I just don't ask her for anything... I don't even like her offering anymore.

She leaves dirty dishes out or puts them in the sink instead of washing them. We have no dishwasher... I wash up my dishes... and was doing hers for a while but I'm just tired of it. I cook, clean up afterwards, watch my kids, don't ask her for a single thing. My husband andni work opposite shifts so he helps as he can but he's not always here...

This is not my time to raise a 60 year old capable woman. It's my time to raise and spend time with my children.... and I'm just tired of feeling like a slave or a maid. She has terrible hygiene and I'm OCD and suffer from anxiety so I'm suffocating here.

My father in law has offered us a way out. Offered to buy any house we wanted and he would rent it out to us for $700/month. There's nothing that cheap in out city that's good and safe. House would be ours when he passes.

But my mom can't afford to live here by herself and will immediately say, "yall just going to let me be homeless" or something to that nature. She is also the type that will make herself the victim in any situation so I will immediately be the bad guy here... but I can't take it.

I love her, but I feel like we would have such a better relationship with distance, with separate house holds....

There's so much more tiny bits of info I could throw in. Things she's said, done, trauma, hurt... etc. I'm not perfect....but she's the parent I strive not to be. She was great as a child, growing up she was there...but as an adult building my own way, not at all... not at all...

Any advice, criticism, similar experiences welcome!