Grounding skills for paranoia in relationships?
Hi all, I need advice.
I have a lot of paranoia about my boyfriend's online activities and who he talks to. I get worried he's talking to and flirting with random girls when I see who he's following and stuff.
I need to preface that I believe it's entirely possible for men and women to be just friends and there be no ulterior motives there. I just get anxious because a lot of the girls I see him following all look a certain type and are really pretty.
We've had plenty of conversations about it in the past and just the subject of cheating in general. Unfortunately I haven't always handled my insecurities very well and have had outbursts. I don't want to be that insecure partner who is always so worried so I just need support. Logically speaking I don't think he would cheat but I can see him flirting still.
So if anyone has advice for just grounding one's self that would be great.
@indigoWriter1061
You have been open and discussed the cheating issues and your anxiety about it that in my opinion is ahead of about 80 percent of others most are not open until something happens. You also show great maturity in knowing he can just be friends with other girls without that being a threat. So many seem to think every female is a threat. NOT so he CHOSE you as his GF.
Flirting does not always mean it will go farther. I have had different work friends that I flirted with in joking manner never once looking back if they were to have wanted to be more would that happen. flirting can make you feel good about yourself and maybe brighten someones day. the ease to work with these co-workers made my day go faster.
Look around at all the professions where flirting is helpful.... waiter/waitress / sales of many kinds helps make a sale or get you to come back again. Following on social media things does not mean the person followed even know who is following them. my partner seemed to like a actress type that was totally different then me i knew he liked a different type but in the end he chose me because it is more then a photo or " social persona" it is about the person inside.
Hi there!
Probably not the best person to talk to you about it but you already taking the first no less crucial step of reaching out for what troubles you - whatever that may be... I suffer from the same case with my wife who due to a quite recent change in her outer appearance from a stomach surgery she lost weight so her confidence and looks got better (at first) and then showed a rising need for confirmation and validation outside marriage. More than a couple of years now she continues flirting with random guys through the internet and I know too that an "intersex" (?) relationship can be healthy depending on both sides' aspirations - even though that is not the case with me... If I might offer something here is that you are good to heed your instincts because sometimes they tend to "catch things mid-air" before we can even shape an opinion about something but don't hold just too firmly on to it... Human brain is "wired" so that its "bearer" doesn't get hurt in any way (yes even mentally!) so it's only natural that you feel so...
If trust is not a cloud in your relationship then you should rejoice! Bottom line is if no one else is hurting you then don't do that to yourself.
Hope you feel better soon and you guys get along with each other and live this relationship to the fullest.
Take care!
