So Angry
I...am not in a situationship or anything like that. I was in a relationship, he broke up with me, asked for my hand again, and then broke up with me for someone else.
I found out some things and I'm so F***ING ANGRY about it. This new person is playing "unauthorized" hooky at work and she's dragign him too. His boss friend, who I keep in touch with here and there, tells me that he 100% has grounds to fire without dragign him too. And he's someone who my ex's aunt ask to watch over, so it's more of like an obligation, but the boss friend does value my ex as a friend too.
And this makes me ANGRY. Like you're willing to risk your job for her?! Someone who you've only known for like 4 months?! Granted, things happened with me that I stepped out of our previous relationship, BUT I would NEVER risk my job because I know it's the only thing financially supporting me and in my ex's case, his perosnality and attitude makes it HARD for him to find another job.
And I'm just....angry and devastated. Just. He's willing to risk so much for someone who has hi in a SECRET relationship, someone who put him into MASSIVE CREDIT CARD DEBT (he claims north of 5k now, but it was originally noth of 12k).
Just...how to I handle or deal with this anger? This grief? This sadness/depression? This devasted feeling I have? It's only been like 4.5 months since we broke up, but it feels like...a lifetime, it feels like 2 lifetimes.
I'm goig ot talk about it with my therapist tonight, but in the meantime....just...I'm angry and devastated and just...feeling unworthy and s*** like that.....
@jerryflora1993
I'm really sorry you are angry!
And struggling with all of this.
Its hard to see someone you once loved in a toxic relationship.
But sadly, he will have to see that for himself.
He won't thank you for telling him.
That's the hard reality of it.
My best friend once spent hours telling me about how bad his gf treated him, I just listened and when I told him he deserved better, he stopped talking to me and to this day, even though I did nothing wrong, it's easier to blame me than the shortcomings in his own relationship.
I hope your therapist can help you process these difficult feelings and you start prioritising yourself 💖
@Amanda84
I wasn't able to bring it up cuz she focused more on my family. I'll see about it.
And I know.
@Amanda84
I honestly feel like i need to talk to someone everyday because I wake up and I feel numb, but give it a moment and EVERYTHING comes rushing in and I'm crying in the middle of work in the wee hours of the morning and I am making a spectacle of myself in front of these patients.
And it's just...heartbreaking that this is what it's come down to when we were good together, we were working through our problems, this, that, whatever. We were talking about them, working through them and I just....it's just all BS.
@jerryflora1993
Here for you 💜
@jerryflora1993
It is indeed heartbreaking. I can see your pain in the shock, and the anger. And it is all valid in the pain of heartache. He's not only rejected you, but rejected you in preference to someone else. And that hurts. Of course it does.
I can see you, listing the reasons why she is no good for him. This is totally understandable. But I wonder, to whom are you justifying your anger towards her? To explain your reasons for disliking her? Someone asked me who I was justifying myself too, and eventually I realised, it was me. Often we are brought up to believe that anger is wrong, but in this situation, anger is totally normal and valid. But if we believe it is wrong, we end up with this huge internal conflict when we naturally experience it. And that internal conflict can cause a lot of stress.
If we can realise that anger itself is not wrong, it's what you do with it that matters, we can start to resolve that conflict and the stress it brings.
You are OK. The feelings you are experiencing are OK. They are welcome here. This is a good space to share them.
@Clio9876
@Clio9876
It's a REALLY late reply, but I'm honestly angry at myself and some at him. I'm angry at myself for what I did to push him away and I'm angry at him for doing this to himself when he knows that this isn't what he would have wanted anyway and that it's all...contradictory to what he's told me that he's wanted in a relationship.
I don't know if I'm tyring to justify my anger towards myself or towards her or towards him. I just know that it felt...unfair; that it felt like I was...demoted without the actual demotion, that he was willing to sacrifice things for someone who doesn't seem serious about him and stuff.
Thank you for telling me my feelings are valid and such. Others have been telling me that they're somehting that I shouldn't feel because I shouldn't concern myself with him anymore.
@jerryflora1993
it is hard when someone we care about is making bad choices, but we cannot fix others just ourselves.
if the worst happens and he loses job or is in massive debt. he will learn the lesson he needs sadly many friends and others make choice we wish they wouldn't, but we cannot be angry over things we simply have no control or influence over.
I can totally tell you’ve been stuck in a vortex of pain lately. People usually think talking about what hurts will make it better, but honestly, it just drags the agony out—’cause it’s like you’re rehashing those painful memories over and over again.
Yeah, you miss the good, happy times with him—totally get it. But even so, you’ve gotta hold onto the ability to find happiness on your own. Look up at the sun, slap on a nice little makeup in front of the mirror. Don’t beat yourself up, don’t punish yourself, and never call yourself useless or not good enough. You’re the most important person in your world. Everyone else? They don’t matter one bit—neither him nor her. Pull your emotions back to yourself and stop pouring so much energy into others.