crying myself to sleep
I'm sure I'm not the only one that has experienced this but I figured I'd share anyway.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression in 2014. since then I've had many ups and downs and tried medication, therapy, no medication, no therapy. I feel like I'm constantly up and down.
Right now, my life is pretty good. I have great friends, I'm in my second semester of nursing school, my dad's girlfriend and I are on good terms (sort of) , I'm even talking to a new guy who's amazing. There's nothing dramatic or traumatic going on right now for the first time in a very long time. There's no present reason for me to feel depressed or anxious.
Last night I started to feel really anxious. Not sure why but it just hit me like a brick. I was shaky and cold so I laid down for a bit before dinner. My little sister and I made cookies and I literally had to force my smile when she was talking to me about her day. It felt so fake and it just made me feel worse. Last night before bed I just felt so empty and hopeless. I started crying and once I started I couldn't stop. I tried self-talk, music, less blankets, a different position, cuddles with my cat. Nothing worked. I ended up crying until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. the last time I cried myself to sleep like this my mom was still around and she was very very abusive towards me in more ways than one. I hadn't noticed any triggers all day or anything suspicious. I'm not sure what to think and I haven't been able to shake the feeling all day today that I'm falling apart again.
Love to you. I get those random moments of anxiety too that send me down a slow downward spiral. Don't be afraid of feeling the feelings. Maybe there is something you're still healing from that's trying to get your attention. Your life can still be good, even with this lingering anxiety and sadness. It seems you're learning to manage it better. You did your best to self-soothe and I think that's something to be proud of. You're taking all the steps you can think of to feel better. Don't feel defeated because it didn't seem to work this time. No emotion can last 24/7. xoxoxox
Sorry to hear that. I get that way sometimes and either try to sleep it off, eat a lot of food/desserts to literally fill myself with something or talk to a friend and end up kind of emotionally self-combusting to them and crying about everything for an hour or so. Hope you feel better :(
You have no idea how much I understand you. I am in a very similar situation to you, and was fine until about a week ago, when suddenly I was unable to deal with life and cried for about 4 hours solid.
I think sometimes we get so good at being 'normal' when life is good that we forget how exhausting it can be. For me personally, being depressed takes so much less energy than being happy, but sometimes I don't notice quite how much energy I am expending until I stop for some 'me time', which I usually then spend crying (and beating myself up for wasting it...)... I find it can be very easy to neglect looking after myself when life is going well, but I think it's just as important to keep up with self care and time for ourselves when we're happy. Now, you can call me a hypocrite, as I don't do this nearly enough, but I try!
You sound like you did all of the right things when you were upset - hugs from me :)
I find myself in some what same position. I told myself told I wasn't going to let the one controlling my life take over my feelings. I went to bed in a some what ok mood but woke up to nightmares of the past. Everything he has ever done to me was right back at my mind again. So here I find myself crying myself to sleep in hopes the tears would release the many years of abuse I dealt with. He will never change. Three days he was talking about God for him to turn around and be the same bitter man he is. I know he suffers his own demons with being a child and the many years of abuse he lived with but I can't help him. He has made me live the years he suffered his pain with the years of abuse he has given me. I can't anymore. I can't continue this pain he thinks I should live with. Like he said " he wanted me to suffer the pain he did". I often ask why if all I ever did was give him my heart. In return he has given me 12 yrs of hell with this last one being the worst with his actions. He has no shame for what he doing and every night he heard me in tears it's every night he wins. I hate these flashbacks in my dreams. I hate relieving the hurt and pain he has caused me. He won't leave me alone . His constant replies are I have no where to go. Why is this my fault ? To me it's more of I don't have another victim to lie to. I'm the only stupid one who fell for the lies. So here I sit in tears again . Tears of anger cause he won't get out of my life. Tears of disappointment , tears of disgust of what he doing , tears if frustration and tears of the many years of abuse I have endured by this so called man who claims to love me. If this is love then I don't want anything to do with it . Cause all it's done is destroyed my inner self. I am no longer and will no longer be the same lady. He robbed me from all my joy.
@Lostlovetx72
Is there anyone in your life you can talk to about this? I'm worried about you. <3
It isn't your fault - it's not fair that you should cry because of something someone else has done.
Big hugs from me. I'm really sorry, I don't know what else to say. Stay strong <3
