I feel like a burden to everyone around me. I hate living and fe
I feel like a burden to everyone around me. I hate living and feeling like this.
I've been feeling this way since January 2024. My mom constantly complains about how good-for-nothing I am because I don't help her with kitchen work or washing clothes. Which is true, I kinda feel bad about it, but at least I don't go around spending her money on buying clothes and other things. That's my excuse to my mom.
January was tough, but it wasn't as intense as the emptiness and worthlessness I'm feeling now. February was a meh month for me as I prepared for my final 9th-grade exam. March was the month when every day started to go downhill. My results were out, and I failed math. My mom was really angry about this and snatched the phone from my hands.
I started preparing for the improvement exam, held on the second week of March. I failed again. My mom was furious, and I started preparing again for that exam, but failed once more. I failed that improvement test three times. At last, I cheated on the test; if I hadn't, I would have had to repeat 9th grade, which is embarrassing as ***. So, I cheated. After giving four improvement exams, I finally passed.
School started on March 20, I suppose. But I finally went to school in the last week of April. Some classmates asked me why I came so late to school. I replied that I hadn't paid the admission fees, and that's why I couldn't attend earlier. They accepted that and didn't say anything. A few classmates whispered among themselves about how I failed the math improvement exam, which is why I came so late.
I feel terrible. Even teachers laughed about how I failed a math exam four times. I was a living, walking laughing stock. It doesn't help that I look 'unfortunate' too. Strangers laugh at me when they see my face, and I can't even buy my things peacefully at the supermarket because the workers there laugh at me, saying my face looks funny. I look 'unfortunate,' that's the truth. I feel so worthless and hopeless. I don't think I'll be able to do anything in life. I hate the way I am. I wish I wasn't 'ugly.' On top of 'ugliness,' God has given me these 'doomer' feelings too. No one loves me or cares about me, not even my parents.
I kinda think these feelings are invalidating and fake because I'm just giving excuses to continue the misery. Sadness is addictive, I suppose, at the same time it just makes you look like a mere flesh body.
@lavenderVillage7191
I wish I could be there with you and give you a long hug! (of course, if okay). Feeling like a burden is a terrible feeling that nobody should have to experience! People can be quite insensitive, and it hurts. Just because someone made you feel like a burden or says something negative about your looks doesn’t make you a burden and neither ugly!
Joining a support group or talking to a listener in a 1:1 chat can be helpful.
You can browse for a listener https://www.7cups.com/BrowseListeners/
Sharing Circle is listed as one of the Group Support rooms https://www.7cups.com/connect/groupChatrooms.php
@lavenderVillage7191 it's fine; at least you passed . You are doing thing at your own pace and not for others so its okay to fail . we make mistakes, we learn, we grow. and that's all what matters and about people if they make you feel that way their existence to you shouldn't matter............embrace self growth forget what happened and focus on how to make things better ,be the best version of yourself and let them keep lurking the only thing they can do is to laugh at you make you upset about something you've done before. Can they grow anymore even a lil bit .no. they are just side characters in your life and should remain in that place only .it's okay to go wrong, it's okay to fail, it's okay to attempt many times, and it's okay to forget and forgive too.be happy that it ended, be happy that you've been realizing things now, be happy that you're finding yourself. I've been in such situations but at the end of the day, it's only us; we matter not them.
@lavenderVillage7191 you are not a burden. You could always improve on areas you want to work upon. Please don't give up on yourself and take a fresh start to work every day.
@lavenderVillage7191
Seeing this post I can truly say that I relate to this. My mom says the same things to me tells me I’m worthless and I was in the almost exact same situation as you last year starting January getting worse around spring. I failed a cycle (6weeks) for chemistry and it was unfathomable because I am raised in a household where grades are so important and I have always been in Honors/AP classes and at the highest level of everything except I can’t keep up. I burned out in 7th grade and I slowly lost the image of myself in my head where I was amazing at academics and it’s been hard especially having a twin sister who has all A’s and in the same classes as me. Failing chemistry, was so tough especially because I was mentally not well and I just couldn’t motivate myself to do anything because I was trying but I was still not doing well. I have been diagnosed with ADHD and so it could be part of my struggle and my ADHD is honestly really bad even though I take medication for it. My mom didn’t understand that I was struggling mentally and that at the same time so much was happening my self esteem was at an all time low, I don’t have a friend group, the trio i was in left me out constantly, the boy i loved still do love broke my heart and nobody noticed and I had to pretend to be happy and energetic every single day. My mother was so mad and she and I were at each others throats and our relationship is still not good. I want you to know you aren’t alone and I am trying to get back into it and try to deal and handle my situations even though it’s so hard we’re both trying to heal and get better. I am with you on this journey. All love from a fellow student
@lavenderVillage7191
Hey pretty soul
You know what is the best thing to do now ? Work hard as **** and buy products to glow up and work on yourself (hygiene, waking up early and doing yoga) I swear it will change your whole life and the way you think. The universe gives the toughest battles to the toughest soldiers you are in this world because you are made for greatnesses, I want you to think about this sentence everyday you are made for greatness ! Do it for you for the little child you were before. You are truly loved and the world needs you dear 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍I used to be ugly but taking care of myself helped a lot and people turn to look at me now trust me if it worked for me it will work for me nothing is impossible champ nothing 🤍
@lavenderVillage7191 After reading your post i feel a sudden urge to give you a huge hug.. if thats ok... so i reach out to you from the bottom of my heart to tell you... you are not alone. I myself have felt that way. What a crazy world we live in today where everything and everyone is so cut throat. Couple things... i commend you for stepping up and trying on these math tests, math was always very hard for me, i myself was always in improvised math classes. Also, i commend you for reaching out on 7 cups, you are very in touch with how you feel and many people out there dont know how to put into words how they feel. And as far as being ugly, everyone feels that way sometimes, we all look at others and think "i wish i looked like that". I'm so deeply sorry for the people in your life that treat you so harshly. Anyway, of youd like to get intouch with me feel free to do so, im here to listen. Best wishes
