helloGlobe608 Member Profile

Saddened

35 & Over Community / by helloGlobe608

May 22nd, 2024

...See more Today wasn't a good day as usual. I was cleaning and had moved everything out of a room and just had finished cleaning the floor, when 5 minutes later my foster mom's son and daughter in law called and said that they were on the way to see her. She got extremely upset and angry at me for cleaning. She yelled at me and verbally abused me. She said I should have known better than to clean today because I should know that it's a holiday and that every holiday her family comes to visit. (They don't) and that it's too early to be cleaning and running a loud floor cleaning machine (it was 12 noon). She then told me that I didn't know how to clean the floor because I wasn't doing it the way that she cleaned. That she didn't move things around or used a machine. That I was putting too much water and solution on the floor. .etc... she was complaining a lot. Then she insulted me and said that I am never to clean again, and the next time that things need cleaning, shes going to hire a professional.(as if they wouldn't be making loud noise) I asked her before they came to ask them if they could come later or something because the floor is wet. She told me no, that she wasn't going to do that, and that I never should have started cleaning in the first place. That she'll get down on her hands and knees and somehow scrub and dry the floor if she has to. That she's not going to turn her children away. Then she stood on the steps watching and started to come down. I asked her not to because the floor was wet. She told me that she'll go wherever she wants to in her own house and that she doesn't need my permission. I told her it's like she doesn't want me to do anything any day, because she's banking on only a possibility of company coming. She told me that she doesn't and doesn't care what I say...Then as she proceeded to go upstairs, she told me that I better let her know when her company rings the door bell. They rang like 5 minutes later. I opened the door and unfortunately I burst into tears and told them what happened. They confronted her and apologized to me and tried to downplay the situation by telling me that she didn't mean it and was sorry. She meant it and wasn't sorry. She's been verbally abusive and insulting to me ever since I came to her almost 30 years ago. Her family has too. None of them even know anything about me and has never paid interest in me. I'm just a cleaning lady and a caregiver to them all. Just a free worker. They've even told me this multiple times. About how it's good I take care of their mom and clean. Over the years, all of them have threatened to remove me from their home if I basically didn't do what they said. They all have bullied and pressured me. I feel super embarrassed, ashamed, and sad to have cried and vented to them..because they have never truly cared about me..plus I guess me getting older and possibly experiencing perimenopause which has made me cry and lose control of my emotions and emotional control quite frequently..and my traumatizing life and life experiences..I don't cry in front of people if I can help it. I usually hold it in and cry every night in the dark. I feel more terrible and ashamed that I cried than what happened. ..to top it off they brought a neighbor with them that witnessed all of this. The daughter in law in the mist of me loosing it, started fishing for compliments, saying that she's fat and needs to lose weight.. she does this often . They then made excuses for my foster mom saying that her age made her behave like this...even the neighbor agreed with this.. Age has nothing to do with treating someone terribly..illness and other things may...not age. Not a lot of people excuse a person who may be younger acting terribly to people. I've never heard "oh they're younger that's why they treat you poorly." A very large portion of people don't even excuse people who are younger who treat others badly even if they had illness or traumatic experiences that causes them to lash out. A lot of people berate people who are younger and say that what they're going through is no excuse for them to act in such a manner..and that they should get therapy. I feel soo embarrassed and ashamed. I hope that I'll never cry in front of anyone ever again. Now foster mom on the phone with friend sharing what happened. I am saddened and hurt by this. I wish it never happened and wish things would remain private. I wish I had better emotional control like I had previously before perimenopause. I hate it.

