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penguinchemist24
1,810 M Hopeful Heart 1
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts74 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2022 Member sinceNovember 14, 2019
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Nowhere I Belong
Depression Support / by penguinchemist24
Last post
February 22nd, 2021
...See more You know how when you grow up as a kid and you're not sure where you fit in? You're worried everyone is judging you and talking about you behind your back? I've always thought that as we grew up that I would outgrow that feeling. When I was a kid I told myself when I'm older I'll find somewhere I belong. I'll make better friends live a better life if I better myself. But in the world nowadays it doesn't seem that's going to happen. I don't seem to fit in with people. I never have. It takes a toll on you. But I don't think I've ever found a place where I belong. I enjoy my solitude but sometimes people make me feel so lonely. Even with my own family. I just don't feel like I belong anywhere and as though my life supports that. I wish I could find a place where I felt like I belong and that I wasn't alone. Not having a support system when struggling with life can make it so much harder. Having to face depression on your own is like using a toothbrush to wash the floor, eventually, you can get the floor clean but you are exhausted afterward. I know suffering in life is inevitable but I wish I had people in my life that could make it a bit easier to handle. I feel like if you have the right people in your life then your life can be better. And hearing that saying "you have a roof over your head and food on the table, you should feel blessed." Life is difficult and I guess I'm tired of living life on my own. I see others with friends and their romantic partners. I wish I was able to have that in my life too. I don't even know how to find friends. I've tried online dating but guys are just. It's hard for me to open up to others. I don't know. How do others able to have people in their lives? I have no problem with talking to people. I wish I was able to find somewhere I felt like I belong.
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New Chapter of Life scares me...
Journals & Diaries / by penguinchemist24
Last post
November 19th, 2020
...See more I am quitting my current job at the end of the month. My current job is probably one of the most toxic environment I've worked in so far. It's affected me physically and it's like I have no control over my health because I struggle to work through my issues with my job. I've tried for the past three years but it's time to move on. And more importantly I am switching to a new career field. It's actually a field I've wanted to work in since I was in high school. I want to have a job that is bit more fulfilling for me. I actually have no regret leaving this place because to be honest it has taught me how to look for red flags at work. Now I am someone who is overweight and insecure when it comes to meeting people. To me it seems like people don't like me during the first impression but after getting to know me don't seem to have a problem with me. I would say that I am overweight, a bit unfiltered, and I don't come off as a nice person. Then they kind of realize that my outside doesn't match my internal personality. Since I am starting a new job, I've been so worried about not getting along with my new coworkers. While yes I know to focus on my work I've also learned that getting along with coworkers make your job easier. I wish I got along with people better because to be honest I don't mind being around good people it's the bad ones that make me feel uneasy. But I am hoping that by a trick I came up with that I can get along with everyone. That trick being that each person I meet, find one thing I like about them. I'm hoping things work out well, at least better environment that I currently work in.
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Feeling disliked
Journals & Diaries / by penguinchemist24
Last post
November 1st, 2020
...See more So this is my first post on the community board, so I wasn't sure which one to upload this to. But recently, I got a new job working in a field I wanted to before I went to college and why I went to college. Ive been working in a job for the past 3 years that has made me so miserable. It was a toxic environment. From gaslighting, unprofessional, unethical, misguided, no boundaries. It really hurt my health physically and mentally. Almost like I feel like I'm scarred from my experiences there. It also isolates you because you spend so much time there, never really going anywhere and you don't get to live life all that much. No one seems to like me much. Like i would be expected to do 200% while another coworker would do 50% and its like they thought "well at least they did something." Also noticed they give recognition for those who sacrifice their life to be there long hours even if they don't much work. Pretty much it was an easy decision to leave. I'm actually worried my negativity from my last job is going to follow me. I want to be around ppl again. I don't have much of a support system because i work so much. I'm worried I won't be liked at my next job even if I try to be friendly.
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