i miss being alone
ive been online most of the day. ive seen my best and only friend also online all day. i havent messaged them first, because i want to see if they even want to talk to me. they're clearly available to, so if they did then theyd message me first right? its been over 12 hours, not a word. there was a time not so long ago where they would use literally any moment they had spare to talk to me (and i would for them).
now i still love them that much. more, even. but clearly theyre realising what a waste of space i am, and im just hating how stupid i was to get attached to someone again. i really, really miss being lonely. it was far far easier to deal with than this. my mental health was actually infinitely better somehow. i wish i could erase myself from their memory.
Have you tried reaching out to them first? I know if it were me having to always be the first to initiate conversations, I’d feel like the other person didn’t care as much about the friendship. I’m sure they still love you. Just take the leap and start a conversation with them and see where things go. Wishing you luck and sending a virtual hug 🤗
@JasmineJoy thanks for the hugs and kind words :) i reach out first 90% of the time, thats why i was running this little 'test' of seeing if they'd text me of their own accord in the first place... it's okay really. i can honestly understand where this is coming from. i truly, genuinely dont mean this in a self pitying way, i couldnt stand myself either.
@mza24 I feel this 100%. It's so frustrating sometimes knowing your best friends are online and just don't text you. Like, what am I to you? A stranger? It's one of the worst feelings, but remember, you are not unwanted. Maybe they're going through something right now and don't answer anyone's texts? I don't know. I hope as time passes you will feel better and communicate with them about your feelings. Everything will work out in the end💗