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ljmewyn
173 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts18 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2024 Member sinceApril 24, 2024
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10 years s/h free.. gone..
Self-Harm Recovery / by ljmewyn
Last post
 May 3rd, 2024
...See more When I was in my teens, I self-harmed as a way to find control in my life. I understand now that I was struggling with undiagnosed OCD and my self-harm was likely a compulsion I was engaging in to comfort myself. In the 10 years since then, I had a few minor relapses that were no more than one instance, so I never counted them against myself.  And then last week, I felt truly suicidal for the first time in years. Mentally, I felt empty, alone, and so incredibly out of control. I didn’t know what to do and so I reverted to the comfort of my youth, and I started self-harming again. It didn’t last for much longer than a week before I spoke to my therapist and I stopped.  I didn’t want to continue self-harming, but I didn’t… feel any better or in control after I had done it. I just felt more empty and lost. I guess I’m more so disappointed that I lost ten years and it didn’t even provide me with comfort or a release. 
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“It sounds like you’re very depressed”.
Depression Support / by ljmewyn
Last post
 May 2nd, 2024
...See more Hi, my name is LJ. My therapist said to me today “it sounds like you’re very depressed”. I’m no stranger to depression, I’ve been diagnosed since I was 5 and I’m now 26, but this time feels different. This bout snuck up on me and hit me with a brick - I felt like I didn’t want to be alive for the first week, and then I just started feeling nothing. I’m going on week three of this run and I just feel so empty, like absolutely nothing I do makes me feel any better, nothing is filling my cup, nothing makes me feel comfort. I’ve tried doing my hobbies, painting, reading, being outside, pouring myself into work, sleeping, and nothing is helping. I feel very much like I can’t find a point - like I don’t know what I need or what would help me at this point.
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