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patientPlane1951
19,603 M Progress Road 8
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts220 Forum posts11 Forum upvotes29 Current upvotes29 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2024 Member sinceNovember 12, 2017
Recent forum posts
Why can’t I stop myself..?
Eating Disorder Support / by patientPlane1951
Last post
 January 19th, 2023
...See more Hi. I hope whoever who reads this is doing okay. Like genuinely okay, not just saying so. I’d like to talk openly about a topic that just keeps reoccurring and frankly is almost shameful. I. Am. Addicted. to. Eating. yes. That’s me, I love food. Food is life, food is delicious.. but I love it too much to a point where it’s harming me and those around me as well. As much as Id hate to admit it, these habits that I make transfer over to others that are close to me. Example of that being my boyfriend and of my friends. They have formed these habits of over eating because of spending time with me, and now we’re all stuck in a pit. i hate that I am this way.. but I can’t resist eating food. Even if I am 100% full - like I had a full thanksgiving Turkey dinner full- feeling nauseous type of full… If someone were to give me Lebanese food.. I’d eat it no questions asked. I’d pick it, until there’s no more garlic potatoes on my plate. And then at night, I’d hate myself and my body image because I lacked self control. why can’t I stop? Why don’t I have any boundaries? il give an example. Today I wanted fo make an effort into being mindful of the foods I make for my body. At 11:30 I cook up a fillet fish and some air fried vegetables. I felt like I made a good decision and that there was path to improvement. Then at around 4 I consumed 2300 calories of McDonald’s with my friend later that afternoon. Why? Because she said she wanted a coffee, and I could not resist seeing the menu. i want to lose weight, I genuinely do but I don’t even know where to start. I wanted to join support groups, but there’s no active texting ones on ***, FB or any other platforms that I can join and that are small enough to form a connection. if you read this far… would you happen to be able to give me some advice? I’m entirely lost. im sorry for this rant- I’ll go eat some carrots or something.
A snippet of social media and how it can ruin us pt.1
Healthy Living / by patientPlane1951
Last post
 November 25th, 2020
...See more Seems like more than ever I depend on social media, and I'm not proud of it. What's astonishing is that prior to covid I was reluctant enough to resist questioning my own body, mind and spirit and fall in the trap to comparing it others. However, now, because it is all I ever see, I've gotten to that point where I expect to be something like what I constantly see. and that's not bad, reaching higher for yourself is definitely good, however putting pressure on oneself for something that is simply not attainable is to be avoided at all costs. We can't look like what we see online. Why you may ask? Because everything seen on social media is edited and or only reflecting the best of everyone. I'll give you a very real example : I see this beautiful girl while I scroll through Instagram, wherein the sun was casting on her perfectly almond face, the highlight beaming into outer space and big lips just like those of Kylie Jenner. She had a line green crop top on, just like as if she was wearing a yellow highlighter. She had curly brown hair, the natural curly, the ones you see in dove commercials and all that. Brown eyes that had the sun hit making her natural dark eyes to look like the color of gold. Everyone loves this photo, apparently from the comments she received. Meanwhilst I am sitting on my unmade bed, with my hair tied in a knot, baggy pants like mcjagger eating a donut I got for 5$ ----come for part 2---
Walking through my old playground
Journals & Diaries / by patientPlane1951
Last post
 June 21st, 2020
...See more June 17th 2020 Sometimes I think Ive progressed far. I think I am a huge deal away from that of my past self, yet as everyone else, I fall back sometimes. Today is a day that I did, I fell back because I got the same feeling as I used to when I was bullied alone and had no friends when I was younger. I lost a friend because I wasnt enough for them to keep me around, and my other friend is just in a miserable place and dosent come to me for advice for it. I just I can feel like that same girl just reading and drawing, and I was today. I recently visited my old school with my s.o, I told him only the good memories I had of that place because I couldnt bare to make him think I was miserable there. Then at the end I told him a couple daunting stories and I said : there was the playground I got beat up and made fun of. He turns to me and he looks at me and his smirk from all the good I was telling him went down to a look of concern. And he just didnt say anything, he hugged me. It was a different kind of hug, the kind of hug that stays in your memory. he then sees me crying and he wipes my tears and says if I were here with you then, I wouldnt of ever left your side. These people were too dumb to notice the beautiful soul I came to love and I just... he made something I hated about my past to such a beautiful memory... sometimes I feel like hes the only one that makes me hold on; he is how Im dealing with what I am dealing with. I keep reverting back and panicking about what other people think of me, how I should be better, what I should be... when really all I need is a step back and a clear mind. Even during these times I know, I KNOW even if I feel weak I am strong and that day by day I am making minor improvements. That even if I feel like I went back in time, I know I am still proud of the beautiful 18 year old woman I am today. My childhood wasnt good, but it taught me lessons that most my age havent learned. I have tools I can use to help guide me through life, and all my misery and the things that have happened to me, make me who I am. I definitely dont deserve any of it, nor am I grateful to learn the hard way. But I am proud of who I am. thats all thats enough. As for my love, he is my soulmate and I wish to stay with him for my entire life, he grounds me, and he can make demons of the past into loving memories. I cant tell you how much he means to me... Im sorry if this is all cheesy stuff, but nobody can ever mean anything close to what he has provided me. I just cant help expressing it.
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