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purpleBeechwood3310
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PathStep 11 Compassion hearts88 Forum posts26 Forum upvotes67 Current upvotes67 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2023 Member sinceMarch 2, 2023
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Don’t know what to do
50 & Over Community / by purpleBeechwood3310
Last post
 April 18th, 2023
...See more For over 23 yrs my husband has hid things from me, major & minor, lies about things even tho he knows that I know the truth, has done and said some nasty things and never apologizes. I’m always the one who approaches him to fix our relationship after one of his “episodes” (not cheating or gambling or drugs). So as a result, I realized last night that I have so much anger built up in me and that yes I know over these years I criticize him and snap at him. I also take care of everything in the household and I take care of him. Example: he calls from work, he needs ER dentist STAT. Why? 4 months ago he cracked his tooth. So I drop everything and I find him an ER dentist and get him appt. In January he got angry at me because he secretly hid 40,000 in debt and told me he wants a divorce. I finally got off the waiting list for the apt and now he wants to work things out, whereas before I’d ask him and he’d say no. So I say ok. He’s acting all happy. I didn’t tell him that I was still going to see the apt. Last night I went to see it right after work. Came home, asked him about marriage counseling. He became angry and said no. I told him I thought, on my way home, that since he said he wanted to fix things, that he’d be willing to go to marriage counseling. His reply was “why would you do that to yourself”. He was angry and was basically telling me I’m a horrible person and he would go to counseling on his own but not with me because he didn’t need “me and the counselor hanging up on him”. I explained the counselor needs to work with both of us together and I took full responsibility for being so critical of him & I explained where that came from & how he refuses to show any remorse for any of his behavior. I explained that we need to work on why he hides things from me and lies and why he doesn’t communicate with me and that we need to work on me not criticizing him. Nope, he was just angry and just kept telling me I needed to just let go of everything he’s done and move forward. I told him that won’t change his behavior. He was very, very angry during this conversation. I realized at the time ok this is a dead end and I told him that I had just come from seeing the apt. Suddenly he’s open to marriage counseling, says he’s 100% in. Part of me just wants out but I’m so scared and I’m not positive I can afford everything. Still owe a huge chunk on my 2013 car that he bought without telling me, car ins, renters ins, credit card bills. The apt includes all utilities except internet. Part of me wants to stay and hope that he follows through with marriage counseling. I’m scared if I pass on the apt that he’ll go back to not talking to me and pull something else that will negatively affect me. It’s a huge risk either way and I don’t know what to do.
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Don’t know what to do
50 & Over Community / by purpleBeechwood3310
Last post
 March 18th, 2023
...See more If you’ve seen my other post, you’ll know my husband has been putting me through absolute *** for months. Out of the blue he said he wanted a divorce and wouldn’t say why - not another person, etc. Just said he wasn’t happy. Well it’s taken me months to finally get off the wait list and an apartment is now open that I can afford. So I told him and now he wants to work things out and has been telling me he loves me, hugs me and that we’ll work things out. Only I feel nothing. All this time I’ve been crying and wanting to work things out and he’s been so cold and uncaring. Now that I can actually leave like he said he wanted me to, he’s suddenly changed his mind and hasn’t apologized for what he’s put me through. To be fair, we haven’t had a chance to really sit down and talk because our son has been home from college. Now he wants to go out to dinner tonight and I’m unsure if I should bring it up tonight or wait until tomorrow. I’m just so uncomfortable with the way he’s acting like nothing ever happened. I go see the apt on Tuesday, he thinks that I passed on it. And the same day I found I get the apt, I finally received an email that I’ve been assigned a free lawyer. Maybe once we talk I’ll feel better but right now I’m just so angry that he’s acting like nothing ever happened.
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New here, my story
50 & Over Community / by purpleBeechwood3310
Last post
 March 10th, 2023
...See more I’m shortening it but 58, married 23 yrs, have lived in so much turmoil over the years, always the one to try to fix the relationship, he gets whatever he wants, hides things from me. Recently found out he has been hiding $32,000 in credit card debit in his name only. Didn’t get mad, took over making sure payments were made, got him a lawyer, made appt. Found a job so I could help with payments (I have tons of medical issues). Working full time now. He started hiding when he’d have meetings with lawyer and then dropped the bomb on me that he wants a divorce. I can’t find anywhere to live. Apartments too expensive or the ones I can barely afford have waiting lists at least a year long. He’s emotionally abusive, unbelievably cruel and it’s all of a sudden with no explanation why he wants a divorce, refuses to talk to me about it. It’s not someone else involved, it’s not drugs or gambling. I’m losing hope trying to find a place to live. At first I thought we could go to marriage counseling but now I feel like I deserve better than this and just want out. I can’t even find a counselor to go to who has an opening. Everything is so hopeless right now.
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