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tealBear2472
71 159,564 M New Horizon 6
I am Jane Doe.
PathStep 338 Compassion hearts21,178 Forum posts2,501 Forum upvotes1,461 Current upvotes1,461 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2026 Member sinceJune 4, 2019
Bio

Having a passion/interest in a specific thing will serve you. Even learning something to later on be passionate is a guide for deeper meaning. But, it means interacting with it. Interacting with it - the passion.









Recent forum posts
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IDK
Anxiety Support / by tealBear2472
Last post
 November 27th, 2024
...See more Friend. Hm. AKLDFJKASDNFKSLDFM.  idk.  i'm feeling exasperated. I'm trying to analyze my friends' interaction. with me. My feeling...I'm confused cuz I feel it, but I don't have a name or can identify it, so I'll do the logic, I saw my friend mirror me. In the city while we were in a shoe shop, and in a cute miffy themed shop. It makes me feel less alone. She intentionally. Ugh I feel so loved and also not that bad (guilty). Ok. it makes me feel a bit guilty cuz I can't do what she does for me (like repaying a friend or family for emotionally supporting me, heavy *** tol). She's a fricken good friend.  Basically I'm the type of person who does things, but is also afraid to do anything if it means there's another person in the room. But, I asked my friend let's call her toto if we could stop by the store to check out shoes. the display was all running shoes in pretty blue color, so i wanted to see. Both of my friends looked at shoes and talked while I got to actually check out the shoes. I found it nice that they were doing that. OK. Main point of story, my friend saw I was asking a sales associate to try on a pair. Then, my main friend brough a box of shoes to try on too. It made me feel surprised, a pleasant feeling. I didn't expect her to try on shoes - same brand she had on too. She looked at me and smiled when she got her pair.  Later, a few hours later, we were walking from golden gate bridge back to my friend's apartment, i saw another cute store, and my friend asked to go in. I sporadically bought a book on empathy. It was about the same price as amazon and I wanted something physical to remember the trip visiting my friend in sf. I am trying to keep in budget, and it makes buying specific something just special. Anyways, as I was at the counter, and the lady finished wrapping my item, my friend rushed and said she was quickly purchasing somethign for her sister. This wasn't a coincidence. With her...when she intentionally mirrors me it makes me feel I guess noticed. So yeah, she's totally being a good friend purposefully. and with the way she does it, I'm not worried or anxious as much.  I tried saying thanks, but it was general like thanks for staying with me and such. But idk, that's like verbal ish love language type. Recently I read that you have to act to show i appreciate you type of stuff. And I guess I wanted to say thanks. *sigh* i used to think words/langauge is the sole way to show appreciation, but action is more a permanent way like she mirrored me to include me. And I think in many of my relationships I feel I'm lacking that, so it's something I just want to note for now. Going outside of verbal into action would be out of my comfort zone. Ok main part, how do i be a better friend or be a friend presently to someone. How do i train myself to think faster/idk act calmly. Cuz if i were to act, i feel like it's mostly panic, so not acting the default is what i prefer. Anways.  She's a good adventurous quick minded inclusive friend. Then, who am I? What's me? What's perspective/idea? I don't it trivial how do I be a good friend to her? - i think i know, just more outward looking at others and less about myself, but that's so hard, but i guess slowly doable if i want to.  Good things about today: we went into Sunset district, saw my friend's apt, walked golden gate bridge, talked all three of us on here couch, drank hot water she offered (that was cute), tried yummy indian food, rode the muni (that was smooth and cool), and chilled. Bad things about today: thoughts/some a n x i e t y at the end of the hangout.  Overall, I think it went better and good. I can't believe I survived the last part. Also, good job on me for putting up music. Ended up my friend actually liked and knew the artist Kygo. 
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Scary Anxiety
Anxiety Support / by tealBear2472
Last post
 November 20th, 2024
...See more You're doing just fine.  You're doing just fine. you're doing just fine.  you're going to relaxe. 
