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niceLime6526
1 847 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 16 Compassion hearts27 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2024 Member sinceAugust 17, 2024
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My name is Bekah

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Venting
Journals & Diaries / by niceLime6526
Last post
 September 25th, 2024
...See more One of my bestfriends send me a text about my ex that I recently broke up with, on August 19 one day after me and him broke up, we are going to call him SJ, (SJ is the guy I’ve talked about before in my entries) SJ sent her a request to follow her and I didn't think anything of it after that because I figured she just didn't accept it because why would she? A couple days after I didn't really think about it until now that her account was private so she would have had to accept it from him to respond any at all to her, and he started liking her posts and In st a gr a m notes, until today I realized that she accepted that friend request that day knowing everything he ever did to me and how he didn't respect me at all, her issue was that she did it out of respect because we were dating but we weren't dating then and if that was the case why would they still be following each other. I feel betrayed but I need to know that you don't think I'm being dramatic about how I feel, I am kinda hurt by it now realizing that every time I told her that if he's bothering her to block him but everytime she just ignored me from august to now. I'm just tired of being walked on and ignored, she can do what she wants at the end of the day but out of respect wouldn't it had made sense that she blocked him, especially after I told her how he was and how he would do anything to try to contact me it didn't take him 24 hours to start acting like that, if I was in her shoes I wouldn't have hesitated to block her ex. i think I have the right to feel the way I feel, she betrayed me that’s what she did, some people might think I’m being childish and it doesn’t matter but she said she hated him, she never liked him to have respect for him for me, that wasn’t the case at all, I hate to say it but I think she likes the attention she’s getting. Am I in the wrong
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Day 3 after the breakup
Journals & Diaries / by niceLime6526
Last post
 August 30th, 2024
...See more I’m feeling kinda conflicted today, I guess I’m feeling guilty for choosing to break it off but I couldn’t do anything I wanted ever in the relationship every decision I made that he heard of he had something to say about it saying he didn’t agree or that he didn’t like it, I guess I got so used to his opinion that I’m not used to be being without it
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Day 2 after the breakup
Journals & Diaries / by niceLime6526
Last post
 August 19th, 2024
...See more I slept good last night, the best sleep I’ve had since him, I have so many people around me making me feel loved, I’m keeping my head up, he kept texting me today, saying he loved me and then saying I was just like everyone else, not loyal, I found it disrespectful so I blocked him I didn’t deserve to hear those words because all I ever was when I was with him was loyal, not that he ever believed it. he always believed I was going to cheat on him, and I never gave him a reason to think that it was all in his head, it never mattered what I said, he was always going to think what he wanted to. I just hope he gets help, he called me five times this morning, he called my sister, he even texted my mama saying the same things that he would always love me and that he was in pain(all this was before I blocked him) I wasn’t going to block him but I was tired of being disrespected, I am a good person with a good heart and I don’t deserve that. He drained the life out of me, I couldn’t wear makeup, not even lipgloss or do my hair when I went out without him assuming that I was actively searching for guys, can a girl not what to look pretty or look decent for herself, to him it was always about other guys but to me it was always him. He didn’t care about that though he blamed it on his overthinking but didn’t understand how his words affected me, he would make up situations in his head that has never happened before between us and overthink about it, he would watch a video about a woman cheating on her husband and tell me about it and I would say “that’s such a horrible thing to do” and he would say stuff like “now that I watched that, I hope you will never do that” it made me feel horrible I was always questioned it made me cry, because I never felt trusted when I put all my trust in him, I would let him make any decisions he wanted because that’s how much I trusted him, but it was never the same he said he trusted me but I never felt it, he asked me what would I do if my sister got a bf and he tried to talk to me and have a conversation with me, I said “talk to him because he’s with my sister” and he said “so you would just talk to him, what if he tried to touch you or something, I can’t believe you would just talk to him” I said “if he’s with my sister why would he do those things it would just be casual conversation, why would it matter if he is with my sister” and he shut down saying that I didn’t understand and just said he was going to go to sleep, and said goodnight, he was upset but I didn’t understand why, I’m older and my thoughts were that this was childish, I left the room left him on the call to “sleep” because I never got to sleep while not being on the call or not being off the call at all during the day, I