Adult daughter doesn't want to live with me
My only child is 30, married and has 2 small children. My husband, her dad, passed almost 4 years ago and to help everyone out, they came to live with me. Since then, we've had major problems with our home, natural disasters, etc. I put myself through bankruptcy after my husband's passing because I felt no other way out. I have about a year and a half left then I will be done with it. Part of me knew they probably didn't want to stay with me the rest of my life but I was hoping. Our house isn't big enough, but its our home and it's a roof. It's a 3 bedroom, 1 bath. She has a son (5) and a daughter (2) and she reminds me all the time that when they are older, they will need their own rooms, which I know.
She's a good kid and a good mother and I tell her that all the time.
Now, the house needs more work. Repainting, new deck, new AC until (completely gone).
Yesterday, my daughter came to me and asked me what I thought about the house. If we sold it, it would pay off my bankruptcy, my truck and we would have equity out of the home. I would need to find somewhere to go.
They have been offered a 3 bedroom, 2 bath house in their budget and don't want me to come with them. She told me she doesn't want to put me in a bad position and will help as much as she can to get everyone settled.
But I don't want them to leave. I don't want to live alone. I would have to move and sell out because of my bankruptcy, but could afford to live alone once it settles. She said if I need somewhere to stay temporarily, I could stay with them, but it is still a 3 bedroom so that means I couldn't stay there permanently. And her goal is to raise her kids there.
She made the comment yesterday that if we stayed together, she will be hopefully be well into her 50s before anything happened to me (I'm 63) and her and her husband have only lived completely alone for 2 years out of their 8 year relationship. I told her living alone isn't all it's cracked up to be. And I have never cared too much for her husband, but I tell her I love him anyways.
She just hit me with this and I have no idea what to do, what to think, what to say.... I don't want this. Nothing ever goes right in my life.
@convivialWatermelon3441 IDK if you work or not. You could allow her to resettle to a new home of her own, maintain your home as-is, or possibly try to take in a tenant or roommate. Once your 7 years are up, you could try to sell your home and use the equity as part of your retirement. While the tenant or roommate is there, you could use that money as a means to do home repair projects. That should pay you back when you sell.
I don't know anyone that needs a place to stay and wouldn't feel comfortable with someone I didn't know. I only have a year left of bankruptcy so selling now would pay it off and give me some equity out of my house.
Am I wrong for being upset? And not wanting them leave?
@convivialWatermelon3441 I understand the shock. you love your daughter, grandkids....semms like her husband was just a package deal LOL. I can say that your justified in feeling this way. you don't want to be alone with the passing of your husband, and the future seems so unclear with your bankruptcy. but. all that aside. can you blame your daughter for wanting a life of her own? I mean she has a life. but being in the nest for so long isn't what some people need. she craves space and a home of her own. with her husband and kids. her family. not saying that your not her family, but I think you get what I mean. its not a huge socially accepted norm to be older with a family and living with your mother. its not you. I think you can however understand the need to be away from your parents living your own life though. you cant blame her for wanting that. see if you can find time for friends when she moves away. maybe get yourself a furry friend. a dog would be my first suggestion. they are great company and there are many breeds out there that could potentially fit your lifestyle, energy, and time availability for it. if you are very sure you just cant do one maybe try a feline or maybe another furry friend. they help tons. I hope everything works out for you!!
@convivialWatermelon3441 sending you love and comfront