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intuitiveEast6300
1 9,341 M Pacing Forward 1
PathStep 115 Compassion hearts1,180 Forum posts62 Forum upvotes88 Current upvotes88 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2026 Member sinceDecember 13, 2019
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Relational Trauma Requires Relational Healing; Help!
Friendship Support / by intuitiveEast6300
Last post
 August 28th
...See more Hello! For context, I dealt with someone I thought I could trust 3.5 years ago, and it didn't end well. The person's cowardice to not tell me they wanted to be done with me, and instead blabbed personal information about me and ghosted/avoided me and excluded me, really shook me up. Throughout these last 3.5 years, I have been healing. I started grad school 3 years ago, where I met some great people; between my autism and my trauma, I mainly started to feel normal around people I saw 5 days a week for 2 years. My first year was all about transitioning into grad school; I wanted my second year to be about really connecting with people I wanted to get to know, but I ended up having imposter syndrome instead. So much for having the perfect last school year of my life. After a friend helped me get over imposter syndrome, I got diagnosed with autism and graduated with my master's degree. Since then, I have been slowly trying to make a name for myself. My friend who saved my career, let's just call them "K" for the sake of briefness, is someone, among a lot of other people, who I have wanted to get to know when I started grad school. K knows about my autism and the trauma that happened to me before I met them. They were very helpful with career things throughout my time in grad school, so I learned to trust them with career stuff, which is why I asked them for help getting over imposter syndrome; the act of helping me with that is nice, but it also just shows what kind of person they are. I am well aware K didn't have to do that; I had visualized asking them for help with that so many times, and the interaction went so much better than the nightmares I was envisioning (thanks, trauma). Since I graduated, I had sent them some memes I thought they might like, and I've been looking for career opportunities for them, too. K didn't tell me to; I just want to be a good friend and help them like they helped me. After 3.5 years, I am finally thinking about telling them how I've been wanting to get to know them since the timing has never really lined up. I am absolutely terrified; I haven't intentionally wanted to get to know someone in years, and I am honestly not sure how they'd react. I'm seeing them on Friday for something, and I'm hoping to get an opportunity to tell them (I would like to not do this over text). I'm absolutely terrified, but I know I would regret not telling them. Do I have a chance at all? If you were K, what would you say?
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Deepening Friendships
Friendship Support / by intuitiveEast6300
Last post
 August 4th
...See more Hello! I have gone through so many instances of being bullied, rejected, excluded, betrayed, and many more things that left me feeling alone, abandoned, isolated, and neglected. Unfortunately for me, I got degrees in an industry where networking is everything (I know...that doesn't really narrow it down, but still), and double unfortunately for me, I met someone really important to me within 6 months of the most traumatic experience with people I've ever gone through. But since I graduated with my master's degree in May 2025 and slowly been getting my feet wet in my career, I have been growing a lot as a person, too-to the point where I'm ready to start thinking about this. Neither of us are college students anymore, so this will make this harder, but the hope is that any advice I get about this can be applied to every friendship I have. One thing I want is the ride-or-die mentality: someone who can support me through good times and bad and who will let me support them the same way. Someone I can laugh with-possibly have inside jokes with while maintaining something deeper (see other points below). I also want someone to check in on me. Unfortunately with a lot of my existing friendships, especially from college, I'm super scared that I'll get rejected. In my undergrad, I had this friend who I (thought I) was really close to and checked in on them occasionally. Turns out, they didn't want to be checked in at all; they actually ghosted me for an entire summer. So in grad school and beyond, I've kept my distance both in proximity and technologically until I really thought I liked a person's character (no matter how much potential I see). Finally, I want depth in friendships. Back to my friend I met when I started grad school (a whole summer after I dealt with really horrible people): it's great that they've helped me professionally throughout those two years (and even saved my career by helping me get over imposter syndrome), and it's great that I am (sort of) keeping an eye out for good career opportunities for them in my local area. But, with them and others, I want something more than that. I want to know what they like/dislike, things that make them who they are, and encourage them to grow and for all that to be reciprocate back to me. This friend who saved my career has helped me grow so much over the past year without them even knowing-the amount of career things I am in because I stayed in the industry because they helped me get over imposter syndrome is pretty good for someone who graduated from college a little over a year ago. Unfortunately, after my undergraduate trauma, I went from "proceed with caution" to having my walls be up all the time. I went from "innocent until proven guilty" mentality" to "guilty until proven innocent" mentality. Maybe that's good in some ways-considering how fake people are and the number of spam everything that's happening nowadays. I'm keeping my standards high. Unfortunately, dealing with life on my own and people not wanting connections with me has been a lifelong issue; I've just handled it differently over the last few years after seeing someone I thought I could trust betray me and abandon me and let people assume things about me and spread untrue rumors about me.  I would prefer if these friendships were long-distance (the only exception being if I can find something local for my friend who saved my career), and I know it's hard to do this that way, but it's what I got. What do you guys think I can do to improve? (Sorry this was so long. TL; DR: I have a lot of truamas I went through. I care about people, and I suck at showing it bc I cannot go through another heartbreak. How do I improve?)
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I have visions, but I also have trauma, so I feel stuck.
