|Just some major thoughts I was having while unable to sleep|breakup, about what happened, advice, growth

I could be possibly going crazy..maybe I’m in denial, I broke up with a guy I was with for three months yesterday, I did everything to make him happy, told him I loved him and I meant it, never doubted that he didn’t feel the same, I still don’t because he still texts me but I can’t do that anymore because on the outside we looked cute, people said I looked like I was in love, I guess I was, I have no clue now, but there’s no doubt that I don’t love him, the side I liked about him was goofy and funny and he made me laugh, that was the side that would have done anything to make sure I smiled, but on the inside our relationship was never perfect, getting in a relationship with him was like being a unlicensed and unpaid therapist and I was fine with it all until it started affecting how I was living, one point I stopped eating a lot I’m pretty sure I lose a couple pounds, he made me cry because every time he was sad I was, I got better when I came on here, because I didn’t feel alone,I liked the fact that I could tell strangers about me and my bf at the time’s relationship and didn’t get judged. He was protective at the beginning, and I never had anyone willing to protect me so I liked it, it was when he started believing people at our school instead of me that got me conflicted about our relationship for the first time, then eventually his controlling side came out, I guess he thought he owned what was mine, he asked to use some of my google accounts which I let him because I trusted him and he didn’t do anything but use them for a game he played. He was so nice to me except on the days where his family would make him mad, he would “K” me and even one time said “wtv” to me saying that I loved him, I tolerated all, I wish I didn’t, I tolerated it for too long and I was done yesterday, he needed help he took his problems out on me, I was his boost of confidence and encouragement but when I was sad he didn’t know because I hid it from him, until yesterday, everything came flowing out, so many tears, I didn’t know why I was crying, I was sad the night before but it was because my grandpa was out on oxygen, and because he tried to control a decision I really wanted to make, I wanted to get a haircut he didn’t like the idea at first and said “oh you wanna look good for them guys at your job” (I don’t even have the job yet) and I said no I’m doing it because I want to, he called me saying how he didn’t like how I was trying to change how I look, asked me if I was considering any other change and I said ”I’ve been considering getting piercings again, I want them and I might get them, he shut down sighed and said “why do you always have to do the things I don’t like” “does what I say not matter to you” I said “it does matter what you say and I understand you don’t like piercings but this isn’t about you I want some and I’m going to do it whether you like or not” it made him upset and he said “my day was already bad and you just made it worse” that *** me off so I walked out the room leaving my phone on my bed, leaving him behind and went to talk to-my sister for a little and then went back, he said “did you really have to leave” eventually he agreed to both whether I was asking him for permission or not because I didn’t have to saying that he gets to pick what haircut pictures and the size and color of the piercings. There’s a lot things that happened the whole three months of our relationship, he had depression and then gave depression because never wanted to listen to me to get some help, he suggested it right before I broke up with him but he was never going to do anything I said. I did it for him and I did it for me, sometimes even when you love someone you shouldn’t tolerate how they treat you, especially if they treat you with disrespect or are controlling, you are opening yourself up to a very abusive relationship, I feel free, I feel relieved, it was for the best, you should never trap yourself somewhere even if you feel like the person you are with isn’t completely mentally stable and won’t be able to handle it, it’s about yours the end of the day, all you can do is wish them the best and hope they get help——-end of thoughts(it’s 12:28am, I’m going to try to sleep now)