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gentleWatermelon8652
1 4,094 M Seeking Light 4
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts104 Forum posts45 Forum upvotes56 Current upvotes56 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2026 Member sinceApril 2, 2026
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Is my future over?
Depression Support / by gentleWatermelon8652
Last post
 Wednesday
...See more Please read till the end. I’m a student who used to genuinely believe I could do something meaningful with my life. I scored around 90% in Class 10 and actually enjoyed studying, even in a difficult home environment. When I had to choose my subjects, I chose science because I was fascinated by physics, mathematics, space and science, and I thought it would keep many career options open. I was still young and didn't really understand how much that decision would affect my future. Class 11 went badly, but I stubbornly continued. I eventually found a good coaching environment, made a couple of close friends, and started enjoying learning again. I also loved science exhibitions, public speaking, astronomy and exploring things outside textbooks. Then my final year of school became extremely difficult. My family went through a serious crisis and financial problems, and I struggled to cope while preparing for my exams. My board results were much lower than I expected, and after rechecking and an improvement attempt, I ended up at 72.8%, with Maths improving only from 50 to 54. I also lost both my grandparents during this period. My entrance exams didn't go well, and several college opportunities I had hoped for disappeared. My mental health became very bad and I became extremely isolated. Now everyone around me seems to be moving forward while I'm sitting here trying to decide what to do. I have some decent college options, but I'm terrified of leaving home because I struggle badly with homesickness. At the same time, part of me wants to take a drop and give myself one serious chance, while another part is terrified I'll repeat everything and disappoint my parents again. I had dreams of studying abroad and doing something bigger with my life. Now I'm wondering whether I should simply go to college, work hard, build my skills and try again later—or whether I should give myself another chance now. I know I made mistakes. I'm not asking anyone to tell me otherwise. But did I really ruin my future? Am I actually an idiot? Can someone mess up one important period of their life, lose their confidence and direction, and still rebuild themselves and become someone they're proud of?
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Did I ruin my future? Will I never be able to do anything in life?
Work & Career / by gentleWatermelon8652
Last post
 Thursday
...See more I’m a student who used to genuinely believe I could do something meaningful with my life. I scored around 90% in Class 10 and actually enjoyed studying, even in a difficult home environment. When I had to choose my subjects, I chose science because I was fascinated by physics, mathematics, space and science, and I thought it would keep many career options open. I was still young and didn't really understand how much that decision would affect my future. Class 11 went badly, but I stubbornly continued. I eventually found a good coaching environment, made a couple of close friends, and started enjoying learning again. I also loved science exhibitions, public speaking, astronomy and exploring things outside textbooks. Then my final year of school became extremely difficult. My family went through a serious crisis and financial problems, and I struggled to cope while preparing for my exams. My board results were much lower than I expected, and after rechecking and an improvement attempt, I ended up at 72.8%, with Maths improving only from 50 to 54. I also lost both my grandparents during this period. My entrance exams didn't go well, and several college opportunities I had hoped for disappeared. My mental health became very bad and I became extremely isolated. Now everyone around me seems to be moving forward while I'm sitting here trying to decide what to do. I have some decent college options, but I'm terrified of leaving home because I struggle badly with homesickness. At the same time, part of me wants to take a drop and give myself one serious chance, while another part is terrified I'll repeat everything and disappoint my parents again. I had dreams of studying abroad and doing something bigger with my life. Now I'm wondering whether I should simply go to college, work hard, build my skills and try again later—or whether I should give myself another chance now. I know I made mistakes. I'm not asking anyone to tell me otherwise. But did I really ruin my future? Am I actually an idiot? Can someone mess up one important period of their life, lose their confidence and direction, and still rebuild themselves and become someone they're proud of? What do i deserve in life how can I move forward?
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Did I actually ruin my future, or am I just going through a really bad chapter?
Depression Support / by gentleWatermelon8652
Last post
 Thursday
...See more I’m a student who used to genuinely believe I could do something meaningful with my life. I scored around 90% in Class 10 and actually enjoyed studying, even in a difficult home environment. When I had to choose my subjects, I chose science because I was fascinated by physics, mathematics, space and science, and I thought it would keep many career options open. I was still young and didn't really understand how much that decision would affect my future. Class 11 went badly, but I stubbornly continued. I eventually found a good coaching environment, made a couple of close friends, and started enjoying learning again. I also loved science exhibitions, public speaking, astronomy and exploring things outside textbooks. Then my final year of school became extremely difficult. My family went through a serious crisis and financial problems, and I struggled to cope while preparing for my exams. My board results were much lower than I expected, and after rechecking and an improvement attempt, I ended up at 72.8%, with Maths improving only from 50 to 54. I also lost both my grandparents during this period. My entrance exams didn't go well, and several college opportunities I had hoped for disappeared. My mental health became very bad and I became extremely isolated. Now everyone around me seems to be moving forward while I'm sitting here trying to decide what to do. I have some decent college options, but I'm terrified of leaving home because I struggle badly with homesickness. At the same time, part of me wants to take a drop and give myself one serious chance, while another part is terrified I'll repeat everything and disappoint my parents again. I had dreams of studying abroad and doing something bigger with my life. Now I'm wondering whether I should simply go to college, work hard, build my skills and try again later—or whether I should give myself another chance now. I know I made mistakes. I'm not asking anyone to tell me otherwise. But did I really ruin my future? Am I actually an idiot? Can someone mess up one important period of their life, lose their confidence and direction, and still rebuild themselves and become someone they're proud of?
