Why can’t I stop myself..?

Hi. I hope whoever who reads this is doing okay. Like genuinely okay, not just saying so.

I’d like to talk openly about a topic that just keeps reoccurring and frankly is almost shameful. I. Am. Addicted. to. Eating.

yes. That’s me, I love food. Food is life, food is delicious.. but I love it too much to a point where it’s harming me and those around me as well. As much as Id hate to admit it, these habits that I make transfer over to others that are close to me. Example of that being my boyfriend and of my friends. They have formed these habits of over eating because of spending time with me, and now we’re all stuck in a pit.

i hate that I am this way.. but I can’t resist eating food. Even if I am 100% full - like I had a full thanksgiving Turkey dinner full- feeling nauseous type of full… If someone were to give me Lebanese food.. I’d eat it no questions asked. I’d pick it, until there’s no more garlic potatoes on my plate. And then at night, I’d hate myself and my body image because I lacked self control.

why can’t I stop? Why don’t I have any boundaries?

il give an example. Today I wanted fo make an effort into being mindful of the foods I make for my body. At 11:30 I cook up a fillet fish and some air fried vegetables. I felt like I made a good decision and that there was path to improvement. Then at around 4 I consumed 2300 calories of McDonald’s with my friend later that afternoon. Why? Because she said she wanted a coffee, and I could not resist seeing the menu.

i want to lose weight, I genuinely do but I don’t even know where to start. I wanted to join support groups, but there’s no active texting ones on ***, FB or any other platforms that I can join and that are small enough to form a connection.

if you read this far… would you happen to be able to give me some advice? I’m entirely lost.

im sorry for this rant- I’ll go eat some carrots or something.