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dynamicNest7316
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PathStep 7 Compassion hearts13 Forum posts8 Forum upvotes19 Current upvotes19 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2018 Member sinceOctober 9, 2015
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Was this Sexual Assault? ***Trigger warning***
Trauma Support / by dynamicNest7316
Last post
 March 26th, 2016
...See more So I had a bit of a flashback a coupled ays ago to something that happened when I was younger and I'm having some trouble processing it. When I was in grade 3 or 4 I made friends with this boy who was a bit older than me (grade 5 maybe). One weekend he invited me over to his house and I agreed. My mom drove me over and we were in his basement playing video games. Suddenly he looked at me and said: "do you want to play house?" Since I have lots of younger siblings I wasn't unfamiliar with the concept of this game. I said yes and he said, "Okay, I'll be the husband and you'll be the wife." he leads me into this other room in his basement, almost like a cold cellar. He took my hand and said in order for us to play we had to be married, so he grabbed my cheeks and began kissing me on the mouth. I remember trying to turn away but he wouldn't let go so, I just let him kiss me. After he said: "now that we're married, we need to have a baby." I was fully expecting him to get a baby doll similar to one I had at home but instead, he pulled down my pants and stuck his hand into my underwear touching me all over and the he grabbed my hand and stuck it down his pants making me feel him. At this point, I remember being confused between it feeling good and being absolutely terrified. looking back I guess this was a natural response to being touched like that. Next thing I know he pushed me onto the ground took off his pants and he put himself inside me. I remember struggling but eventually giving up. I can't remember how long he was inside me for, but when he was done he said I was now pregnant and I could only talk to him now when we were at school. At this point, I went upstairs pretending I had to go to the bathroom or something. I found his mom and asked her to call my mom to come get me because I had a stomach ache. I never told my mom what happened that day I guess because I didn't think it was a bit deal. I'm not sure if this would be considered assault because we were both so young. Or if this was just normal child exploration. I'm really struggling with how to process all this and I'm trying to remember how I felt at each moment... please help.. (edited terminology by fluffyunicorns84)
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crying myself to sleep
Depression Support / by dynamicNest7316
Last post
 January 22nd, 2016
...See more I'm sure I'm not the only one that has experienced this but I figured I'd share anyway. I was diagnosed with clinical depression in 2014. since then I've had many ups and downs and tried medication, therapy, no medication, no therapy. I feel like I'm constantly up and down. Right now, my life is pretty good. I have great friends, I'm in my second semester of nursing school, my dad's girlfriend and I are on good terms (sort of) , I'm even talking to a new guy who's amazing. There's nothing dramatic or traumatic going on right now for the first time in a very long time. There's no present reason for me to feel depressed or anxious. Last night I started to feel really anxious. Not sure why but it just hit me like a brick. I was shaky and cold so I laid down for a bit before dinner. My little sister and I made cookies and I literally had to force my smile when she was talking to me about her day. It felt so fake and it just made me feel worse. Last night before bed I just felt so empty and hopeless. I started crying and once I started I couldn't stop. I tried self-talk, music, less blankets, a different position, cuddles with my cat. Nothing worked. I ended up crying until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. the last time I cried myself to sleep like this my mom was still around and she was very very abusive towards me in more ways than one. I hadn't noticed any triggers all day or anything suspicious. I'm not sure what to think and I haven't been able to shake the feeling all day today that I'm falling apart again.
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Abusive "stepmom"
Trauma Support / by dynamicNest7316
Last post
 January 19th, 2016
...See more Hi, this is my first post on here so sorry it it comes out as confusing, My biological mom was very abusive. She left due to a court order when i was 15. I
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