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Will I be ok?
Depression Support / by gentleWatermelon8652
Last post
 August 9th
...See more Hi, I am 18 years old. I have been suffering for many months from depression and anxiety... I have been panicking and in pain... a lot, but I don't have the strength to do anything. I tried to get up... but it's not easy... I got my high school results. They were pathetic. Then my entrance exam results were even more pathetic. When I prepared for my improvement exams... My maternal grandfather died. I couldn't do anything... I saw him 4 hours before his death, but I had to go to give a paper... and he died when I was on the way... I somehow got out of that... but then I couldn't get into any college, and I was depressed. But my paternal grandfather was very worried and... he stayed with me, always worrying about me more than I did... but the very next month he died in front of my eyes (of a heart attack). Today... it's not even been one month since he has gone... and two months since my maternal grandfather died. A few days ago I gave one more paper in the hope of improving my score, but I did even worse. Today, after months of rejections from colleges... I finally got into a decent college, but the course is not what I wanted, nor what I had hoped for. At first, I didn't know what course to choose and had filled applications for different colleges, but I wasn't able to report within the given time because of the deaths... And now only one course is left... the college is a private one... and in two hours...I will reach the college..it was 700 kilometres journey ,my father mother invested so much....what do I do? It's not the course I intended to choose from the list of courses I had made. I am lost in pain... and feeling like a failure... and unsure if I should choose this, let it go, and try again... or maybe try again next year. I am..so broken right now...maybe if I am gone Everything will be ok.
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Do i deserve good things?
Student Support / by gentleWatermelon8652
Last post
 August 3rd
...See more Hi I am 18 years old. I have been suffering for many months from depression and anxiety... I have been panicking and in pain...a lot but I don't have the strength to do anything , I tried to get up...but it's not easy... I got my highschool results they were pathetic Then my entrance results were more pathetic When I prepared for improvement exams... My maternal grandfather died ,i couldn't do anything...i saw him 4 hours before his death but I had to go to give a paper. ...and he died when I was on the way.... I somehow got out of that ...but then i couldn't get any college and I was depressed but my paternal grandfather was very worried and...he stayed with me , always worrying about me more than I did...but the very next month he died infront of my eyes (of a heart attack). Today.. it's not even been 1 month since he has gone ...and 2 months since my maternal grandfather...died. few days ago i had given one more paper in hope to strengthen my score but I did it more badly Today after months...of rejections from colleges I finally got a decent college but the course is not what I wanted nor...what maybe I desired... At first i didn't know what to take as a course and..had filled different colleges but I wasn't able to report at the time given because of the deaths... And...now only one course was left but ...the college is a private..one ..and... tomorrow is the last chance ...to fill...and..day after tomorrow to report at the college It's not the course i intended in the list of courses I made .. I am lost in pain...and.. feeling like a failure and...unsure if I should choose this or let it go...and...try again or maybe try again next year
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What do I do now
Depression Support / by gentleWatermelon8652
Last post
 July 21st
...See more Hey I know most people will ignore it but these days I have been thinking something.... what am I actually? Do you ever have questions and think what life? god ... actually wants from us. this june and july within a month I lost my maternal and paternal grandfather... It was rough i saw them go infront of my eyes especially my paternal grandfather, he was so worried about my college admissions... but he died without ever knowing what would happen the past years were rough for me. i didn't what I was doing which resulted in bad marks , depression and panic attacks...and some financial situation of my family.... and...then messing of my college entrances... and...I am truly just lost. What did I do to deserve this? or no... what am I supposed to do now I have an exam in 5 days
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What do I do
Depression Support / by gentleWatermelon8652
Last post
 July 28th
...See more Hey I know most people will ignore it but these days I have been thinking something.... what am I actually? Do you ever have questions and think what life? god ... actually wants from us. this june and july within a month I lost my maternal and paternal grandfather... It was rough i saw them go infront of my eyes especially my paternal grandfather, he was so worried about my college admissions... but he died without ever knowing what would happen the past years were rough for me. i didn't what I was doing which resulted in bad marks , depression and panic attacks...and some financial situation of my family.... and...then messing of my college entrances... and...I am truly just lost. What did I do to deserve this? or no... what am I supposed to do now My exam is in 5 days
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