went to talk to my sister about it and she was confused too she kinda laughed, I went back to the phone to him talking about some “go to bed” and I just said “I’m not tired so no, you go to bed” he said it again, he literally stayed up because I wouldn’t go to bed, it wasn’t healthy, I just wanted him to go to bed so that I could be alone for awhile, I never got to be alone, even wanting to watch a movie with no device just me and my sister and he cried and was overthinking the whole I was watching the movie with her so I didn’t get to enjoy it, he didn’t understand that I wanted to be off the call away from him to spend time with my sister just me and her, he wanted to be the center of attention, he was mad the whole time. I need some more mature someone who doesn’t get lonely or cry when they are alone, someone who loves themself but in a way where they drink water and take care of themself, I know now what I need in a relationship but I know what I want to do for rn, I want to take time for myself, focus on school, graduate and figure what I want to major in, today is the start of a new journey for me, it’s time I enjoy it rather then having to focus on anyone else but myself
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|Just some major thoughts I was having while unable to sleep|breakup, about what happened, advice, growth
Journals & Diaries / by niceLime6526
Last post
 August 25th, 2024
...See more I could be possibly going crazy..maybe I’m in denial, I broke up with a guy I was with for three months yesterday, I did everything to make him happy, told him I loved him and I meant it, never doubted that he didn’t feel the same, I still don’t because he still texts me but I can’t do that anymore because on the outside we looked cute, people said I looked like I was in love, I guess I was, I have no clue now, but there’s no doubt that I don’t love him, the side I liked about him was goofy and funny and he made me laugh, that was the side that would have done anything to make sure I smiled, but on the inside our relationship was never perfect, getting in a relationship with him was like being a unlicensed and unpaid therapist and I was fine with it all until it started affecting how I was living, one point I stopped eating a lot I’m pretty sure I lose a couple pounds, he made me cry because every time he was sad I was, I got better when I came on here, because I didn’t feel alone,I liked the fact that I could tell strangers about me and my bf at the time’s relationship and didn’t get judged. He was protective at the beginning, and I never had anyone willing to protect me so I liked it, it was when he started believing people at our school instead of me that got me conflicted about our relationship for the first time, then eventually his controlling side came out, I guess he thought he owned what was mine, he asked to use some of my google accounts which I let him because I trusted him and he didn’t do anything but use them for a game he played. He was so nice to me except on the days where his family would make him mad, he would “K” me and even one time said “wtv” to me saying that I loved him, I tolerated all, I wish I didn’t, I tolerated it for too long and I was done yesterday, he needed help he took his problems out on me, I was his boost of confidence and encouragement but when I was sad he didn’t know because I hid it from him, until yesterday, everything came flowing out, so many tears, I didn’t know why I was crying, I was sad the night before but it was because my grandpa was out on oxygen, and because he tried to control a decision I really wanted to make, I wanted to get a haircut he didn’t like the idea at first and said “oh you wanna look good for them guys at your job” (I don’t even have the job yet) and I said no I’m doing it because I want to, he called me saying how he didn’t like how I was trying to change how I look, asked me if I was considering any other change and I said ”I’ve been considering getting piercings again, I want them and I might get them, he shut down sighed and said “why do you always have to do the things I don’t like” “does what I say not matter to you” I said “it does matter what you say and I understand you don’t like piercings but this isn’t about you I want some and I’m going to do it whether you like or not” it made him upset and he said “my day was already bad and you just made it worse” that *** me off so I walked out the room leaving my phone on my bed, leaving him behind and went to talk to-my sister for a little and then went back, he said “did you really have to leave” eventually he agreed to both whether I was asking him for permission or not because I didn’t have to saying that he gets to pick what haircut pictures and the size and color of the piercings. There’s a lot things that happened the whole three months of our relationship, he had depression and then gave depression because never wanted to listen to me to get some help, he suggested it right before I broke up with him but he was never going to do anything I said. I did it for him and I did it for me, sometimes even when you love someone you shouldn’t tolerate how they treat you, especially if they treat you with disrespect or are controlling, you are opening yourself up to a very abusive relationship, I feel free, I feel relieved, it was for the best, you should never trap yourself somewhere even if you feel like the person you are with isn’t completely mentally stable and won’t be able to handle it, it’s about yours the end of the day, all you can do is wish them the best and hope they get help——-end of thoughts(it’s 12:28am, I’m going to try to sleep now)
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