Trauma Support / by intuitiveEast6300
Last post
 June 11th
...See more Four years ago, I made the mistake of opening up to someone because the following year was the worst time of my life. Three years ago, people were ghosting me, avoiding me, excluding me, and spreading untrue rumors about me. Getting into graduate school saved my life. When I started grad school two and a half (almost 3) years ago, I was trying to find my footing my entire first year. I tried getting to know a couple people, and they were bust. I got imposter syndrome a couple of fall seasons ago and tried to get through it (among other things) by myself. But everything I would do to make myself feel better made me feel worse. I asked a friend/classmate of mine for help about a year and a half ago, and their advise saved my career. I'm a musician, and networking is quite important-especially when starting out. I do have limitations like not being able to drive and taking care of the doggo this past year before he passed away a couple weeks ago (100% worth it), but a theme I had throughout my whole life in various circumstances is that I'm not a priority to anyone. I didn't think interacting with other humans would be so hard, but here we are. And I'm learning that people....kinda do things that just benefit themselves? For example, have any of you guys noticed throughout your lives that consent is a little more complex than what's taught? We all know the simple, "Person A asks Person B if they would like to do something; Person B doesn't say 'yes' or 'no,' which does not mean they consent; Person A does not do....whatever it was they were asking that Person B does not want to do." But have you noticed there's a lot of "yes, but..." circumstances? Let's say there's a group of less than 5 people going out or something (on a walk, getting food...whatever the case may be), and someone in that group says, "the more the merrier," so a whole bunch of people, some of whom you know, join, so let's say you're in a group between 8-10 people. You're in the middle of the group that wants to join; not hiding in the back but also not in the faces of the original group, and one of the original group members says to you, individually, "just not you."....when that group said that more people could come. I feel like that feeling happens to me a lot-probably because of my autism. I'm too much, not enough, too good, not good enough, etc. for anyone. Not even people I thought I was close to reached out to me. And, at this moment, I'm not concerned about the gigs or anything like that; it's people haven't reached out. One person even reached out to me a couple times for.....things like signing a get well soon card for someone else or whatever; if that person could do that, they can text me to check in, but no. My mom thinks I've treated this past year as a "vacation" when I'm just trying to figure out how I fit into thr world since no one prioritizes me. I would love to still perform in music, but it's hard to do when you feel like no one wants you.
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What Helps You Get Through Grief
Grief & Loss / by intuitiveEast6300
Last post
 June 10th
...See more How do you process the loss of a family member (pets included) and....try to live life?
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One Step Forward, One Step Back
General Support / by intuitiveEast6300
Last post
 June 10th
...See more I don't know where to start. For those who may not know, I thought I found someone outside of my family who cared about me three years ago. Turns out, they chose really horrible people over me. People who spread untrue rumors about me. People who avoided me and excluded me. My fear of abandonment turned into me expecting abandonment. I became less trusting and more skeptical. My priorities were rearranged, with my comfort, mental health, safety, and family skyrocketting up on the list. Most of the aspects of myself really upgraded. More time with my family, I found music I love, I journalled more, and I started therapy. I even got diagnosed with autism a little over a year ago, disproving one of the rumors that was spread. I have been out of school for a year; I've been home, and I spent as much time as possible with my dog....who passed away last week, and we have no regrets. I am so lucky I got to be there with him when he went. But he was my best friend. So my mental health went from a 4 or 5 (on a scale of 1 to 10) down to a 1. He was my consistent support system. My guarded nature did help me not get too invested in people too early because it did save me some heartache while getting to know people. It also prevented me from getting close to people. I got imposter syndrome almost 2 years ago, and I didn't tell anyone until I was questioning if I chose the right career for myself and if I still want to pursue it. A friend of mine gave me advice that saved my career. I have always wanted to get to know this person, but I learned from 3 years ago how much of a burden I am; how I'm too much and how everyone has their own lives without me, so I didn't want to do that to this person. I get nervous around this friend even though I don't think they'd do anything like that. No one has reached out to me since I completed college; any contact I did have this past year was initiated by me. I reunited with a bunch of people recently; some people I was closer to  were talking to me like nothing happened, and everyone else was more reserved because they don't know me well. I was always the one initiating conversation. I was in the middle of a conversation with the friend who saved my career, and then we never picked it up again; I tried texting the friend, but no response (which isn't like them), and I'm back to nothing with everyone because everyone has their own lives without me. So I'm questioning my career again, but because of people this time. I have learned so much about relationships over the past year via my own research and therapy appointments, but I have lost hope, so I don't know what to do. I have never been a person of rainbows and sunshine, but I just.....don't see the positives in many things anymore. If I could just cuddle with dogs all day, I will. My boundaries and self love became more like stone, but so did my heart. Which sucks because I have a big heart, but it's now inside a rock.
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I Lost my Best Friend Last Week
Depression Support / by intuitiveEast6300
Last post
 June 13th
...See more My dog died last week. I am getting better, but there is a huge hole in my heart.  Does anyone else have any experience with this?
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My Dog Just Passed, and I miss him
Depression Support / by intuitiveEast6300
Last post
 June 3rd
...See more My dog had to be put down yesterday, and I miss him. He is my best friend. We love each other so much. 
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In Need of Help
General Support / by intuitiveEast6300
Last post
 January 23rd, 2023
...See more Hello everybody! I am not sure how to start. I have this one person in my life who I essentially think of as family. We were talking about our schedules, and during the conversation, he mentioned that he feels stuck because he likes spending time with me, but some of his friends feel uncomfortable around me, which doesn't help him (or me, for that matter), so he said he can't spend a ton of time with me. I am glad he was honest with me and am *** that whoever made the comments didn't tell me sooner. It's stuff I need to work on, sure, but how would I know I was making his friends uncomfortable if I don't know what I was doing? (Before you ask: no, idk who in particular said the comments) What do I do? -East
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