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mza24
1 1,450 M Little Steps 5
she/her
PathStep 31 Compassion hearts142 Forum posts37 Forum upvotes63 Current upvotes63 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2026 Member sinceDecember 26, 2024
Bio

hi! i'm mahera. im a teen and i love to watch movies, read/write, and dance. my favourite film is inception, i love the director and i want to study film, although i'm probably going to end up studying physics :') i find that interesting too though, and maybe i could use the knowledge to write a cool science fiction lol

i love stories, no matter what form theyre in, and as such im currently writing a fantasy novel! feel free to ask me about it- and if you have any writing of your own to share, i'd love to take a look and even help you out if you'd like :D 

personally, i struggle more with anxiety, sh, friendship problems and family problems. i also have audhd. im here for all of you <3



Recent forum posts
mza24 profile picture
sigh
Depression Support / by mza24
Last post
 September 21st, 2025
...See more i believe this is the kind of depression where you just feel empty. sooo so empty. my one and only lifeline has left me. i cant summon the will to do anything. and this is the most important year of my studies. ive accepted that i will fail everything and end up jobless, and die quickly if there's any mercy. the only thing stopping me from hastening the end is my family's view on taking your life. its stupid, i can't get in trouble if im a corpse can i. but it bothers me, knowing my whole family will talk about me in gossip forever. i would need to make it look like an accident. and i dont know how to do that right now. so i guess ill stay here rotting on the internet in my bed.
mza24 profile picture
i miss being alone
Friendship Support / by mza24
Last post
 April 2nd, 2025
...See more ive been online most of the day. ive seen my best and only friend also online all day. i havent messaged them first, because i want to see if they even want to talk to me. they're clearly available to, so if they did then theyd message me first right? its been over 12 hours, not a word. there was a time not so long ago where they would use literally any moment they had spare to talk to me (and i would for them).  now i still love them that much. more, even. but clearly theyre realising what a waste of space i am, and im just hating how stupid i was to get attached to someone again. i really, really miss being lonely. it was far far easier to deal with than this. my mental health was actually infinitely better somehow. i wish i could erase myself from their memory. 
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here again
Trauma Support / by mza24
Last post
 April 1st, 2025
...See more my dad hit me in the jaw like almost 24 hours ago and i havent slept because its still hurting so bad. doesnt seem to have left a mark though. wish i could say the same for the injury he gave me just under a month ago now, which has permanently scarred my face. its not too bad but still. im not that upset anymore. i feel really dead. nothing makes me happy anymore. im just vaguely bitter and wishing i had just never existed. 
mza24 profile picture
im a fraud basically
Depression Support / by mza24
Last post
 March 2nd, 2025
...See more i have no talent, im surrounded by people kinder than me, smarter than me, prettier than me, more deserving than me, i don't want to continue like this. i wish i was good at something. i say i have this or that hobby and if i express that i feel useless or dumb people say 'you always have that going for you!' i dont though. im not talented in those things, i just try to seem like im good at something. otherwise everyone would know how worthless i am.  everyone has something they're good at and enjoy, except me. im a failure, even at things i like. i dont deserve to be here. i dont want to be here. i wish nobody knew i existed.
mza24 profile picture
i wanna talk but i also would rather drink bleach than talk lol
Self-Harm Recovery / by mza24
Last post
 January 26th, 2025
...See more urge to tell my friend that i have relapsed or want to relapse and get comfort is at war with my constant awareness of what a bother i am and how much shes going through and that she doesnt need this and i should shut up. always. just get over it. keep it in my head where it belongs. its nobody elses problem. 2 days clean and i think i'll last about another 2 minutes.
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random emo yapping 😭😭 idk
Friendship Support / by mza24
Last post
 January 21st, 2025
...See more im not sure how relevant this is to this community, but i often feel such a strong maternal instinct towards my best friend. especially since they've been through a lot too, i just want to protect them and look after them and it might border on weird honestly idk 😭 i just want to make them some food and tuck them in and to say comforting things to them with the tone you would use to talk to a little kid. maybe i just want to feel needed in a way a child needs their mother. i do constantly grapple with feeling unwanted and unimportant to them- not because of anything they've done, just to clarify, but out of my own sheer paranoia thanks to some really shite past friendships. but anyhow, this doesnt feel at all like it comes from a place of needing self assurance. i just love them to little pieces and want to be the best part of their life, like they are in mine, and i just want them to feel even a tiny piece of that bc i care so much it hurts sometimes and they deserve to actually have it benefit them.  anyway, this might be less strange if i wasnt repulsed by the idea of actually having kids. i really really dont want to be an actual mother, i can hardly stand small children in general, so why do i find myself wishing i could be that for my friends? and why cant i fulfil it, not even to a normal degree... i feel so useless at being emotional support for my bsf, all i can do is listen and maybe say something generic, and i hate it. i should offer some kind of comfort, no? i just get so scared of saying something wrong, or cliched, and then any words get stuck in my throat and i end up getting so upset that my friend sometimes ends up having to pause her own emotional breakdown to comfort me when it should literally be the complete opposite omds im so *** useless it actually kills me
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it doesnt even work anymore
Self-Harm Recovery / by mza24
Last post
 January 25th, 2025
...See more it doesn't hurt anymore, it doesn't bleed enough for me, i dont know. maybe its because i dont have a very good tool for it but it used to be good enough for me. now i just keep doing it worse and more often bc its stopped being satisfying. i genuinely dont feel a thing when i do it now. its leading me to look for different tools and that will be bad if i find one.
mza24 profile picture
done trying
ADHD Support / by mza24
Last post
 January 20th, 2025
...See more i have important exams very soon and a test tomorrow and i came home from school thinking i will be productive and reward myself tomorrow by not studying too long but turns out today my teacher marked an assignment i hadnt done and EMAILED MY PARENTS (didnt even speak to me first or acknowledge anything) and they are just shouting at me constantly saying everything is my fault and calling me stupid and lazy and the r slur and i dont have a single *** left to give honestly they claim that they can never be wrong so they should just be happy that im about to prove them right, i cant be *** asked anymore im not studying im not doing anything ever again they can just be satisfied that they've won and their daughter is a "lazy, r*****ed, disrespectful b*tch"
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