Sad and extremely depressed
Today like all days was a very extremely depressing and triggering day. I start thinking about my entire life thus far, and the most likely outcome for my future and become anxious and cry a lot..
The weather triggers me. What the weather brings (people starting to come "alive and lively").. People of all ages, especially youth triggers me..since I never had it and I've never done anything in life but experience traumas, abuse of all kinds, isolation, stress, caring for someone, loneliness, etc...life has never been too kind to me. I've been barely surviving. .I've never lived..I just exist. I'm tired. I'm exhausted..and I just want it to be over.
I've never had a chance...and I'm beyond repairable.
@helloGlobe608
When i read this i wish i could just give a hug....
I wish i could reach you and teach you that the chances in life are there to be taken ... that things that change our lives do not come to our door and knock ... instead it is a choice to act or not.
i spent years in similar shoes and when i took chances and tried things I never thought i would i am no longer on the sidelines watching others have a life.... This choice in my opinion is like an addiction WE have to want it ourselves and take control to forgive ourselves for not taking up past chances or what if's and comparing with others....... we are only in competition with ourselves to be better each day / year etc.
