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myocdstory
1,022 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 8 Compassion hearts21 Forum posts11 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2020 Member sinceJune 27, 2020
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POCD question
OCD & Related Behaviors / by myocdstory
Last post
 September 12th, 2020
...See more TW: pocd, false memories I have a few false memories about hurting a child 3 years ago in 2 different days. One day, I barely remember what happened so I only have fears I did something wrong, not actual visual false memories. The second day is filled with visual false memories. My question is, would she still have liked me if I did in fact hurt her?? (she was 8-9 at the time) because I know she did like me (due to multiple events where she expressed her fondness of me and I have written of her sister/my friend that she liked me and still asks about me to her sister after all this time)
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Do I deserve my former girlfriend?
OCD & Related Behaviors / by myocdstory
Last post
 July 23rd, 2020
...See more (pt1) There chance to get back together in the future but I did things during our relationship that I regret a ton when we were dating and don't know if I deserve forgiveness... Ocd made me toxic. When I was feeling worse, I'd make my symptoms go worse and id feed on her love/worry she had for me. (I'm so embarrassed about this story) One time, I even told her that I was feeling too suicidal and I was going to cut myself... I don't even know what I wanted: worry? Pity? Love? I don't know, I can't explain it. This would happen whenever I felt Almost suicidal. I wouldn't do this completely on purpose. I wanted to feel loved In a sick twisted way. I'd never lie to her when I was feeling good. When I had good days, I felt healthy and it was an healthy love. When I felt miserable, I'd make myself more miserable to receive love and appreciation - I was half aware what I was doing: I was thinking to myself of ways to get her attention in an indirect way without directly asking for it but not fully realizing how toxic that was. (I don't know why I did this. If I had asked for love. Id had received it). I lack the ability to see that others do care about me. I'm sorry if this explanation was messy. I wish I could put into words what I intended but even I didn't have a defined goal to begin with. When I realized what I was doing, I confessed to her and apologized. She forgave me but she was Very hurt. . I stopped doing it completely - This behavior only last a month
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False memories
OCD & Related Behaviors / by myocdstory
Last post
 July 24th, 2020
...See more Does anyone have tips to deal with false memories. I'm terrified mine are real.
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