Was this Sexual Assault? ***Trigger warning***
So I had a bit of a flashback a coupled ays ago to something that happened when I was younger and I'm having some trouble processing it.
When I was in grade 3 or 4 I made friends with this boy who was a bit older than me (grade 5 maybe). One weekend he invited me over to his house and I agreed. My mom drove me over and we were in his basement playing video games. Suddenly he looked at me and said: "do you want to play house?"
Since I have lots of younger siblings I wasn't unfamiliar with the concept of this game. I said yes and he said,
"Okay, I'll be the husband and you'll be the wife." he leads me into this other room in his basement, almost like a cold cellar.
He took my hand and said in order for us to play we had to be married, so he grabbed my cheeks and began kissing me on the mouth. I remember trying to turn away but he wouldn't let go so, I just let him kiss me.
After he said: "now that we're married, we need to have a baby."
I was fully expecting him to get a baby doll similar to one I had at home but instead, he pulled down my pants and stuck his hand into my underwear touching me all over and the he grabbed my hand and stuck it down his pants making me feel him. At this point, I remember being confused between it feeling good and being absolutely terrified. looking back I guess this was a natural response to being touched like that.
Next thing I know he pushed me onto the ground took off his pants and he put himself inside me. I remember struggling but eventually giving up. I can't remember how long he was inside me for, but when he was done he said I was now pregnant and I could only talk to him now when we were at school. At this point, I went upstairs pretending I had to go to the bathroom or something. I found his mom and asked her to call my mom to come get me because I had a stomach ache.
I never told my mom what happened that day I guess because I didn't think it was a bit deal.
I'm not sure if this would be considered assault because we were both so young. Or if this was just normal child exploration. I'm really struggling with how to process all this and I'm trying to remember how I felt at each moment...
please help..
(edited terminology by fluffyunicorns84)
@dynamicNest7316
I'm sorry to hear this. It can be a little confusing and hard to process when you get a sudden flashback - I have been in your position.
I hope you're okay.
(edited by forum moderator fluffyunicorns84 for giving direct advice - if you wish talk through this you can PM me)
That is absolutely rape; no doubt about that. But, I do not believe it would be considered a criminal offense, because of the age factor, as you mentioned. HOWEVER, just because it wasn't a legally punishable offense, that does not mean you won't have to deal with the emotional ramifications of remembering and working through your experience.
Would professional help be appropriate here? I would say, most likely yes. Or possible involvement in a support group could be helpful. For further info, I'd highly recommend contacting RAINN-- the Rape Abuse and Incest National Network (US). They have a super website at www.rainn.org. They also have an abuse helpline available if it would feel better for you to talk to someone.
I wish you the best of luck, honey!
I am so sorry you had to experience this , and I cannot Imagine how it must of felt for you to have to re-live it all in flashback. As listeners we are not in position to say if this is assault or not. As mentioned above it maybe most appropriate for you discuss this through with professional at RAINN or elsewhere. However please do not feel like I am rejecting you, and you are more than welcome to reach out and speak listener 1-1 to discuss emotional impact this has had on you and for us to listen anything you wish to share.
*Offers hugs, please take care of yourself...
