jerryflora1993 Member Profile

I don't know where to post this....

Anxiety Support / by jerryflora1993

December 17th, 2025

...See more **WARNING: More of a rant/vent** I honestly don’t know where to post this…. I have a maelstrom of bulls&^t and emotions and situations going on right now. From my ex breaking up with me (after 14 yrs, broke up once and got back together) to my workplace (I soured a relationship that I really liked) to my career (I’m 32 and while people say “You’re young and stuff” I don’t feel that, I feel like I could have done so much more with my life had I not procrastinated on it or made better decisions) to my personal like (I cut off my immediate family due to toxic reason and myself because I have all these anxiety, depression and other things going on) I don’t know how to handle any of this, I’m going to therapy and honestly, while it’s working for a bit right now, the fact that my ex and I are still in contact while he’s with a f$@king walking red flag, it just…I can’t cut him off either because of the extreme anxiety it produces and no matter what I’ve tried, I can’t get rid of the anxiety or my feelings for him. My ex and I are a whole story altogether and it’s just…I FEEL like he, on some level still wants to be with me in a romantic relationship, but at the same time, his fear of our past history and pain holds him back, but then again, this woman isn’t even any better. And despite everything that we’ve done, what happened, I still love him so damn deeply that it hurts. It leaves me in tears, it leaves me in fear of my own future. I still love this man despite what he’s done and stuff. I soured a relationship with a coworker because for the first time, almost, I stood up for myself because I didn’t like how she had spoken to me and…she turned it against me to make it my fault in the end. And since then, she’s given me the professional cold shoulder; talking to me when needed or answering my questions when I call her, etc. Then with my personal life….I have so much going on, I don’t know what to deal with first. I don’t know how to tackle them, how to deal with them, what to do, all sorts. From my sever anxiety, to my depression, to me overthinking, to me just…not having the motivation anymore….just everything. It’s all so much and frankly, I don’t know how to handle them. I had my partner, my ex to help me when things got bad because he would help listen, provide suggestions, help me relieve my stress with activities and dates and stuff. And now that he’s gone, and that we just keep in contact (he KNOWS how I feel and apparently, he’s told this new woman everything and she KNOWS I want him back, but she’s not fighting for him either because I don’t know? Cuz they’re in a secret relationship that no one knows about and that she doesn’t fear anything? I don’t know; they are a WHOLE POST I can make.....really.) and I’m just…I don’t have the motivation to continue. I don’t have the motivation to continue with my current stuff or with…loving with all this. I rather just be with my dad (he’s not…physically here anymore) and I just…very much so don’t want to continue. It’s a maelstrom of emotions and I don’t know how to let it out, other than constantly crying. The therapy looks like it’s going to be a long process, my ex and I are…I don’t even know what we are, but I know that neither of us can cut contact with the other so easily (I know HE can’t, he lasted two weeks), my workplace is now mentally draining and toxic, my own life is s+&t and I’m just…I don’t know where to go, I don’t know what to do, I just don’t know. Thank you for listening (or reading, lol) my rant/vent.

So Angry

Relationship Stress / by jerryflora1993

December 2nd, 2025

...See more I...am not in a situationship or anything like that. I was in a relationship, he broke up with me, asked for my hand again, and then broke up with me for someone else. I found out some things and I'm so F***ING ANGRY about it. This new person is playing "unauthorized" hooky at work and she's dragign him too. His boss friend, who I keep in touch with here and there, tells me that he 100% has grounds to fire without dragign him too. And he's someone who my ex's aunt ask to watch over, so it's more of like an obligation, but the boss friend does value my ex as a friend too. And this makes me ANGRY. Like you're willing to risk your job for her?! Someone who you've only known for like 4 months?! Granted, things happened with me that I stepped out of our previous relationship, BUT I would NEVER risk my job because I know it's the only thing financially supporting me and in my ex's case, his perosnality and attitude makes it HARD for him to find another job. And I'm just....angry and devastated. Just. He's willing to risk so much for someone who has hi in a SECRET relationship, someone who put him into MASSIVE CREDIT CARD DEBT (he claims north of 5k now, but it was originally noth of 12k). Just...how to I handle or deal with this anger? This grief? This sadness/depression? This devasted feeling I have? It's only been like 4.5 months since we broke up, but it feels like...a lifetime, it feels like 2 lifetimes. I'm goig ot talk about it with my therapist tonight, but in the meantime....just...I'm angry and devastated and just...feeling unworthy and s*** like that.....

