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lavenderVillage7191
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PathStep 2 Compassion hearts53 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes35 Current upvotes35 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2024 Member sinceAugust 16, 2024
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At 16, my thoughts are consuming me and it's ruining me and my whole life.
Newbie Hub / by lavenderVillage7191
Last post
 October 26th, 2024
...See more I've already ranted about this, but I feel ashamed and hate remembering that I failed the 9th grade maths exam four times. Now, I'm almost failing in every subject in 10th. I feel *** and probably am. Every day is a sad day, and I can't recall when I last felt happy. Life seems pointless for someone like me who keeps failing. I see no good in myself.
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I feel like a burden to everyone around me. I hate living and fe
7 Cups Online Therapy / by lavenderVillage7191
Last post
 September 9th, 2024
...See more I feel like a burden to everyone around me. I hate living and feeling like this. I've been feeling this way since January 2024. My mom constantly complains about how good-for-nothing I am because I don't help her with kitchen work or washing clothes. Which is true, I kinda feel bad about it, but at least I don't go around spending her money on buying clothes and other things. That's my excuse to my mom. January was tough, but it wasn't as intense as the emptiness and worthlessness I'm feeling now. February was a meh month for me as I prepared for my final 9th-grade exam. March was the month when every day started to go downhill. My results were out, and I failed math. My mom was really angry about this and snatched the phone from my hands.  I started preparing for the improvement exam, held on the second week of March. I failed again. My mom was furious, and I started preparing again for that exam, but failed once more. I failed that improvement test three times. At last, I cheated on the test; if I hadn't, I would have had to repeat 9th grade, which is embarrassing as ***. So, I cheated. After giving four improvement exams, I finally passed.   School started on March 20, I suppose. But I finally went to school in the last week of April. Some classmates asked me why I came so late to school. I replied that I hadn't paid the admission fees, and that's why I couldn't attend earlier. They accepted that and didn't say anything. A few classmates whispered among themselves about how I failed the math improvement exam, which is why I came so late.  I feel terrible. Even teachers laughed about how I failed a math exam four times. I was a living, walking laughing stock. It doesn't help that I look 'unfortunate' too. Strangers laugh at me when they see my face, and I can't even buy my things peacefully at the supermarket because the workers there laugh at me, saying my face looks funny. I look 'unfortunate,' that's the truth. I feel so worthless and hopeless. I don't think I'll be able to do anything in life. I hate the way I am. I wish I wasn't 'ugly.' On top of 'ugliness,' God has given me these 'doomer' feelings too. No one loves me or cares about me, not even my parents. I kinda think these feelings are invalidating and fake because I'm just giving excuses to continue the misery. Sadness is addictive, I suppose, at the same time it just makes you look like a mere flesh body.
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I'm fed up with this Life
7 Cups Online Therapy / by lavenderVillage7191
Last post
 August 29th, 2024
...See more Every now and then, I'm reminded of how ugly I look. School is ***, and you can't expect anything good if you're ugly. I can't even stay peacefully in my room without my mum taunting me, saying that everyone is 1000 times better than me while I have nothing to achieve. She even taunts me, saying every other girl is pretty while I look like a ghost or a monster. It doesn't help that my grades have sunk deeper than the Titanic. School is another kind of ***. People silently laugh while covering their mouths when they see me, and then they tell their bestie or whoever how funny I look. My class teacher from last year even told my mother that I would yell slurs at her if she asked me a question. Damn! I've never yelled at any of my classmates, let alone a teacher. Damn! How quick she was to make assumptions about me. I guess my quietness plays a major role, but really? Why the *** would I yell at a teacher? Is it really worth living this life? I see no hope.
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