It hurts deeply

35 & Over Community / by helloGlobe608

April 22nd, 2024

...See more I've been with my foster mom for 30 years and i have always suffered verbal abuse and insults from her and sometimes her family. In previous posts I've described some of my life in previous posts and basically ive suffered all kinds of abuse my entire life... Even though my foster mom is now 91 with dementia..she is still verbally abusing me from time to time. Today a neighbor who also has dementia offered us some extra groceries she purchased mistakeningly because shes not thinking clearly. . i told my foster mom to tell her we couldn't use them because our refrigerator is packed due to her family purchasing groceries for her. That we were very appreciative of the fact that she thought of us. She called her and told her this, but since the lady was adamant about not having anyone to take them, my foster mother made it her personal issue and responsibility to call around stressing herself out to see if anyone could take them. When my foster mom gets stressed she winds up more confused and eventually in the hospital. I told my foster mom that i know that she wants to help, but this isnt her problem to worry about nor solve. My foster mother has always thought that it is her personal responsibility to find solutions for this neighbors problems. This neighbor has a victim mentality and rarely fixes or does things to improve her life. Relying on others to solve her problems for her. This has been going on ever since ive moved here. This lady is actually nasty, blames others for her problems, has an entitled mindset (thinks that everyone should be available for her 24/7 at her becon call, when they tell her theyre unavailable she insults and talks about them unkindly) . She is also unappreciative of the things that others do to help her or for her..Their kind gestures are never enough. She also is a burden on her family and calls often to complain to my mother about what theyre not doing for her (havent done her laundry, havent taken her places, haven’t cleaned her home, etc...) This lady refuses or pushes away all hired help. Shes had workers from the state helping her with daily tasks and life, but they were driven away by her constantly complaining, being unappreciative, and blaming them for things they didnt do. This neighbor is having a difficult time living alone, and doing a lot of tasks herself. She calls my foster mom often to complain about her unfortunate circumstances. My foster mother is always worried about this neighbor and tries to take on the responsibility of trying to figure out this lady problems herself..when shes sickly herself. My foster mom is always calling around places to get this lady help, despite me telling her that this neighbor has declined all help and doesn't want these things. I have explained to my foster mother that this lady needs to do things to improve her life . That this lady needs to realize the grim reality of her situation and make adjustments.. such as either accepting state help and being accomodating..or researching local income based retirement homes or communities to move into. That her house is no longer in accommodation for her needs. This lady often guilt trips my foster mother, and she starts feeling really badly and more depressed. I use to tell my foster mom, to be wary of this lady and to perhaps put distance between the two...as this lady doesn’t care much about her. This neighbor lady years ago multiple times have tried to get me to abandon mt foster mother and come take care of her. She has even crudely asked me this in front of her face multiple times. I told my foster mom that anyone who tries to "steal" away the person who they know is helping you with daily life, knowing that you'd be left scrambling trying to get someone else...is not your friend and does not care about you. I told my foster mom that theres plenty of other help available if she wanted help. That all she had to do is make phone calls and accept it. This lady has been living in her home for 50 years without railing to her basement steps, and for many years my mother has been trying to get her a railing, including burdening her family (who offered to pay for one to be installed) which the neighbor refused plenty of times. I told my foster mother that she should respect this lady decisions that she makes for her own life. My foster mother does not see things this way, and still often tries to interfere and intrude. This neighbor has fallen multiple times in her home, has fallen in the bathtub and couldn't get out for a few hours, has become sickly sometimes to the point where she didnt have the strength to ring for help, but she still refuses to move. Last year, this neighbor changed her telephone number that she had for 40 plus years and didn't offer her new number to my mom untill my mother took it upon herself to ring her family involving them , and they called her grandson who gave the number. The lady claimed she had forgotten to give my foster mother her number, or tell her about the number change even though everyone in her family and some others had her number. It had been a month before my foster mother obtained it. My foster mother believed her story, despite me telling her that she simply didn't want her to have it. So today after i told my mother basically it isnt her problem and that its this neighbors job to find a solution to the food problem herself...my foster mom told me shes glad that she isnt like me because im absolutely heartless. That i dont have a heart and wasn't raised properly....etc.... All my life i have put the needs of others ahead of my own. I always come last...For my foster mother to say these things and worse everytime that i disagree with her is still very hurtful..and still cuts deeply. Also, am i wrong for not wanting to hear about this lady's problems constantly? That it makes me sad that she is living like this..i care for her deeply but i am dealing with alot and a lot of depression in my personal life already.. added depression isnt good for me..when daily im struggling.. After this lady calls and complains my foster mother often spends a good amount of time discussing her problems with me multiple times. When she senses my disinterest or lack of response....she gets angry and tells me that i am heartless, and going to "***" when i pass...because i dont care about anything. That im selfish and only care about myself. That she can understand why i haven’t any friends or relationships because they would terminate me. Is it wrong to just want silence and to not have to listen to others complaints?? I care too much about others..even strangers and their saddness effects me deeply, especially knowing that i am powerless to help.