Guilt-ridden Anxiety

Anxiety Support / by jerryflora1993

September 9th, 2025

...See more Long story short: I cheated on my bf, he broke up with me the first time, but after a month, he decided he wanted to get back together and started courting me. I fell harder in love with him and we got back together for almost a year before he broke up with me again. He citing that he tried and couldn't forgive me, but in reality, he started an emotional relationship with a woman who started working at his place for 2 months. During the month of July, I did things that I wasn't proud of, things that went against my nature, but the anxiety and the anger drove these actions; I saw his new passcode, got onto his phone and took pictures of some conversations he had with a mutual friend; I found her FB and *** page, took screenshots of those and sent them to his mom at her request; spoke to his brother about our situation; spoke to the mutual friend, who told me that my ex doesn't know that we had been speaking and if my ex finds out, he would NOT speak to the mutual friend at all because right now, he's the only person my ex is opening up to; I went into his email because he didn't change the pin on his computer and he's always logged in on his email to look through it and I found out how much debt he was in, told his mom who then told his brother and his brother said that he'll let it slide, but if I do it again, he won't hesitate to tell my ex what I did. I basically cyber-stalked this woman because of what she did to my ex, how she initiated the relationship and how she's continuing it. I am feeling the guilt and anxiety because, like I said, I'm usually not this kind of person to have done all the above, and, to me, IF my ex comes back to me a 3rd time (I told him that I want it to be genuine and that we will have to go to couple counseling to work through out baggage and stuff), I feel like I should come clean about this. One friend is telling me to tell him whenever I want, WHEN I am not feeling this miserable and having these anxiety attacks and stuff; another friend is telling me to tell him this WHEN we start counseling, this way, there would be like an impartial 3rd party there; and another is telling me "let sleeping dogs lie". Should I tell him WHILE he's in this relationship with this woman? (we are going no contact right now to give us both space to work through this stuff) Or should I tell him IF AND WHEN he breaks up with this woman and BEFORE he considers me again? Or should I tell him DURING couples counseling, IF we get back together? The guilt is eating me and some days it's great where I HAVE to talk to someone about it while other days, it's not as bad that I can squish it down and not think too hard on it.

Need to talk to someone after a break up/Venting

Anxiety Support / by jerryflora1993

August 20th, 2025

...See more LOL This is more of a vent-ish kind of things, but I'm ALWAYS up to other people talking and responding to this post. Long story short: I cheated on my bf, he broke up with me the first time, but after a month, he decided he wanted to get back together and started courting me. I fell harder in love with him and we got back together for almost a year before he broke up with me again, citing that he tried and couldn't forgive me. But in reality, he started an emotional relationship with a woman who started working at his place for 2 months. He's was also giving severe mixed signals before, like he wanted both cakes and eat them too. And now that she has voluntarily resigned from that workplace and put him into financial debt (he's got three cards, maxed out on all of them for her bs), he still wants to be with her. She's got a 2 yr old daughter, claims to be in a custody battle and was telling ppl that she got fired, but she really resigned (This is the TLDR, so there's more, but this is what I've been told and what I found out). So really, my anxiety is stemming from a lot of things that this break up produced: - Not feeling worthy because of what I've done. - Does he still want me back after KNOWINGLY being duped like this? - I'm 32 yrs old, I know that's still young, but I don't go out often to meet men, not even through my friend group, so I'm just worried about my future and stuff. - Would another man accept or even want to be with someone like me? (I have A LOT of history) - Amongst other stuff that the break up left over. I honestly just don't want to emotionally overload my other friends since I've vented to them enough and when I do see him or stuff, I'm just emotionally overloading him and his family has stopped talking to me when they originally offered their ears to me. So I'm just.....constantly anxious over my future, whether it's going to still have him or not, my own future, my healing process, just the whole nine yards and stuff. >___<

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