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Grounding skills for paranoia in relationships?

Relationship Stress / by indigoWriter1061

August 3rd, 2025

obsessive compulsive thoughts about cheating/unfaithfulness?

OCD & Related Behaviors / by indigoWriter1061

July 14th, 2025

...See more Hello there. I'm not diagnosed with OCD, and I don't think I have it - but I was hoping to come here for advice because the way my brain is about this exhausting obsession is driving me insane. I need to know how people who struggle with unwanted intrusive anxieties that drive them to repeat certain behaviors cope and manage their brain. I have this really bad habits of mentally prepping for potential signs of cheating/unfaithfulness in my relationship. I tend to rehearse conversations in my head, not just about this topic, but it could be any topic, and imagine what i would say in those scenarios. I have a lot of emotional baggage that I dig through in my head and think up situations in which the Bad Thing happens, or the Hard Conversation happens. But it bleeds into actual paranoia for me that compels me to try to soothe the anxieties through finding a sense of control. I routinely check my boyfriend's social media follows and nose around any girls he interacts with that look like she could be his type, analyze everything about their dynamics so I can look for signs. I don't talk to these girls, the most I've interacted with was one who was friends with his coworker and would give the two of them rides home - I glared at her once because I didn't like the way she was hovering around him and playfully teasing him. I know it's all super weird, I'm not proud of obsessing over this, and it hurts the trust in our relationship both ways. But I keep having these unwanted thoughts of what would happen if he did, what I would do, what my escape plan would be - but also how I can prevent that from happening by making myself as attractive to him as possible. None of it brings into question if he even would do such a thing. He has cheated on the past, but that was long before we knew each other and when he was in highschool. I don't imagine him as the same person he was then, it's clear he's grown up a lot. I want it to stop, to be really freaking honest. I'm exhausted from worrying about something like that and it's been taking a huge toll on me. I don't want to control who he's friends with because that's not fair and I wouldn't want him doing that to me. But I also want to feel safe and secure and trust he wouldn't betray me in such a way. And also just not worry about crap like this unless there is a legitimate reason for me to suspect potential cheating. I don't want to be constantly looking out for it and ignore the rest of him and our relationship, which despite its imperfections - over all is a pretty good relationship. Any advice welcome, but preferably from those who struggle with OCD in relationships/friendships. Thinking about it too, these behaviors repeat themselves in different ways in my friendships too, and in other daily life moments.

Sometimes I feel alone in my relationship.

Relationship Stress / by indigoWriter1061

July 12th, 2025

...See more I don't really know what this vent is supposed to be, I'm just venting and word vomiting here. Sometimes I feel alone in my relationship. I love my boyfriend a lot and we're currently in the process of moving in together into our first apartment. At the start of our relationship he was very very loving and affectionate and attentive and sappy and it made me feel very loved. Over a year and a half later, our dynamic is a bit different. He's not sappy or romantic or affectionate the way he was and doesn't smile at me like he used to. We don't hug as much. He'll lay on me if we happen to have time together to watch something or let me lay on him. But when I try to be sappy he turns it into a joke. He tends to seem reluctant when I want to initiate a hug more times than not. I have expressed how I feel multiple times. I've asked him to be more serious when I'm trying to be affectionate because that's me trying to connect with him. I feel like he gets it but also forgets and it just kind of falls back into the same sense of distance. I've told him that I feel distant from him a few times and he never understands why. I've told him that I need him to be more affectionate because I'm struggling and have been struggling. I can tell that he's been trying and things have gotten better but still sometimes I feel alone, or like I care more about the relationship than he does. Sometimes I feel like I have to push for affection and sentimentalities, but I don't want it if it's forced. I want to be loved without having to ask for it. I don't know if he realizes yet that love is more than just a feeling, it's also a practice.

Advice for intense jealousy and insecurity in relationships?

Personality Disorders Support / by indigoWriter1061

July 11th, 2025

...See more I'm not medically diagnosed or anything other than PTSD and depression but I know I have more going on. My plan is to get evaluated when I have health insurance again and start therapy. But in the meantime... Does anyone have any advice for dealing with intense jealousy, insecurity and low self-esteem in relationships? (Both romantic and friendships) I don't think I have BPD, though I've been told that some of the things I struggle with are common with the disorder. I can become really fixated on a person I get close to and can't get jealous and clingy when they interact with other people. It's something that I struggled with for a pretty long time, going as far back as into childhood. Doesn't affect me as bad as it did in high school but recently in my current relationship it has been very difficult for me because it genuinely affects my mood and puts me in a bad way. I know I have abandonment issues that stem from childhood trauma and other issues too like self-esteem and stuff. I get sad jealousy and feel low when my boyfriend interacts with his male friends. I get insecure jealous and compare myself when he interacts with female friends or just girls in general, or follows them on social media. For the record I am non-binary and grew up afab - So I was socialized to be a girl early on. My boyfriend is cis and we are both pan. We are both in our 20s, I haven't dated much but he has dated mostly women and one other gender non-conforming person. I don't know if any of this context really matters but maybe it affects how my jealousy impacts me I guess. Likewise, I struggle with it in friendships too. I can become easily fixated on one friend and then get jealous and a little clingy when they interact with other people and talk about our interests. It's just exhausting you know? Does anyone have any advice for dealing with this and managing it? I feel like a couple years ago I was able to handle it a little bit better, before I was in a serious relationship and also before I went on birth control (The birth control I'm on also gives me really bad mood swings although it's tapered off these past few months) Thank you.

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