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paintbrushgal
218 M Embraced 2
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2021 Member sinceNovember 29, 2020
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i feel kind of like a bad friend?
Relationship Stress / by paintbrushgal
Last post
 December 1st, 2020
...See more in june i decided to stop reaching out to my friends as much. not terminate the friendship, but stop consistently reaching out. around mid-march i started struggling with my mental health & it was a rough battle for two months. everyone was aware, for the most part, even if they didn't have the details, but no one reached out to me. recently, they've started reaching out to me because one of us had a birthday. another friend broke up with her boyfriend of two/three years a few days before. he was my friend too. i've started speaking with them again, being holidays & all (if that makes sense?). i want to be there for her but i just get jealous that she has the support i didn't have. i helped my friend move out after the breakup a few days ago, but i feel awful because i don't care. i helped her and offered her my ear because i love her, but i don't care. i know a piece of that comes from depression hitting due to the holidays & my own jealousy. that makes things worse. how do i comfort someone i couldn't trust to comfort me? i helped her move out & she couldn't even text me during my own rough patch. we were literally roommates. i feel selfish & like an awful friend & petty.
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this has been hurting for a while but i’m not sure where to post yet
Relationship Stress / by paintbrushgal
Last post
 November 29th, 2020
...See more i've always struggled forming deep connections with others. i'm 21 years old & i can count on one hand the amount of people i've truly opened up to (and that was a boy i was "with" during a manic period after a traumatic event but that's details for later). i don't think i know how to form those connections, but it's not for lack of trying. my last therapist recommended that i open up to two adultier adults about my mental health & how i was feeling. these two adults i considered parents, called them my foster/adoptive parents; had them on my emergency contact forms; the whole nine yards. they done a lot for me, especially financially, so i feel like i'm bad mouthing them but they really hurt me. it's been a few months, but my therapist told me to start with them. i talked to them about starting medication, my options, & how i usually get extremely suicidal the first month or so. my father left the room. my mom was upset that i was upset. just a mess of a conversation. after that i just kind of checked out. what else can you say in that moment you know? the holidays are coming up. i usually spend those days with them rather than my own family but the thought of being in the same room with them & pretending that they didn't rip me open makes me sick. i tried talking to my bff (& their daughter) but she wasn't able to help me. i didn't mean for this to be so long, this has just been hurting. after i started my meds, they never even asked me how i was.
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