Today was a very bad triggering day

35 & Over Community / by helloGlobe608

April 4th, 2024

...See more Today was a very bad triggering day. In one or more previous post(s) I decided to share some of my existence story... Anyways today was bad and triggering because some of my foster mom's family came over to visit her (I always do my best to stay upstairs). I'm introverted, have not a people person and people with active involved families are extremely triggering for me. So they came and stayed for about 45 minutes. All I heard downstairs was the joy and love amongst themselves and that they had for one another. Then I heard the young grandchildren so full of life, optimism, laughter and hope. It was extremely triggering because I grew up being abused, isolated, rejected, abandoned, in all kinds of ways without anyone wanting nor caring about me truly. I grew in the system being shuffled around from place to place...enduring too much. I was a child without hopes, dreams, optimism, without laughter. I grew up with serious traumas, and self esteem issues. I grew up afraid, fearful, quiet, reserved, etc..I grew up always in survival mode..always wondering when my next meal was...wondering who was going to assault me next...wondering why I wasn't good enough to be loved, cherished, and protected. My foster mom's 8 year old grandchild was very vocal and talkative going over the subjects in school she was studying, her love of school, her friends, her love for her family, the different languages studied, different meals she enjoyed, the places and happy experiences she's had, etc... It triggered my ptsd, and other anxieties..it made me really sad. At 5 I was suffering sexual abuse from an adult (teachers aid) inside of the school bathroom, rejected and made fun of by alot of children, rejected by teachers and staff for being sensitive (I cried silent tears often) being berated by them, and not being liked by the other children... home life was terrible. Age 6 had my first suicide attempt....7..was kidnapped...8 went into foster system.. Their whole lovely dynamics of family is always too much to bare. I'll never have that. I'll never be protected. I'll never be secure. I'll never be safe. I'll never be comfortable. I'll never be anything but traumas.

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35 & Over Community / by helloGlobe608

March 10th, 2024

...See more Am I the problem and cause of every relationship partner that I've ever had blindsided and ghosted me?? I've been in 5 relationships, and each have ended with me being heartbroken, confused, ghosted, and finding out there were an(other) woma(en). First relationship lasted a year, even though was speaking prior for a year. He was my first everything. We communicated daily, saw one another frequently. He promised me he wanted to marry me and remain with me. ..that he loved me.. We had spoken the day prior to him ghosting me and everything was fine. He just ghosted me and disappeared. He was seeing another woman (eventually married). We didn't communicate for 3 years after ghosting me. Prior to marriage .He sent me a letter via postal and email saying how sorry he was for ghosting me, that he wanted to remain friends and work towards being together again....etc..even called my mom asking her advice.. we remained in contact for about 3 months off and on..out the blue he told me he wasn't in love with me, that he never loved me, that he had pretended to like me because he felt sorry for me. That I was too tall, old looking, and ugly. Another relationship lasted 5 years. .Basically the same pipe dreams and empty promises.. On the day prior to ghosting, we had agreed to going to therapy and working on our relationship...because we wanted to be married. I called him the next day to see what time he was coming over...and didn't get an answer..I called multiple times... Eventually a woman answered the phone, telling me that he never wanted me, that he's been with her for awhile now, that I should have been lucky he pretended to love me because I was ugly and had nothing going for myself.. I heard his voice and him laughing in the background. Months later he apologizes and told me he really wanted to be with me. That the woman was just his cousin playing games, and that he told her he was depressed and didn't want to talk to me..he claimed he had no idea she had done that. I never believed him, and told him it was over. That I never wanted to hear from him again. Later that day, he posted pics of himself and another woman online...and he was showing off his proposal and engagement to her. That he was very excited to marry her. That she's the love of his life. They married soon after. Anytime that he was caught cheating and talking to women on social media, he's been telling her that it wasn't him, that it was his ex(me) hacking his account, trying to break them up because she is still in love with him...(I had blocked both of them months ago after seeing the engagement) She then starts hitting up my phone leaving constant profanity filled offensive insulting angry voice-mails on my phone...warning me to stay away from him. One time I answered told her that he was lying. That she shouldn't be so quick to believe a person, especially talking about a person she's never met nor had exchanges with. I told her she never should have known my name..as him and I aren't in each other lives anymore. I never answered again. Another 5 relationship basically the same empty promises and pipe dreams.. Leading to him ghosting me, later admitting thar he never loved me and only felt sorry for me. .that I'm old, ugly, and have nothing going for myself. He turned to be another gossiper and lie spreader. Denies that he ever dated me.. We hadn't spoken for months after that...told his girlfriend (a woman I found out was in the picture all along while we were dating..eventually he married) lies about me. . Told her that I was hacking his account, sending him messages, trying to ruin their relationship, told her that I was just a *** he slept with once who caught feelings and won't leave him alone. .etc... all lies. A little later I recieve a text from an anonymous number containing screenshots of her ranting on social media, threatening my life, telling me to stay away from her man, even had posted my complete address and name(he told her this information) saying how she was going to beat me up...the post generated a lot of comments from her family and friends ready to eagerly join her. It's been going on 10 years since that incident and the last time he and I last spoken. Dated a guy for about a year. Same empty promises and pipe dreams. Before ghosting me, he admitted to never have felt anything for me. That he hadn't meant it when he told me that he loved me. That he was just using me as a rebound and a placeholder, because his ex the mother of his child didn't want him anymore..that he truly wanted to be with her. That was 3 years ago. Now....this guy that I've recently posted about...seems to be headed in the same direction.. Is it me?? Am I really the problem??

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