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weekend observations
General Support / by tealBear2472
Last post
 August 19th, 2024
...See more Last week, I took a water color painting class. It was a difficult class. It's my second week touching water coloring. The teacher taught us dry brushing on a rocky/hilly waterfall. It was hard and I ended up crying in class then got better and redid the painting with a half sheet paper instead of full sheet of paper. This weekend, I went out with my bf's friends so I can hangout with my bf and I ended up crying because I absolutely hate group social dynamics mixed with meals. Absolutely detest those because people's words/actions are so *** confusing and that's confusing and joining is even more difficult cuz everything is wrong. Anyways, I think I'll opt out in eating with others cuz I prefer eating by myself. I'll just join after the meal next time. It's a lesser degree of stress when I eat with my gf's, but I also do get stressed out too, but it's more feasible cuz it's easy to get chummy with girls and talk about ourselves and not necessarily have everything so *** confusing. Anyways...I digress, but I'm observing is the second week I've cried on a weekend. Is it mania and anxiety or idk. Also, I actually tried this time to set up time to hangout with my bf. I brought it up. Usually I am the one rsvp to his invitations. But, since he's been so busy, I wanted to see if we can get some time for me to see him (as usually I'm home doing nothing but relaxing solo stuff). AND IT DIDN'T WORK OUT. I guess It's always an issue - eating out with him and his friends. I hate it. I hate eating with people. It's the dance. They talk. They bring something up. Then relate it to the current group. And it's so hard to keep up. My mind is like a merry go round and I have no idea how to talk and also eat at the same time. it's super anxiety provoking.  Anyways, my bf and I don't do much together anymore cuz I don't go out to eat with him. So Idk, it's laughable that we're actually not spending time together, when doing so would keep us together. Like tackling problems when we're socializing eating or shopping outside. We don't have problems to tackle at home. So, home is boring for both of us. If it's just my gf's I love it. Shopping, w/e etc. With him, it kind of revolves around eating. For me love to be in libraries and do pikmin. IDK. lol it's always when I'm in a crisis I wonder I don't really have a USE for any person, which means it includes my BF. Like why do I have him around when I don't need him. I don't need people. I prefer solitude in a busy place. I also don't NEED xyz. So, I wonder what makes my bf different than that? What makes him different that I choose him or like him? What use does he have in my life/lifestyle? IDK. Anyways w/e. That's always a question that come up every now and then.  I wonder what is a dream couple life. I don't really dream about that. I just have hobbies and girl friends and sister and family. 
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My Needs
General Support / by tealBear2472
Last post
 June 13th, 2024
...See more I need to belong in a community. I need to make a difference. I think making a difference means helping someone online, like answering a technical question for them. This means I'm positively providing a community member help. I can also do this in person when I'm doing my errands. I can also do this if I'm texting a friend encouragement/support.
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Sunshine
General Support / by tealBear2472
Last post
 March 11th, 2024
...See more The sun will shine again soon.
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Stress
General Support / by tealBear2472
Last post
 February 23rd, 2024
...See more I'm stressed out by moments.  Reminder. I had a happy walk...my dog and I went home feeling regulated.  Right now, I'm feeling copious amounts of shame. 
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There's nothing wrong with me Wanting to See Friends again
General Support / by tealBear2472
Last post
 February 2nd, 2024
...See more Also there's nothing wrong with me wanting to belong. I think I have to be more information needy INSTEAD of emotional neediness.
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Breaking down the reason for clinging onto a memory/of a perfect afternoon with girlfriends
General Support / by tealBear2472
Last post
 February 3rd, 2024
...See more I'm blanking and tired. But I keep using the word perfect to describe today. But it felt like my relationship with the girls was better than last time. The stakes were lower.  So even when there were some problems like xyz, it still felt perfect.  I guess the criteria for a girlsdate to be perfect is just being able to talk with L, D, A, I, and J. I chose first letters to keep confidentiality.  -I parked the farthest away from lunch, but I had company once I arrived at the restaurant. -I talked more with L this time. I have not talked with her before, so I felt I learned a bit more about her and felt closer to her. -I realize that there's 3 of us who are soothing conversational people who can get all of us to discussing a topic and there's 3 of us who are more quiet and listeners. I was one of the listeners, but I tried to input and interject when I could  -This felt smooth -I'm tired...but I think due to lack of intense anxiety, and having a better relationship with 1 girl in the group, I felt more relaxed. Like I felt they knew me. And I'm slowly learning about them.
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