Don’t know what to do
If you’ve seen my other post, you’ll know my husband has been putting me through absolute *** for months. Out of the blue he said he wanted a divorce and wouldn’t say why - not another person, etc. Just said he wasn’t happy. Well it’s taken me months to finally get off the wait list and an apartment is now open that I can afford. So I told him and now he wants to work things out and has been telling me he loves me, hugs me and that we’ll work things out. Only I feel nothing. All this time I’ve been crying and wanting to work things out and he’s been so cold and uncaring. Now that I can actually leave like he said he wanted me to, he’s suddenly changed his mind and hasn’t apologized for what he’s put me through. To be fair, we haven’t had a chance to really sit down and talk because our son has been home from college. Now he wants to go out to dinner tonight and I’m unsure if I should bring it up tonight or wait until tomorrow. I’m just so uncomfortable with the way he’s acting like nothing ever happened. I go see the apt on Tuesday, he thinks that I passed on it. And the same day I found I get the apt, I finally received an email that I’ve been assigned a free lawyer. Maybe once we talk I’ll feel better but right now I’m just so angry that he’s acting like nothing ever happened.
@purpleBeechwood3310
Wonder if this is like a cold going around ...... (humor)
i am going through very similar things he is cold and wants it over .........then is we can fix ... no we cant ... yes we can ........ it is exhausting ...... and now i feel nothing after I did the plan and the work to let go .......
hugged him a few days ago even small kiss FELT like hugging a grandpa at a family reunion ...... not a this is my spouse feeling AT ALL .........
I do not know if that comes back talking has only made it worse for us so perhaps with son home you have had more reflection time about what you want .......... some people just get scared when change is not a idea but becoming REAL .................. make sure he is not resorting to that and will be right back after the fear of you leaving passes.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. My best friend, who has been with me for 48 years says he’s put me through so much over our 25 yrs together and she’s not wrong. She also says she doesn’t trust him and that if I stay with him, there will just be more of the same. You’re right about being afraid of change - can I make it on my own, that kind of thing. I’ve been applying for jobs that will pay more than what I’m making now but haven’t heard back from anyone. I just started working again in November, my life was dedicated to my kids and to him and taking care of the house and yard. I feel like it’s time I take care of me, but it’s scary. I know this sounds stupid, but I have 4 cats and I’d have to leave 2 of them with him and that breaks my heart. He doesn’t take care of them and we can’t rehome them. I’d be leaving them behind, wondering where I went. Isn’t that insane? I’m willing to sacrifice my own well being for two of my cats. Maybe I can stay and just work on making myself happy. Maybe I can get him to agree to marriage counseling, we went before and it was wonderful for the longest time before his old ways came back out. I hate not knowing. Big hugs to you, I hope things get better for you soon.
@purpleBeechwood3310
it is reasonable that you would not want to leave your cats ....i truthfully never wanted pets when the kids were grown now i am not sure what will happen as this little dog we have he does not take good care of but i do not want to take him ............ limits me ability to lets say do OT or meet friends after work
honestly i have a place to go i can start over ........i know this house will fall apart as i do most upkeep and work ..... i guess i should not care as it would be his place and the HOA will be all over him.....it is scary for both parties to split.
I really hope everything starts going your way for you!
@purpleBeechwood3310
That sounds like a really tough place to be, and very very confusing. It sounds to me like once he realized you were serious about actually leaving, he got scared and is trying in his own way to try to reconnect. But I totally get it that there's a lot of damage that's already been done and you can't just pretend like nothing happened, because it has.
I hope your dinner tonight is, at the very least, peaceful. Try to just be present in the moment and see where it goes. Good luck to you!
Thank you!
I'll pray for you. You need strength not to be manipulated again.
