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notverykoolkid
484 M Embraced 4
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts15 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes10 Current upvotes10 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2021 Member sinceOctober 15, 2019
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I've only told this too like two people. I need to get it out.
Relationship Stress / by notverykoolkid
Last post
 October 17th, 2019
...See more I think I have a pretty unhealthy relationship with sex. A big part of that I think has to do with my first few sexual interactions with anybody being people who only wanted to use me for my body and that I was too naive to see that at the time. I think the first one was my brother's best friend. He was a senior, I was a freshman. He came over everyday, and we would watch movies and cuddle pretty regularly. I had a huge crush on him and I think he realized that. One night we are cuddling on the bed, my brother had fallen asleep, he started by pulling me close to him and then he grabbed my hand and moved it to an area and things escalated pretty quickly at first I was really into it then I felt like I needed to. But he wouldn't like me if I didn't, I wanted to impress him so I gave him head. Eventually he moved in with us and one night he came home drunk answer to cuddling with me in my bed then he tried to get on top of me and I told him no and he started getting more pushy and more angry. Eventually I had to threaten him with yelling for my dad, and he left.It was one of the scariest moments of my life. After he got kicked out for unrelated reasons. Fast forward to my sophomore year, I went to prom with some friends and my older brother, I met a boy there, he was a senior and I thought he was cute so we danced and made out. Nothing too serious. We didn't talk until about 3 months after that. Then things started to get more serious, I wanted to be his girl and the only way I knew how
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Am I a bad person for wanting to leave?
Relationship Stress / by notverykoolkid
Last post
 October 16th, 2019
...See more I've been dating a boy for about 5 months and I lost my virginity to him. When we first got together, everything felt amazing. It was "the puppy love" phase. However, the more I learn about him and I learn about myself, I realize I'm not what he thinks I am. We're only 17 and he's talking about kids and marriage. I'm not ready for this. He's a great guy but I feel like he's not in love with me, he's in love with the idea of me. He sees me as this girl who is gonna be a homemaker and live this great white picket fence life and I'm not that at all. I care about him so much, but I want him to see the reality. He doesn't want to accept it. I know I would be happier if I could just be free and do my own thing but I can't bear to hurt him again. I almost left but I went back to him because it hurt to see him sad and I felt guilty. Now I feel like it's too late to do anything about it. On top of that, I don't feel like I have any real friends I can talk to about it. I can only talk to my best friend every other week if I'm lucky and she's the only person who I feel really connected to right now and it's just really hard.
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